Tired of trying to see through this wool

I'm the only one noticing the gaslight dim

Begging for explanation; met with argument

So very alone

Against a barren wall in a barren room

Thoughts are my enemy

I wish upon myself what I would never on someone else... An End.

I wish to be stricken ill so I don't have to do anything to myself; except give up.

I journey onward to distant shores

that can't be measured.

Each step I take - new forms of treasure;

to bring the past

with all its pleasure.

A single tide brings endless waves,

foreign lands of unknown coasts-

the world at hand brought to my feet.

I swim a song of unbound strokes,

reaching deep to

timeless roots:

The sound of life through Orpheus' lute.

Unforeseen the unknown future;

I see the past

to offer a peace cure.

Alone is sitting at a table for one in a crowded place.

Alone is having no one to share gossip with.

Alone is when you say, 'look at that,' and there's no-one to look.

Alone is when you wish there was someone there and there isn't

All alone.

Talking with individuals who

force grins and recycle conversations, 

give out contrived compliments and make tired jokes

can make you feel more alone than ever.

It makes you wonder,

Can I relate to others?

You watch people form bonds

without even thinking.

You witness connections occur that appear so simple

and ask yourself why you struggle to do the exact same thing.

Wanting to connect

but not being able to

is by far one of the most isolating experiences.

A feeling of emptiness, no one to go to is what it is. I have became friends over the past few years with this feeling, but I still feel incomplete. I have only seen darkness from childhood, moving from place to place, never able to make friends.

I am ISOLATED from the crowd, never able to fit in. Just like a puzzle piece, I can't force my way into the complete puzzle of SOCIETY. I am forever lost, drifting away to a island I like to call...

ISOLATION.

There is a mystery in loneliness.

There is pain, love, digits extended in a futile grasp.

It is soul crushing, being binding, overflowing from your shell.

It extends your own self into a space that no one else occupies. 

So you fight the tears, knowing that the one that makes this all slip away can't kiss or hold you in their grip. 

So you focus on being fine in your loneliness, being 'happy' even though you can't reach the meaning of that world. 

Yet you poor yourself into everything you do, in your interactions, in your words, in your actions, hoping someone will see you screaming for air that you can't breath, and fighting to not swim in the water that is apart of you. 

Praying to what exists that you can be 'normal', trying to force yourself to smile, be cheery despite the calmed chaos in your beating heart and mind. It was always a fight, to live and not to die, so forgive me if I don't stick around for the ones that choose to avoid, ignore, and pain what I give, poisoning it with their words. I choose not to give it all out, I trust almost no one, sometimes not even myself. 

There is a truth in loneliness. 

I never was

diaphanous sea mist

chasing watery dreams,

turquoise adventures.

I was a craggy boulder

poking out of liquid veil

of foaming life estuaries

observing churning waves

waving goodbye

as boat sailed out to sea

without me.

He sat

In the loneliness

Of himself

Opportunity lost

Love not realized

Life empty

She was his destiny

But he could not

Bring himself to commit

What riches of love

Might he have realized

With a leap of faith

Now destined

To wallow

In self pity

Should the door

Of love

Open once more

Surely he would

Run through it

Like a child

For love not realized

Chances not taken

Only bring about pain

Pain of wondering

Pain of lost hope

Pain of love unfulfilled