Undead
Undead, caught between two planes of existence, and the only way to survive is devour another - lapping up every morsel given to me.
Not for gluttony, but by nature.
A curse was laid upon me at the first bite.
The hunger is insatiable, as a plague of parasites consume all my nourishment.
The heart empties as quickly as it fills, more a conduit than a reservoir.
The flesh ages and rots while my mind remains a constant as time slips away.
My eyes have not the decency to diminish though, so I must watch it all fall away.
My stained hands can offer nothing but laced fingers, begging forgiveness as they wring out more life force.
Are you Okay?
People always ask me: are you okay?
and just like that, I am robbed of language.
How do I begin to explain
the monsters and demons?
I can always feel them lurking,
waiting to pounce, when I am too weak
and drained of energy to fight.
How do I tell them the problem is me?
I am constantly at war with myself
and I always seem to lose.
I think, maybe I will win,
only to realize I let myself die.
Day Drinking & Daydreaming
I have a knack for drinking away the day,
Something you've never understood.
And I've never asked you to.
Because it's hard to explain the bitter taste in my mouth,
To someone who's never tasted anything but paradise.
And I promise it's not jealousy when I say,
that your innocence is getting a little old.
Because I don't need another intervention,
Or professional help.
I just need you to look at me, the way I look at you.
And I understand that's a lot to ask, but I don't know how to live without you.
So I'd rather drink to forget.
Because hennesy seems to make the lines softer.
And the cursive kisses I left on your skin taste less like regret, and more like hope.
Hope that one day our nothing will become something.
That our "nevermind"s and "just let it go"s,
will become "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s.
Hope that the breathless feeling I get when I look at you, will ever be more than a child-like obsession with perfection.
So you may call me an alcoholic, but I prefer the term optimist.
Need You
I've tried and died, I can't do this,
I loved and cried, What did I miss?
I missed you every second every day,
what more can I do to make you stay?
I don't know if I can keep holding on,
I love you so much, now you're gone.
Thoughts of hurt seep into my brain,
my heavy heart sinks in the sea of pain.
I begin to wonder if you ever loved me,
maybe it was just my stupid fantasy,
Either way, one fact remains very true,
whether you're gone or here, I need you.
They say
People always ask me, "why is it so hard for you to trust people?"
I respond, "why is it so hard to keep a promise?"
"I'll always be here for you no matter what" they say
"I'm glad, I will for you too" I reply
But what I wanna say is, "that's what everyone before you has said and they probably don't even remember my name"
I act like I trust everyone when really my heart is wrapped in barbed wire and caution tape,
It's not their fault though, it's the fault of everyone that came before them,
All the ones that broke down my walls just to walk away once they were done,
All the ones that made promises they couldn't keep,
"Why is it so hard for you to trust people," you ask
Why is it so hard to make people stay?