No entiendo por qué sucede esto, cada vez que me levanto es igual, y pienso que puedo olvidar, pero cada vez que me levanto lo pienso. Y me pregunto, significa algo? Acaso debo hacer algo al respecto? Sera lo correcto? O simplemente debo de esperar a olvidarlo? Porque no puedo parar de pensar en eso? Es complicado olvidar cuando el primer pensamiento que tienes en la mañana es ese mismo pensamiento. Me levanto, y ahi esta. Esperó a que algo suceda, pero rara vez pasa. Que tengo que hacer para que esto pare? Substituir mi pensamiento? Pero como? si cada vez que me levanto, es lo primero que me llega a la mente, y es difícil substituir y remplazar, porque nada se le compara, es especial. Pero no creo poder, porque tal vez no sea lo correcto, o lo sera?

I let myself shrink

as small as can be.

Because there is no chance

I could ever grow

as big as my dreams

so why should I try.

I let myself collapse

inward upon myself.

Because if i were to get too big

i would feel even smaller,

buried inside my mind.

I let myself fall

tumble deeper down

into my own pain.

Because if I get knocked down

every time I stand,

why rise at all

when I could instead

let myself fall.

A vigorous fire burning the clouds,

an elaborate masquerade of delight.

I sit, calm, envious,

distantly observing natural pieces of a cosmic puzzle

pondering everything I wish I was but never had the guts to be.

Each moment rolled out, a vintage film in our minds;

playing for us on late nights, alone,

feeding on sadness and regret.

9, a mischievous school playground,

new grin forming with each kid toppled.

17, an ignorant last drive,

intoxication taking the wheel and pushing me out the door.

25, flying high above the clouds,

watching my still body with animosity and disappointment.

My life is an empty shell

that I convince myself is full of promise.

Years spent feeding an ephemeral dream

unaware that the truth was a dull slap

or simply refusing to acknowledge reality;

how long must the misery persist

until I stop watering dead plants.

Many have tried to plant new plants.

But as the films in our minds play

on and on, those too have died.

A withering disease traveling without remorse.

85, a final film, filled with remorse,

that I never stopped watering dead plants.

#Poetry

what’s the problem with those that forgive and love too much and care too constant and feel too deeply?

it’s that snakes that slither with split tongues are offered sympathy and words that wound are washed away with tears rolling from the wrong face and it’s the demons that deliver the most evil that are given the benefit of the doubt.

It’s that everybody is loved and nobody is hated—except themselves.

what’s the problem? it’s that the only person that has given everything is the only person that receives nothing.

When a song is stuck in your head

the best thing to do is to play it

over and over

until it is out of your system.

What do I do, then,

when you're stuck in my head?

I can't play our old conversations--

they've all been deleted.

I can't play your voice--

it's a blank space I can't fill.

The second best thing to do

when a song is stuck in your head

is to get a different song stuck there instead.

I stare at memories of the past

Looking through photos when

My hair was longer

Smile brighter

Eyes warmer.

I wonder what has happened

To the girl I used to be.

Those old photos seem ancient

Like I'm seeing myself through

The lenses of someone else's life.

Now my hair is shorter

Smile colder

Eyes duller.

Sometimes

I make up an excuse

about how busy I am

I hop in my car and drive

with no destination

I drive and drive and drive

with the intent

of getting as far away as I possibly can

untill some obligation makes me turn around

and at the turning point

I always ask myself...

what if I kept going and never looked back?

I have so many thoughts rushing through my mind

So much to say yet

No words to write down

All seem to damn hard to find

My demons stop me from expressing myself

My angels must be busy helping someone else

I need to get these feelings and thoughts out of my head

I don't know how to tell you what I need and what I dread

Finding a way to push away this writers block

It's to hard

To depressing

I give up

I've stopped!

She's so strong, she lies.

There's nothing wrong, she lies.

That smile you see, she lies.

She looks happy, she lies.

She'll say she's fine, she lies.

She does not cry, she lies.

She never falls down, she lies.

She will always be around, she lies.

She does not care, she lies.

She is not scared, she lies.

You will not see, she lies.

She'll make you believe, she'll lie.

So why do you see, a strong person in her?

She lies to you, but cries at night.

That girl you see, is too tired to fight.

She really cares, she cares a lot.

She's scared to death, her nerves are shot.

So you see this girl, with her head held high.

She'll never let you see her cry.

There are people that need her, and there she will always be.

A daughter, a mother, a sister, a lover.

They will never know, she's dying inside.

She can't do it without them, without them she'll die.

They never will know, she's the one that's in need.

The one that is drowning, at night while they sleep.

She lies to them and everyone else.

A girl that seems strong, she hides it so well.

But what you won't see, is a broken soul in this girl.

She'll say that I'm fine, but she's going through hell.

To live,

not be forgotten;

To achieve,

what hasn't been done;

To laugh,

at what makes you happy;

To be happy,

when you're constantly in tears.