Writing is my sanity.
It's what keeps the little voices in my head quiet. And they do need quieting. Dealing with you unstable motherfuckers is exhausting. Like how I flipped that around? I hear the voices but you're the ones that are crazy. But it's true. Or did you think performing the same action that causes you pain over and over is a sign of rational behavior? I didn't think so either. Life is not that difficult. See problem. Make change. All you have to do is make a decision. You are your own source of misery and I can't tell you how tired I am of trying to save you from yourselves. And the worst part is that it's usually all trivial bullshit. But you keep coming to me for help. And I do help. Because I will not judge you based on the behavior of the others. You are you. You get a clean slate. Until you start showing the same pattern of mentally self destructive behavior. You like your drama. You will argue otherwise but if that were truly the case, then you'd make an effort to break free of it rather than immerse yourself in it further. Before you call me hypocrite, don't you worry, I reflect on those moments, realize the type of person so many of you are and quietly step away. Until the next person comes along. A few eyes have been opened. They make it worth it. But the rest of you? I give you just enough rope to hang yourself. Your social Rorschach as it were. Here for you until you prove to me that you're not interested in helping yourself.
So that's why I write. I get my thoughts on paper. Empty my mind. It helps me clear out all the negativity and get back to the happy, content person I am. I have a wonderful family. A select handful of wonderful friends. I don't need to muck up my life because you're too stupid to help yourself. Odin knows if I kept all your nonsense inside my skull, it would have exploded a long time ago.
Fuck. Your. Hope.
"This is the year where hope fails you." -Slipknot "Pulse of the Maggots"
Succinctly put Mr. Corey Taylor.
All hope is gone. Damn it. Can't stop with the Slipknot references. Must be because it's so true. Faith. Belief. Hope. Humanity has stripped it all away. We push each other to the breaking point. We shatter one another's dreams. We condemn before we understand. Our own closed minded behavior, our inability to look at the bigger picture. Our desire to be right instead of trying to understand another person's point of view. We could have utopia if we could just get over ourselves. But our individual narcism has doomed everyone. The only hope left is the lies you tell yourself to help you sleep at night. Telling yourself that you're a good person. Telling yourself that tomorrow will be better. And it could be. But you won't do anything about it. And God. If He/She/It even exists, well, the omnipotent, omniscient has a pretty strict hands off policy anyway. Your prayers don't mean a thing.
I want to believe. I want there to be potential. I want hope and faith and for everything good and right in this world to succeed.
You ask me to speak on faith and belief. But I cannot. Because they don't exist anymore.
