Whoever is reading this, I am Jo’s guardian angel.

And yes, I know what you are thinking at this precise moment. What a weak opening! He doesn’t even acknowledge the fundamental laws of writing!

Oh, please! It is my book, and I will do whatever I please! And do you think I am bending your precious rules of writing? Oh no, darling, you have got it all wrong. I am breaking them. Every last one of them!

And tonight, that would be my least of concerns. Has anyone seen Jo? I was supposed to protect her with my life and hover over her shoulders for all of eternity. And now, I don’t even know where in the world she is! This is a nightmare. Have you seen Jo?

She is a young girl, age ten. Brown hair, brownish eyes, pale, thin. I wouldn’t call her the brightest of kids-- Who am I kidding? She is dumb. The dumbest there is! If you see her, I need to know.

Oh wait, I know what you are thinking. That’s not how you describe a person according to the golden edicts of writing. You have to scatter the descriptions throughout the story to preserve the freshness.

Honey, please don’t. I am not here to gratify your reading passions. And if there is one thing I need to know, that’s Jo’s coordinates. And if your writing persona feels so violated right now,

Sweetheart, we have barely begun.

#fiction

Less is a satirical comedy by an American author. It follows writer Arthur Less while he travels the world on a literary tour, and I think it is so very ingenious. I love the playfulness of the author's writing! It made me laugh out loud so often! Yet it was not only funny, but also very poignant at times throughout.

Having traveled abroad myself, I felt I could commiserate with Arthur Less in some ways. There was such depth of emotion in this awesome novel, as well as many unusual twists and analogies in the descriptions of everyday occurrences.

Here is a quote that I may not have verbatim, but hopefully have captured its essence: "Life often happens all of a sudden, and who knows which side of the fence you'll be on?" It is referencing the overnight erection of the Berlin Wall in '61. Now we're coming up on the anniversary of the pandemic's impact on the people in the US. I guess we all have in some way or other had to deal with this happenstance, the virus, that nobody had predicted with any degree of certainty. Read Less, if you think it will be your cup of tea!

A man stepped up to a bartender and said, "I'll bet you five bucks I can bite my eye."

The bartender thought about this a bit and said, "You're on," to which the newcomer took out his glass eye, put it in his mouth, and bit it. "Oh, you got me," said the barkeep"I'll bet you double or nothin' I can bite my other eye."

The bartender reflected on this awhile. Seeing as how the guy could only have the one glass eye and still see, he agreed. The patron took out his false teeth, raised them up, and bit his other eye. "Well, I'll be damned if you didn't take me again," chuckled the owner.

As he was reaching into the till, the customer said, "Hold on! I'll go you one further! I'll bet you double or nothin' I can git up here and piss across this bar and land every last drop in a shot glass." The bartender considered this but an instant before accepting this bet. The guy then climbed up, stood on a barstool, and proceeded to pee, getting it everywhere, on bottles, the bar, the bartender, managing to land nary a drop in the shot glass. The bartender was beside himself, guffawing and wiping the tears rolling down his cheeks. The man climbed down, took out a twenty, and handed it across.

"Thank you, kindly!" The bartender managed weakly. "But just what on earth gave you the fool impression you could pull that stunt off?"

Pointing, "Well, you see them fellers over there? I just bet them each $50 that I could git up on a barstool, piss all over you and your bar, and you'd laugh."

I read this joke in an old issue of the Boys' Life magazine.... I might have it slightly wrong, but here goes....

A dog, a cat, and a mouse were playing cards. The cat got thrown out. Why?

Because he was a cheetah!

I was on a family camping trip, and there was a community campfire event where they invited people up to tell jokes. Little 8 year old me was the first one to volunteer, and I told that joke. More people began going up to tell jokes after that, so yay little past me!

I honestly dont do this much anymore, but when I would jump out of the darkness and yell at my brother. He would jump out of his skin and then chase after me... hehe. The one time I hid in his closest until he turned of the light and then got in bed... "BOO" I jumped out like a monster, he screamed and even though I got in trouble it was hilarious.

The people in my head

Tell me to get out of bed.

They tell me to stop moping.

But I'm not sad, I'm hoping.

Hoping for someone to lend me a hand

Because sometimes getting out of bed is taking a stand.

The people in my brain

Offer me quick fixes to ease the pain.

They give me cheap advice

And they use my weakness to grab me in their vice.

Some days, I like to pretend they're evil.

But they're really not. They're just people.

People inside my head.

I guess that's just the way I was bred.

With cracks in the walls,

Red paint dripping in the halls.

Wait no; that's skin and blood.

Now here comes the flood.

People get so angry at me just for bleeding

It's not my fault that pain I'm needing.

I keep waiting for an end.

But that's not real, it's just pretend.

There's no end to this trail of red

Not even when I'm dead.

she tells herself she's okay.

but i know everytime she goes on a jog, she runs until she can't breathe.

she tells herself she's okay.

but i know she cries on the weekends.

she tells herself she's okay.

but i know she takes boiling hot showers just to feel something.

she tells herself she's okay.

but i know, her one wish, is to have nothing in her veins.

Words like javelins delude wielder weak,

Thrown as anchors for safekeeping,training

Runs sanctuary weeks, time now so bleak

Each day before was life, a sky waning,

Thunderbolts ascendent, falling blue streak

Sing every song known below on straining

Cold and laughable pain, beloved look

Over the grey which topples all, my hook!