I lie awake in bed

With voices in my head,

Those shadows on the wall...

I think I've lost it all.

My heart's broken,

Sanity's gone,

My cuts - open

Again, Alone.

He left me... again.

I'm dying... again.

Voices keep screaming,

Eyes won't stop tearing.

My eyelids won't stick together

Because those thoughts won't leave me.

I'm staying awake forever.

Baby, don't try to cure me.

You said you'll stay

But you've gone away...

You said you love me,

How come you left me?

I'm still awake in bed

And my eyes are still red

'Cause I can't stop crying

And I think I'm dying.

How am I gonna live?

What am I gonna do?

How am I gonna breathe?

Now that you left me too...

You hurt me.

He says

As I look

into his watery eyes

They are deep brown

Like roots

And I feel

nothing for him

No remorse.

And, in fact, I am annoyed

He has faith in his God

He is incredibly loyal

And he is so fucking good

But I broke him.

I am breaking him

I can't get over you

And I am sociopath

with all others now

I am sorry

But I can't stop.

I want your ghost

To visit me

Lay with me

Under my covers

Steal my breath

Then let me inhale you

Your spirit

Filling my lungs

And into my soul

Possess me

I need to smell you

If I can't touch you

If I can't hear your voice

And your resistant laugh

If I was a little more crazy

I would break into your mother's house

And steal your red flannel

Scented with your musk

And fresh tobacco

And I'd steal a page

From your private notebook

To see your perfect handwriting

Smell the blood of your intelligence

Smeared onto the pages

In antique cursive

Like calligraphy

Written only with a fountain pen

And on the finest paper

Parchment at worst

And that damn cat of yours

Why do I keep thinking about her?

I miss her

Is she really yours?

Or a stray that you feed?

Maybe we share a kinship--me and the cat

We both love you

Depend on something innate

We are both grey

And you love us from a distance

Afraid to get too close

You can't be attached

I miss shopping for used books

Talking about poetry

In the bench seat of your car

My hand on your thigh

Head on your shoulder

You telling me how sweet I am

And inhaling every moment

Devouring each other

And parking

Rolling cigarettes and

Drinking whiskey

Watching the moon

I miss staying up all night

And never regretting it

I miss the way you touched me

Lightly

But with such passion

You left bruises

You said we would always Be

We had no choice

The universe conspired

Plato's theory materialized

Light found in darkness

But so moving

Unbearable

A connection suffocating

And overwhelming

So you left

You couldn't take it

And every time I think I have

Moved on

You write me

With your metaphors

And philosophical jargon

Luring me back

To where I belong

I had won the village lottery and was declared 'Princess' which brought instant tears to my eyes. I waved to the cheering crowd as I was led to my throne adorned with pearls and drenched in red wine and the servants lifted my throne. Like a welt, the skin on my wrist reaching down to my elbow was tender. The markings went in jagged directions and I lightly traced the skin distractedly for a few minutes. Or at least, it was an attempt to distract myself from the smell of sulfur and sweat of the men who carried me towards the volcano to face my destiny as the 57th sacrifice in our village's month-long festival.

Dipped in blood

The roses are red

Stained with my life

Or she’ll chop off my head.

Cut myself with a knife

And watch the blood slowly drip

Onto the petals of a rose

Through my fingertip

Black was what originally we chose

To match the darkness of her heart

Some were white

To try and break the darkness apart

Now the roses are red to match her appetite

But the colours beginning to crack

We bleed ourselves dry to help with the show

Underneath still, they are black.

© Rowanne S Carberry 06/05/16

Roses are red, violets are blue

The blood runs dark as it exits you

Wounds are purple, skin is white

And you will not survive this night

I'm full of hatred, it's Poison green

Once you're dead, I can be clean

Beg for your life in cowardly yellow

Your voice is shaking like lemon jello

Vengeance is mine, it is maroon

Your miserable life will be ending soon

My knife is silver, it shines so pretty

Maybe you shouldn't have been so shitty

The ropes that immobilize you are brown

Why are you crying? Don't be down!

It's a rainbow explosion, a celebration

The crowd goes wild with your castration

The tarp you lay on is olive green

No one will rescue you or intervene

Your soft pink apology comes far too late

You pay for your crimes, today is the date

The last thing seen with your gray eyes

Is ME! The cause of your demise!

Two women sit in a silent room, sunlight radiating a luscious glow on the cheekbones of the younger; mother and daughter dressing for the day. One waits their entire life for this day; a new dress, pearls and diamonds, tears and smiles as family remembers the days of the young woman's youth. The ceremony in a church a few miles away; mother lifts up her daughter's golden locks and wraps a simple chain of peach pearls around a cold neck. She was ready, her gentle eyelids closed; her mother cried, awestruck at the youthful glory. The mortician came in, 'twas time to go; a life cut short, preparations for the wrong event in a disordered mess of emotion and unplanned circumstance.