Cass: *sits in her first period English class, staring at the window* *sighs

Blake: *sits in the back for the 16th time this month in 1st period* *looks down at his book waiting for the teacher*

Cass:^ That kid in the back… again, his feeling is intense… I have never encountered that before…^*worriedly writes in the journal she keeps with her at all times*

Blake:*looks up looking around*^who is that?^

Cass: ^I’ll try to talk to him after class^…*quietly taps her fingers, their bitten tips just making a small sound*

Blake:^ I wish school would end^ *lays head on the desk reading the words on the page of his book eyes burning*

Cass:^ his emotions changed a bit… Can you hear me? Why are you so tired? ^

Blake:^Yeah, who are you?^

Cass: ^the girl in front of you… Are you alright?^ *moves her hand in a small gesture that can be considered a wave, not looking at him

Blake: *taps her shoulder* ^um, yeah, just fine.^*sits back*

Cass: *slightly winces when he taps her* ^I’m an empath… I can tell how you feel, don’t lie please…^

Blake:^not lying, its true^

Cass: ^Fine, whatever… just, if you ever need to talk to someone while you are up, I work the nightshift at Zen Cafe^

Blake:^i know, and I doubt you’ll hear from me, I'm good on my own^

Cass: *sighs* ^I thought you might say that… hey do you think we could hang out?^

Blake:^ hmm….you’d be wasting time, just saying^*closed eyes*

Cass:^ I’ve got time to spare…^*looks back at him, something not quite a smile on her face*

Blake:*sighs*^fine whatever, where?^

Cass: ^wherever you want, I just want to be-- um… away.^

Blake: *opens eyes* ^one thing whats your name^*sits up*

I want to be someone like you

I want to be someone that feels very “me”

If I really wanted to, I could go and do it

But then would that really be me?

The way I am, someone like me is better off dead

Where someone like me is alive,

Brings sadness to tens of thousands of people

In this world am I not even allowed to survive?

A world that no one wants me:

I wish that’s the kind of world it was

A world where everyone is happy without my existence

There is no “because,”

If just by wiping me away

And there is no hatred for anything

Hundreds of people rejoiced

I would happily reject such a thing

Tomorrow I’ll still tread between reality and dreams

Just like that, I’d love to disappear

Would me changing myself really help?

In the end I’m still here

And no one wants me:

If the world was like that, would it be okay?

Even if I were wiped away

That wouldn’t change some hundreds of million people in a way

If no one will resent me, then that’s still a loss

“My self” made in others will crumble away

In the end everyone will collapse in the same manner

If only I didn’t hold onto today

Why do you smile so much just because I’m alive?

If you smile like that, my sadness perished

No matter how sad, now matter how much I want to disappear

If only my reasons of wanting to say good-bye vanished

My whole purpose in life was to be resented

But looking at your smile, I can’t say that

If only I could just kill myself without knowing it would hurt you

Then where would you be at?

If this was a dream, I wish it wouldn’t ever end

If no one will resent me, then that’s still counted as a loss

I want to die, I want to live

I still find myself trying to walk across

All the hatred directed on me,

I would be able to die happily

I’m more scared of not being hated enough than being hated

If only I can live that easily

#poetry #poems #poem #sad #depression #young #youth

Finally I reached someone to share my pain

Where all I can do is complain

When the words slithers out of my mouth

All the tears begin to all head down south

All the pain that I suffered when I was young

When my heart still kept getting stung

I couldn’t focus, since I received no love

Everyday there is a gloomy cloud hanging up above

I listen to others happy cheers

The sadness always interferes

Why can’t I live happily like others?

I still get bullied among my brothers

You could hear the pain in my voice

All of this isn’t my choice

The pain that still swirled within

You could still tell that I was still holding much back in

The things I told you, wasn’t even half my sorrow

I end up hoping that there would be no tomorrow

If this is how god plays this game

Then he ought to have no shame

The bell that rings, drawing forth my pain

The clouds shrouds my heart, bringing rain

I have to hold back, hiding these cries

Until the day of my demise

I can’t let you near me in this sad city

I won’t allow you to show me pity

Nothing will heal this heart that’s already broken

I’ll carry this burden forever as my token

Even if I already told you of my pain

This thing won’t go so easily down the drain

You don’t understand how I felt that day

How I desired for others to treat me the same way

But I end up being trashed

While my jealousy and kindness clashed

This therapy does little to relive me

I’m already broken as I can be

#poems #poem #poetry #sad #depression

when we fall asleep tonight, i wonder what you will see in your dreams.

i know that’s a silly question. i normally never ask anything but those to ask you, do i?

that’s what you always told me anyhow. that the words that tumble carelessly from my lips are silly, that they leave you bemused.

i say we, but it is just i here. i don’t know where you’ve been and where you stay, but i still wonder if you fall asleep and dream endlessly. maybe i miss those tales and i write this letter in order to listen to your stories. even though you’re nowhere near me now - maybe we could meet in your dreams.

it sounds like longing, doesn’t it? it is. when i say i long for you, you cut your ears with sharpened nails and vanished into the night. i expected as much. the moon has told me many times to bite my tongue, but i always fall asleep at sunrise and forget.

when we fall asleep tonight, i would like to meet you in my dreams. and when we see each other, i hope hope you draw your knuckles against my cheek and tell me what i want to hear. the shape of your lips, curled into a dizzy smile as you look into my eyes and into me. in my dreams, i want you to indulge me.

in my dreams, you are alive. it is not like this there. in my dreams, you smile, and laugh, and give me your harsh words when you are angry. and we drown in yellow-gold light and brewed fruit and kisses that knock the air out of eachothers lungs. there are no hospital rooms with fluroscent bulbs, and no heart-monitors that cut the silence rigidly

i’ll pretend again that today, you are awake and we fall asleep together. you are not in a hospital bed. your gown is made of silk and ribbon, not surgical linen. the food we eat is wine and bread, not liquid through tubes.

today i felt your hand move when i held it. your eyelids twitch and blink, rapidly. and i get to believe that i will see you in techinicolor instead of mutedly in my sleep, at your side for another night.

why am I like this? I don’t wanna love but you’re still on my mind. You won’t even talk to me. But why? I never hurt you. Please come back? I need to tell you something. Please don’t let this just be another sad love song. Am I too real for you? I thought you liked me because I knew how stuff felt and I always understood and was there for everyone.

STOP.....

"I'm sorry....never mind"

I only see you in my dreams, but that's not you, ima do something stupid and wait for you to get this. But I'm okay.

You keep chasing me then I let u catch me and you're gone when I turn around. Stop. Stop being on my mind even though you're a drug I shouldn't take. Stop being attractive, and pulling me in without even touching me. Stop making me wake up from another dream of you. I'll never get you back like I keep seeing you in my dreams.

[Set in my Villain Shoto AU. Evie has Shoto cornered in an alley, but isn’t making a move to attack him. In fact, she isn’t doing anything. Shoto raises an eyebrow in confusion, and moves like he’s about to attack her. Evie let’s her forcefield down and takes off her visor, setting it aside somewhere, maybe clipping it to her belt. Shoto powers down, utterly confused as to what she’s doing. She steps forward, her eyes finally meet his. We see the intensity in both of their gazes. Shoto steps back, only to be met with a brick wall. Finally, Evie opens her mouth.]

Evie:

Right here, right now [Evie gestures around them at the ally they’re meeting in]

I put the offer out [She pulls a folder out, extending it to Shoto. On it is an official-looking seal]

I don’t wanna chase you down [She puts a hand on her hip, holding the folder out a little more]

I know you see it [She points at him]

You run with me [Her hand opens, then points to her]

And I can cut you free [This is her illustrating how the hero life would be more beneficial to Shoto then the villain life]

Out of the drudgery and walls you keep in [Referring to his and Dabi’s hideout; it’s not very well-kept. Also symbolic of the suffocation she knows he’s feeling due to his conflictions about his lifestyle. She dodges a small blast of ice.]

So trade that typical for something colorful [She gestures above her head with one hand, pretending to make a rainbow.]

And if it’s crazy, live a little crazy[She brings her hand down to her temple and swirls her index finger.]

You can play it sensible, a king of conventional [Clearly mocking, air quotes get used, she rolls her eyes.]

Or you can risk it all and see {She pulls close to him, grinning, placing the folder on his chest.]

Don’t you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play? [She pulls away, spinning around with her arms wide. Shoto is shown to be struggling to hold on to the folder Evie left on his chest.]

’Cause I got what you need [She turns back around, we see a sparkle in her eye.]

So come with me and take the ride [She grabs Shoto’s free hand, we see him blushing at this.]

It’ll take you to the other side [She throws her free hand to the sky, her eyes closed.]

’Cause you can do like you do [She let’s go of his hand and turns away, a solemn expression on her face.]

Or you can do like me {She turns back, her hands gesturing to her, her smile is back.]

Stay in the cage, or you finally take the key [She pulls close, poking at the folder, clearly stating that it is the “key” she’s speaking of.]

Oh, damn! Suddenly you’re free to fly [She turns away again, throwing her arms wide, perhaps bouncing high due to her boots.]

It’ll take you to the other side [She lands and poses with her arms out like they had been previously, still smiling.]

Shoto:

Okay, my friend, you wanna cut me in [Evie’s eyes open, and her smile drops as Shoto speaks. Shoto is in the background, holding the folder carelessly.]

Well, I hate to tell you, but it just won’t happen [Evie turns around, not believing her ears. Split the image with Shoto smirking.]

So thanks, but no [Shoto drops the smile, and pushes the folder back at her.]

I think I’m good to go [He steps forward, shrugging. His eyes are closed.]

’Cause I quite enjoy the life you say I’m trapped in [As he passes her, he opens his eyes and smirks at her again, mocking what she had said earlier about him being trapped.]

Now I admire you, and that whole show you do [He turns back, seeming sincere. “Show” here meaning what she does on the side of the heroes.]

You’re on to something, really it’s something [He pats her shoulder, and it’s her turn to blush slightly.]

But I live among the swells, and we don’t pick up peanut shells [He turns away again, but now it’s clear that he’s doing a bit of self-mockery, as his face looks serious. We see him thinking about several villains that Evie has been involved with when he mentions “peanut shells” and his fist tightens subtly.]

I’ll have to leave that up to you [He turns back to her, flashing an attractive grin, causing her to blush again.]

Don’t you know that I’m OK with this uptown part I get to play? [He turns away, throwing his head back as he lights on fire.]

’Cause I got what I need and I don’t wanna take the ride [He extinguishes and turns back to Evie, shaking his head.]

I don’t need to see the other side [He shrugs as he turns away, but there’s a slight trace of some other emotion on his face.]

So go and do like you do [He makes a dismissive motion towards her with his right hand.]

I’m good to do like me [The same hand returns to him and frosts over.]

Ain’t in a cage, so I don’t need to take the key [He turns around, arms wide, as if to emphasize his “freedom.]

Oh, damn! Can’t you see I’m doing fine? [He looks towards Evie without turning around, his arms lowering, his face looks stern, almost offended, but not quite.]

I don’t need to see the other side [He makes a motion like his brushing her off, and we see her looking both offended and like she doesn’t believe what he’s saying.]

Evie:

Now is this really how you’d like to spend your days? [She steps forward, face intensifying.]

Whiskey and misery, and parties and plays? [She uses all of these as symbolic descriptions, and airquotes them with her left hand.]

Shoto:

If I were mixed up with you, I’d be the talk of the town [He turns around angrily, their faces only a few inches apart. Neither of them seem to notice that, they’re just both being stubborn.]

Disgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns [At first referring to Dabi being the only one who took him in then disowning him, then mocks the hero culture by calling them clowns. He steps back and crosses his arms, turning his face away from her.]

Evie:

But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little [Her face softens, she almost looks more concerned. She moves forward just a little.]

Just let me give you the freedom to dream and it’ll [She extends the folder to him.]

Wake you up and cure your aching [When he doesn’t take it, she slips it into his crossed arms, then steps past him into the street.]

Take your walls and start ’em breaking [She stops, looking towards him without turning around.]

Now that’s a deal that seems worth taking [She looks up to the sky, one arm shrugging.]

But I guess I’ll leave that up to you [She looks towards the ground, saying this almost sadly.]

Shoto:

Well, it’s intriguing, but to go would cost me greatly [He turns back to her swiftly, pressing a hand to his chest, basically saying that a lot of things would happen if he takes the offer.]

[The next part of the song would probably be omitted, as it doesn’t fit the scenes. Or it would be used as symbolic for the scenes. Shoto leans closer to Evie, and is shown to ask, “What am I getting out of this?” She points to the folder, and he opens it. He asks if there’s a way to turn his life around, and she scoffs, indicating that if there weren’t, she wouldn’t be here. He contemplates the pros and cons, one pro being the ability to see Evie more often, and in better moods. A con involves his father. Evie watches him think, having given him some room. He turns back to her, walks up to her, and nods. He returns the folder to her, and she shrinks it. She takes his hand and starts leading him down the street.]

Both:

Don’t you wanna get away to a whole new part you’re gonna play [They’re shown to be running, Evie’s visor is back on.]

’Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride [Evie extends her other hand, Shoto takes it, and they spin around once.]

To the other side [They let go of each other, and continue running.]

So if you do like I do [A close-up of both their faces.]

So if you do like me [They’re shown looking at each other, smiling.]

Forget the cage, ’cause we know how to make the key [They come across an obstacle in their path, but look at each other and come to a plan.]

Oh, damn! Suddenly we’re free to fly [Evie bounces, using part of her suit to toss Shoto over the obstacle.]

We’re going to the other side [She lands next to him, and they keep running.]

So if you do like I do [Evie grins, pointing to the faint outline of UA in the distance.]

(To the other side) [Shoto nods, nervousness setting in now.]

So if you do like me [She takes his hand to calm him down, reminding him that it’ll be ok.]

(We’re going to the other side) [He still looks nervous, though less so.]

’Cause if we do we’re going to the other side [They come around a corner and start slowing down.]

We’re going to the other side [They arrive at the gates of UA, and Eraserhead is waiting for them.]

I hope you enjoyed! I tried my best to make it seem fresh and different, while still retaining some of the original meaning! The original song is call, “The Other Side,” and it’s from The Greatest Showman.

The whole soundtrack is a bop, by the way. And I haven’t even watched the movie!

Bye!

(Last nights dream)

You ran to me. your black hair in your eyes again. And my brown/dirty blond in mine. You didn't say anything just smiled and kissed me like you used to. Your eyes were deep blue with those white crystals in them, just as they were before. We were running, not from someone or something but just because we could. That moment our glasses bumped when I leaned in, just like every time we never took our glasses off before we kissed. Your head on my shoulder again "You're like a kid" I said but I always said that. You nuzzled into my neck when I said that "Okay fine...my kid" and I felt you smile as I ran my fingers through the back of your hair, we both smiled. We used to kiss every chance we got, but this time, we kissed slow. Staying in the moment longer as you leaned down to me, my hands intertwined with yours. The cold touch of your hair on my skin. Then for a moment we just laid on the ground, you head on my lap and I said "I love you just the way you are....stop acting like someone else" holding your face in my hands with a warm smile, and kissed you.

Reality sucks.....

I’m the type that pushes everything down till I explode little by little. today I told my best friends I’m done with relationships and that love is dead to me. I might be losing myself but I don’t need help. I got it. I think...I don’t sleep much, been drowning. I don’t know why but I don’t feel much unless it's pain. Last night I dreamt of someone I miss, returning my love to me, but they didn't question me like usual. They didn't care I was trans like they do in reality. I'm Afraid of going comatose. The last words I said to him in my dream were "I love you just the way you are...stop acting like someone else" with a warm smile, holding his face in my hands than kissing him like I used to. But this will never happen. And I'm not okay.

on a giant paper

insects spread like beefs

blue hook

dreary as the petal

cubs rotate like cloves

on a wilted stomach