How can you disparage that which is trying to survive? How can I rebuke when I am the invader? I who infiltrated her without her permission, how she clutched her drenched shirt cursing her terrible luck, how could I lift my lips in protest when I cast myself, a pebble into the sea, the recoil reaching its tendrils to each shore?

With each raise of her hand, I understood this fact. With each curl of her teeth speaking sharpened knives of criticism into my skin, permeating the flesh, straight to the bone, carving each curve into her image. This is what she was able to control, this entity she has the power to alter.

She was not the villain. I was.

See me in heaven

When I’ve passed away

In the stars; in the moon

In the milky way

In the breaking of dawn

Coral sun slowly rising

A scattering of brilliance

’Cross all the horizon

In majestic bald eagles

Aloft in the air

In the billowy clouds

That drift here and there

In the mid-day sunshine

That kisses your cheeks

That pierces the windows

And warms with its heat

In sea salty waves

That lap on the shore

In perpetual motion

Their ebb and their flow

In blossoms and flowers

That flourish in spring

In the birds of the morning

That echo and sing

In the showers of rain

That cleanse all the earth

And wash it anew

Bringing joy and mirth

In fiery sunsets

Of deep orange and pink

As the cool, blue sky

Is brushed with eve’s ink

See me, I’m with you

Gaze with your eyes

My body gave way

So my spirit could fly

-Rei

I’ve got friends I can’t see or much less talk to.

Either moved away, gone to fight, or gone for good.

We made bonds so strong, love did flee from its might.

Through misery and pain our ship grew, in number and in emotional power.

I’ve watched and fought after them as if brothers and sisters in the same kin.

I watched them fight and die in wars they couldn’t win.

And in those battles we did lose men and women.

I’ve watched as tears fell like empty shells falling from a AK47.

I was once trapped in the opposite side of the monitor screen,

On that day, a soldier fighting a cannibalistic war in his mind, ended it.

I watched as tears flooded his face as he placed a glock to his temple.

But there was no light left to leave his eyes by the time he pulled the trigger.

With that, please do not come to me with the phrase “you don’t understand my pain.”

I know the war you face and I won’t let another soldier fall!

We will see this war won.

I’ve got my battle plans and armaments ready.

Just give me the word and I’ll wage war ravagly against your demons.

Please just give me the word.