Does it matter?

I always think of her soft face and warm voice

Of her legs becoming your pillow,

When you thought you had a tiny crush on that woman.

No, it doesn’t matter.

Does it matter?

Whenever the wind wrecked havoc in that heart of yours, you ran to her.

And I was waiting by the phone, hoping I’d be placed upon your pedestal.

When I’d had enough I made you chose, and you didn’t.

That was a choice on itself.

Does it matter?

How I still think of her lips on your skin

And the stories you share about how she made you happy

But I was standing right there, underneath your tree

I don’t think it matters.

Maybe it matters,

The way I can’t bring myself to ask you if you still speak to Sophia

If she’s done making excuses and admits her love for you.

A tiny spark of hate I cannot conceal when you bring up her name.

It matters to me.

And of course it matters,

The fact I was cut wide open and you bled me out

You left me standing by the theatre and chose to break me on Valentines

How you said you couldn’t love such a volatile soul

But I always did love you.

It matters,

The fact you think I am strong enough to walk away

And find your replacement in the arms of another man

When I know in my soul you’ll be the one to cut this off

When she is foolish enough to claim her love.

I matter,

And the way I love you matters,

And the stupid, stubborn way you have of closing off, it matters.

And I won’t find your replacement,

Because I cannot be you.

You matter,

When you say we are not forever you break my heart a bit further

Of course we have borrowed time, but I don’t like the reminder,

And so you’re choosing me for a time frame,

And I am an expiration date.

And it matters,

How I think this might be the last month, or year

Or day.

And it breaks me.

It matters,

How I hate myself so much and I wish I could be like her

How every heartbreak song I can relate to spells your name

But you’re still standing.

I am tired of pretending it doesn’t matter.

It does.

It does matter.

And I cannot delete it.

Just like you cannot deny her.

***

this prompt is inspired by some of my own experiences, tbh. the prompt was 'does it matter' and its just about how you belittle things so they dont hurt you but deep down they do.

thank you for reading :)

-mel

Someday I'll wander off the beaten track,

Through paths forgotten forged in sand,

Chasing wisps of pink and clementine,

Leaving dreaded fears behind.

I'll watch dew drops glisten on tender wildflower petals,

As sunlight streaks through purple peaks

I'll sing with bluebirds perched on towering birches,

And breathe in the sweet scent of blissful peace

~In that moment, I'll be glad I wandered off the beaten track~

Phew, that was fun!

I came across this breathtaking view on an unplanned evening stroll, and one thing led to another, and I managed to jot this down.

It's been a while since I wrote anything like this, felt nice to be at it again!

#flashpoetry #imagery

What goes on in her mind when she wakes in the morning?

Is it a song or a dream

boiling in coffee pot,

two cubes of sugar

and a 15g of satchet milk.

I always find beverage in the morning silly.

Unless I need to back to sleep.

A cup will suffice.

Not tea cups quantity,

a jug full of tea is how I role.

Waking up in the morning

is the strangest thing

I've ecountered as a human being.

One moment you go to sleep

the next you are awake.

Sometimes I wake up and

it feels like my mind did not go to sleep.

It kicks off right where chaos fumes.

On very rare ocassion.

I wake up and it feels like the day

just gave birth to me.

I have to learn simple functions

all over again.

My mind like a baby cries out

for chaos warm milk.

I wish chaos was a negligent mother,

but she's not.

You're the rare ocassion that clouds my mind

when I wake up with a supposed clear mind.

Just before it get tainted by other things,

I close my eyes and pause the film.

Every time I wake up, I must learn how to

love you better than the last day.

An overide that keeps chaos at bay.

What have you done to me that makes me feel

safe anytime I think of you?

I created a world where I thought I could fly,

Slowly and slowly it dies,

I wanted to be like a supergirl, make a world where I could build a friend.

I did make a friend, out of some hollow dreams and random words.

But I thought I could fly,

The world has

dried, damaged, drowning, disparity, dilemma, death

Just now I headed to the throne with my crown, saying Queen, I ruled the world

gracefully glee glimmering

Suddenly I was kicked out of the throne,

politics pays price of people's peace

I really really wished I could fly and be the supergirl

and save the world from the evil

Especially evils escaping the earth

But then I realized I was a human

I just wanted to build what I saw.

But a small girl building her own world,

sounds so small, silly,

I'm

still seriously stirring sorrow

cramped, cracked hearts, cuts hurt

I really thought I could fly,

But not everything happens as I want

Maybe I build the right world with the wrong people.

I still believe I could fly, and

Having hope, holding heart

Wish this time it doesn't die

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FOOTNOTE: Those who got the metaphor great and this is my biggest regret of November/ December. I have stopped dreaming about it and would just join someone else's world. hAvE a nOiCe dAy!!!

On the seventeenth, the yellow hues lost sense

I waited by the curb and prayed for a change

But, despite my stubbornness, I realized what it was

And fate was a master at surprising.

On the eighteenth, I knew the clock was ticking

And I could hold on to the seconds and minutes,

But the years it’d take me to heal,

They wouldn’t go by quicker.

The nineteenth I refused to believe it.

Stuck in a wonderland of denial, I pretended I’d see you that day

Told myself it was just me rejecting the pain

But in reality, it was my mindset.

The twentieth was the hardest, at least that week

I got the urge to meet you, realized we could no longer speak

A clean break is always best, or so they said

But I couldn’t bring myself to walk away.

The twenty-first was slower

It crept up to me by late mid-day

And once it was there, I welcomed it

And broke down wearing your sweater

Twenty-second was when I found songs

To relate to what we’d been through

Poetry became my best friend

And I couldn’t catch a wink of sleep

Twenty-three marked a week

But my scars still felt like new

I could still breathe but everything was stuck in slow motion

And I couldn’t stage my escape.

The twenty-fourth made me realize you had a specific scent

And a tune to your soft voice

It made me realize pain isn’t as loud

And sometimes it doesn’t bother to be heard.

The twenty-fifth wasn’t the hardest

But I thought I saw you on the street

It took me a second to call myself stupid

Because I knew you wouldn’t come back to me.

On the twenty-sixth, I learn to have patience

Only after I shattered my mirror

And together with all my scars and wrinkles

I tried to let you go

Midnight the twenty-seventh

I realized it was an impossible chore

You cannot let go of something so strong

And I knew that was our case.

Late the twenty-eighth, I gathered with some friends

But I always felt empty

The air wasn’t cold, but not being home

It made me miss your warmth.

The twenty nine approached the new decade,

But I was still stuck in the past

And busses and taxis passed by me

But I never could move an inch

The thirty, the air finally turned crisp

And I used that as a pretext not to look out for you in the street

I stayed home in a cheap sweater and told myself it’d get better

But it never did

By the three hundred sixty fifth hour, I had had an entire year of longing

Of missing and losing, of finding and loving

The hours passing didn’t make it easier, nor was it worth it

But those hours were a taste of the life I had ahead.

****

i wrote this out of the prompt 365 (hours) and it is about losing someone and the repercussions in your feelings. i feel really strongly to this one, and i think its rather nice. ALSO TAYLOR IS DROPPING AN ALBUM TONIGHT. I might make some prompts about that, but for now, thank you for reading :)

-mel

You’ve become a love junkie,

Just like me.

sniffing love powder

With haste and skill.

I love it.

We are both in the same shoes.

I won’t let my love for you run dry.

As sweet as honey,

Your lips will always be hungry.

Stay...

If you see me waiting...

I’m waiting on you.

I’m not a prophet

I gamble my truth.

Believe me

my love

distance

make desire

bloom.

When you find your truth

I’ll be waitìng in my room

ready to never stop loving

you like you know I do.

It started as a fever.

It slowly became a flu.

Now I’m not delivered.

My soul longs for __

I know my truth...

It was written

the days I saw you...

If I must continue

to tell you this words.

It should be to

one eyes alone.

I cannot share with the world

what I should share alone with you.

It is becoming hard to tell who

is in the room.

It hurts that I can’t be

what everyone wants

or what anyone needs

and it hurts that I can’t be

what I want

or what I need

because I’m not enough

and I won’t be enough

and I’ll never be close to enough

and I’m just so damn tired.

And then, the tears start to flow.

.

.

.

.

.

Trust me, I know how it feels.

I know exactly how it feels to cry

in the shower so no one can hear you.

I know what its like to wait for everyone

to be asleep so you can suffer in silence.

For everything to hurt so bad

you want it all to just end.

I know exactly how it feels.

Which explains why every night,

I just lie in bed,

and hope to fall asleep

before I fall apart.