Can we care too much?
Oh my fucking God. I completely lost it. She pushed me and pushed me. She knows it don't take much for me to snap. But this time she deliberately antagonised me. Pushed me to watch me break.
I fucking warned her.
This just proves that she needs to go. We're not good for each other. I could of killed her tonight.
I slam my hands on the wheel. I feel like I need to run. Just run and run. Find the end of the world. And then what? Would I jump?
No, because I'd have to come back for this bitch.
I look at her again. She's slumped against the leather upholstery. I can't believe I flipped so hard.
She pressed me as if she wanted me to snap. She's my own fucking poison. And she don't know when to leave well alone.
I'm taking her home right now. We're not too far from the bridge that leads to her neighbourhood, when she starts moving.
She looks at me, sucking in her swollen lip. "I don't need a hospital. Take me back home."
"I am taking you home Christina."
Anger fills me that she actually wants to go home.
She shoots up and looks out of the windscreen. Fear fills her eyes, and she spins towards me, her fingers pulling on the sleeve of my jacket.
"No! I meant the club. I meant take me back to the club Jake. Please."
I shove her back into her seat. Bitch is gonna make me crash. "You need to go home Christina. Your real home. I'm going to end up killing you..."
I glance to see her looking at me. She looks broken. Lost. Desperate. I pray to God to forgive me for what I've done. But he never answers.
"Please Jake. I trust you. I'm sorry, it was all my fault. I pushed you, back at the bar. I don't blame you for lashing out. Please." She cries, the tears running down her face. I don't comfort her. I can't. I know I'll end up turning around and taking her back with me. "Please Jake. I promise, I promise to be a good girl."
Fuck what is she doing to me?
"I'm taking you home."
I just see her from the corner of my eye when she lunges at me. With a bloodthirsty growl, she throws herself across the seats. I try to push her back and keep one hand on the wheel, but she's like a woman deranged.
She pulls my hair, claws my face and throwing her body into mine she fully attacks.
I can't see the road and I'm trying so hard to remove her. Anger and hurt driving her, she pulls my head towards the bottom of the seats. When I finally see the window again it's to see us heading towards the edge of the bridge.
I pull on the wheel trying to turn us, the tyres squealing in protest.
The metal guarding the bridge breaks easily, the sound loud in the car.
The car spins and I try hard to keep my hands on the wheel. My foot pressed to the break.
Her eyes are wide with fear, she opens her mouth to speak when the roof of the car hits earth. The impact throws her. Her head hits the dashboard and I see the blood.
We continue the decent down the hill. The metal of the car squeals and bangs as it's pushed out of shape.
Her screams are in my ear, constantly she's screaming. We hit something solid and it lurches us both forward.
****
I open my eyes to hear her screams, the creaking of metal. But I can't keep my eyes open. And I drift back to the dark.
****
My eyes open again. And my body is in huge amounts of pain. I can taste blood in my mouth. I cough, pain rips through my ribs and blood spills from my throat.
It's silent.
The only sound is liquid trickling.
I try to move to see why she's stopped screaming. I need to see her, but my neck can't be moved.
I try harder. But the darkness is overpowering. I try to fight it, but I can't push it away.
Cry for me Christina. Cry before its too late.
But I'm kidding myself. It's already too late.
I let the darkness take me.
I've always been a fighter.
Time to rest.
The worst type of rejection
"Wow. Ok so it's going to be like this then? Ok fine. You know what? Screw you. I don't need you, screw you. I've been trying to make this work for what feels like ages and...and I'm just done! I'm done trying! Does that make you happy you piece of s***? You're full of crap I don't even know why I care so much. You took everything from me, that's all you do isn't it? You just take, take take, take. And I'm just supposed to expect nothing in return? I HAVE NEEDS! I JUST WANT SOME DAMN RESPECT! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FREAKING ASK? I want you to respect me, I want you to respect my money. I worked hard for that s*** ok? Who are you to just take it like that? And I ain't ever getting it back am I? Do you enjoy taking advantage of poor girls like me? Makes you feel real good about yourself doesn't it? But you ain't no human, you're a machine. You have no heart. You freaking got no heart! And you just looked too damn perfect and I believed in you. I believed in you. I could've picked another, but I picked YOU. I just feel so betrayed...I feel cheated, lied to, and...rejected. Screw you ok? Screw you!"
I watched in a sort of awed silence as the girl shouted all sorts of abuses, ending in a swift kick. When she looked like she was about to cry I finally interjected, "Ma'am, you know there's another vending machine upstairs right?"
"But it's out of the Nacho Cheese Doritos! Besides, this machine already took my money and is STILL saying that it has rejected my payment. UGHHH I just wanted some Doritos...."