Hospital beds

And disapproving eyes

Stifled sobs

Accusations of lies.

Needle pricks

And a warmly pressed sheet

Drug muddled mind

And eyes that won't meet

A few more X-rays

Yet another Cat scan

Go pee in this cup

No answers here ma'am

Limbs filled with pain

But nothing soothes the bite

Lungs can't catch a breath

And nothing seems right.

My mind screams.

No words. Chaos. 

A torture chamber.

Quiet pleas for help:

Choked out; replaced with roars of flame.

Don't you hear it? Don't you hear my anguish? The cries from the battle field? The shredding of my reason and the thundering collapse of my sanity? 

Why do you turn away?

Can't you hear me?

Did my explosions deafen you? 

Or am I a crazed chimp, pounding on the glass walls

Of my prison?

Fearful of the shadows

That seemingly follow me

Hide behind the shoulder

Of the bigger man

For why should one defend

When safety is on thy mind

The cowardly lion

Has more guts than I

For I am the one who trembles

Fear in thy eye

We passed through hallways adorned with family memories. They tell the story of the three that lived here once. In them a young girl, dressed modestly, always to the left, half smiles. A man, always center, seems either tired or off balance. His arm around his wife, with her child's smile. At the end of the hall is what we came for, a video on a cellphone. 

"This was your room?"

She nods.

"Why choose me to help?"

She points to my arms before fading away again. 

I play the video to hear "You made me do this honey. Honey?..."

The guilt has been easily wiped away by your smile.

You've open the floodgates of emotions...Supressed

Touching some part of my soul

That had sat dormant.

Rusted and bare

by build up and time.

I'm am cleansed from the corrosion

Of my Past by your beauty

And your decay.

He doesn't seem to notice

how her broken pieces

cut his feet......

or maybe

he just doesn't

mind

I wake up and open my eyes

But I cannot seem to focus

I do recall a passionate kiss

but my mind becomes so vacuous

I don't know where I am

Or where the fuck I've been

As my visions clearing up

I search my mind again

I stand up feeling adamant

as I start this heinous path

But distress falls upon me

Because my heart now beats as half

The sky starts changing colors

as the world becomes chaotic

From blue to green to red

and oh my God it's so hypnotic

Now I'm feeling futile

Is everything really as it seems?

Or is it just an incubus in

a hyperbolic dream

Out of no where a mirror appears

I'm lost for what to do

I look at my reflection and

it seems to pull me through

Eternity surrounds me and

all the colors simply fade

My heart beats as if it's whole again leaving me in disarray

Hauntingly I hear the mellifluence

of your voice

With a flash you appear before me  wanting me to make a choice

I know with just a kiss

you could mend my soul again

But nothing could erase the pain

that you had placed me in

Your inexorability making you

the one that I abhor

As your image fades my body crashes to the floor

My head starts spinning as I hear a thousand angels cry

And that's when I wake up again and open up my eyes

DjD

And my fucked up mind

Meeting you has

caused me harm, the

addicting kind.

Adrenaline.

Pheromones. Sighs.

Sweet slavery.

Insatiable

desire, longing.

Delirium.

Downward spiral.

Disillusion.

Decision. Death.

Now twenty two years 

since my throat felt tight with

panic, will you show? 

Grip onto my purse

like my old backpack, feeling  

Four, small, forgotten

Eyes dart, mind races 

Each passing car could be you

Hugging myself warm 

I know what to do, when I'm in the driver's seat.

Steering wheel in my hand, gas pedal at my feet.

I turn the key, and hear the hum of the engine's heartbeat.

Pulling out into the lane, 

suddenly I sense a change.

The car swerves, the tires screech.

Red means go, green means stop.

I can't seem to find a parking spot.

There is no brake pedal, losing control.

No point of steering, so I let go.

Only a red brick wall can stop me.