A Part of My Past
I was driving home with my windows down and the radio blasting. It had been two weeks since you ditched me for the more popular group of girls. We grew up together, you were my best friend. I guess you weren't as attached to me as I was to you. Instead of sticking by me, when you saw an opportunity to join them you took it. It leaves me wondering if you hesitated at all or feel any remorse. I cried a lot that first week but slowly that sadness and hurt dissipated, leaving only a numb acceptance.
I had just been driving back from the beach when our song came on. The one that we always sang together as loud as humanly possible. I almost pressed the button to skip it but hearing it made me remember all of the good times. It was then I realized, what good would it do to pretend we had never been friends? Why should I get rid of things that made me laugh or be happy simply because you are in those memories? It wouldn't help me to hold on to anger or resentment about our lost friendship.
On this drive I finally found myself moving on. You were there during my hard times when I was young. I know if you come back I would forgive you but I've decided I won't forget. If you want my trust back you'll have to earn it. You were a part of my past for better and worse.
I'll miss who you were and see who you are now, but never once will I pretend that we barely knew each other. People can learn from their pasts and their mistakes. So I choose to learn from you and what you did to me.
Reflections of the Soul
Sighing Ezra continuing pacing the clearing. The mist had came in much earlier than he expected. He came to this mountain regularly for training. Despite the dangers he enjoyed coming here, it was calm and quite. Best of all there were no people tobother him. So when he was trying a new move he would ocme up here so he wasn’t made to feel like a useless failure when he messed up.
After pacing for another several minutes, the 18-year-old stopped and let out a short frustrated yell. He didn’t let it be too loud or long, there were many dangerous creature that lived up here and would love to try and eat him.
Even though he had cast a spell that protected the clearing he still didn’t want to risk alerting any predators.
Ezra glared down at a large puddle that he had stopped infront of. His reflection easright back and he couldn’t help but feel like that was appropriate. It matched what was going on in his head.
Most people don’t get tested for magic until they turn 19. Instead his ‘gift’ for magic showed up when he had turned 16. He was put with a mentor just like everyone else. However, since he was deemed to be strong enough, that only lasted a few months.
Most may have a mentor for years, the purpose is to teach the mentees not only how to summon magic but also how to wield it. He wasn’t really taught how to wield it, hence the solo training on a dangerous mountain.
“Maybe I should just take over. I keep being told I could,” Ezras mused aloud, “I have the power and means. If I was in charge I could make sure nothing like this ever happens again. Kids won’t have to be separated from families, and they would have good smart mentors.”
Before the young adult could continue with that train of thought, a movement in the puddle catches his eyes. Ezra stared at his reflection for a minute, trying to figure out if he actually saw something. The longer he looked the more he thought he was going insane.
‘Maybe I should take a nap or something. It can’t be a good sign if I’m seeing things.’ Ezra thought ruefully. He hadn’t been sleeping very well lately, maybe that had something to do with it.
Before he can decide that there hadn’t actually been anything that moved in the puddle, his reflection cocked it’s head with an evil smile. Ezra’s eye widen and he jumps back.
He hadn’t moved. And even if he did certainly not like that.
While he was still processing whatever just happened, the puddle started to rise. As it was rising it started to form a human-like body, slowly it started to resemble Ezra. The only difference was the blood red eyes that stared back.
Ezra could do nothing but stare at the imposter and hope it would disappear. That hope died as his living relfection stepped froward, never once losing it’s evil grin. The creature crouched forward in an offensive magic position. Imeaditly and subconsiously Ezra followed suit.
Ezra smirked, he was one of the strongest magic user alive. The monster wouldn’t stand a chance even if it shared his body.
This mentality lasted through the first few minutes, until Ezra realized that the monster was winning. Every time one of the young adult’s attacks landed and it looked like he was that much closer to winning, the reflection would somehow be entirely restored.
Turning on his heel, Ezra decided to run. He wasn’t winning this fight and he probably wouldn’t. This creature matched more than just his face but also his powers and skill. This could easily spell his end, and he didn’t want to die at 18.
‘Someone else can deal with this,’ Ezra thought as he left the clearing. If he kept running no other monsters should bother him. If he could make it off the mountain, the creature would probably stop chasing him too.
As he was sprinting through the dense forrest, Ezra’s foot caught a root and he barely managed to catch himself into a roll. As he was falling several ice spikes went flying where his head had just been.
Ezra’s eyes widened as he kept moving only slowing down slightly to check over his shoulder. The monster was still on his heel. The reflection was starting to gather water around itself for another attack.
Thinking quickly Ezra started dogdeing through and around the trees to make himself a harder target to hit. This was proven a smart idea when attacks started flying past him. The attacks kept hitting trees leaving a sizeable dent. Ezra didn’t want to learn what that would do to weak human skin.
Suddenly all the spells stopped and the footstep echoing behind him quieted. Ezra spotted a large tree trunk, without hesitation The young adult dodged around it and then dove for the slight shelter.
He curled into a ball waiting for some kind of impact. After a minute of nothing Ezra poked his head around the tree. When there wasn’t anything there he check the otherside for the same result.
The monster had simply left.
‘Maybe I ran past it’s boundary?’ Ezra thought in confusion. With a shrug he turned ready to continue his run to the base of the mountain. If the monster decided he wasn’t worth the chase then what did he care.
Before he could start running he felt guilt clutch at him. The logic in his head was telling him to leave it. After all that is what people would expect of him. Shaking his head the magician decieded to leave. It wasn’t his problem to deal with it.
Ezra started jogging continuing his previously thought out path to leave. What happened here doesn’t matter, he can find a new place train away from other people. Before he can get far Ezra hears something that makes him stop abruptly.
It was a scream accompanied by an evil laugh. The scream sounded more like pain than terror and the laugh sounded like it was under water. Neither sounded human.
The reflection must have found another prey, which would explain why it left him. Biting his lips Ezra knew he didn’t have long to make decision, whatever screamed probably couldn’t last very long.
If he went to help like his heart was screaming at him to do, what help would he be. The living reflection absolutely beat his ass, he would probably cause more harm than good. Besides his logic is telling him to leave for those very reasons.
The Magicain Council didn't do much but they did teach him to listen to logic over feelings. With a deep breath the 18-year-old made up his mind. Clenching a fist he turned and ran. He always enjoyed spiting and ignoring that stupid council.
When Ezra got to the area of the fight he was shocked to see the reflection attacking a rabbit. Rabbits were thought to be extinct, the population had been killed off when people learned of the magic that laced the world. Rabbits were one of the most magical creatures, something people realised quickly.
As the reflection prepped to shoot the wounded rabbit, Ezra jumped forward using the magic in the air to create a shield, sheltering him and the rabbit from rocks that came hurtling at them. The reflections face changed from it’s evil smirk for the first time but changed back quickly.
It seemed to be baiting him but Ezra wasn’t falling for it, this might be more powerful than him but he wasn’t backing down. There was something that needed to be protected, so no matter what he would try his hardest.
After realizing that Ezra wouldn’t fall for the taunts anymore it summoned water from the mist in the forest. The reflection turned the Water into small ice pellets. The projectiles floated around for a minute before the barrage started relentlessly hitting his shield.
Ezra started thinking of creative plans this thing knew all of his regular attacks but maybe he could surprise it with different techniques. He was stumped for a minute before it came to him.
The reflection was made of water wasn’t it? It had formed from a puddle and mostly used water from the air even though using the rocks on the forest floor would be easier. The thing had to be getting extra strength from the mist.
Quickly Ezra shoved outward with his shield knocking away the ice spikes and hitting the reflection. Quickly he summoned as much wind and air as possible charging them between his hands so it was like a small twister.
Then he released it. The strength of wind blew away all the mist and even most of the dew on various plants.
Ezra glared as the reflection stood again though it looked kinda battered. Maybe he could do this, he would overpower himself if he had to. There was a creature depending on him for help and he wouldn’t let them down.
The monster staggered and Ezra quickly used a stone to cut through it’s head. Had he stabbed it anywhere else the death would have been long and painful. Even though it caused harm and would most likely continue to, Ezra couldn’t, no he wouldn’t leave something to die a slow painful death.
Ezra watched as the magic and body dissipated, the water seeping back into the ground. After he was completely sure that the reflection had been destroyed, Ezra turned and hurried over to the rabbit. The poor thing was out cold so he picked it up and started to lightly jog back to his training clearing. It apparently wasn’t monster proof but definitely monster resistance.
After a moment of indecision Ezra kicked open his folded sleeping bag and gently laid down the rabbit. Quickly he pulled out some of his bandages, before he applied them to the injured creature he noted that this was the only roll of bandage he had left.
Looking at the cut down the rabbit’s leg Ezra quickly started wrapping it tightly to stop the blood. He wasn’t trained in medicine, especially not animal medicine. Taking a deep breath Ezra sat back against the large boulder, using it like he had many times in the past.
Closing his eyes the young magican decided to doze for a bit, he would do what he could for the rabbit if it was still there when he woke up. There was a chance the small creature would leave as soon as it was awake. Besides the adrenaline from the fight was starting to fade and he could barely keep his eyes open.
As he was starting to fully doze Ezra felt a small weight crawl into his lap. Slowly he opened his eyes hoping nothing was about to kill him, he used all his energy already. Instead what he woke up to was a pair of brilliant violet eyes staring into his soul. Blinking a few times he realized those eyes belonged to the rabbit he saved.
‘Thank you human. What is your name?’ a feminine voice said from nowhere. Ezra jumped and looked around. Maybe he was dreaming and had fallen more asleep than he thought. There was an ethereal chuckle before the voice was back again.
‘You are not asleep child, however I wish to thank you.’ Once again Ezra couldn’t find the person responsible for speaking. The only other living thing in the clearing was the rabbit still sitting on his lap.
“Who said that?” Ezra asked, supsiously eyeing the rabbit still staring at him. Long graceful ears flicked back and forth, without thinking Ezra started to pet soft fur only slightly remembering that this was an animal that probably wouldn’t want to be touched.
‘That was me human,’ the voice started once again, ‘My name is Mana. the creature you saved me from was called a reflected shadow. It is brought forth from someone’s anger, hate, fear, and arrogance. It takes the form of a person with those emotions covering their heart. Then it won’t stop until it is either killed by the person, or whoever they are imitating is dead.’
Hazel eyes blew open wide as Ezra realised the speaker was the rabbit. Which shouldn’t be possible. However what the creature was saying made sense, more or less. After all the monster appeared as he started to listen to the teachings of the MC. When he was having his darkest thoughts.
‘Most lose to this creature for one crucial reason.’ the rabbit continued speaking seemingly unaware of the thoughts in the young adult’s head. ‘The creature gains power with everything dark emotion. Had you left me to be killed or ran during the fight the monster would have killed me before continuing to hunt you.’
Though every word that Mana spoke made sense, Ezra still didn’t understand what was happening. The rabbit he had saved was speaking to him, kinda. It was communicating with him but wasn’t using actual words. Finally after the rabbit paused and a moment of failing to speak Ezra finally managed to get words out.
“Okay so that makes sense, but how are you talking to me? And why?” Ezra hated how out of his depths he sounded. He had been trained better than this. Still he couldn’t keep the confusion from his voice or the worry from his eyes as he waited for an answer.
‘I am talking to you through telepathy,’ Mana said simply as she cocked her head and continued, ‘As for why it is because you saved me. If a person saves a magical creature’s life a connection is formed. The animal can use this to communicate with the human, this can be permanent or temporary. In some cases the animal will thank the person then leave and the connection will be broken.’
Ezra looked at her in confusion, this wasn’t something that he was ever taught. Though it sounded vaguely familiar. He was glad as she continued explaining what was happening.
‘For it to be permanent the pair have to bond their souls. It is this that makes the connetion stable. To do this both parties have to agree. This will cause a few changes in both parties. The animal will change colors. The person will experience more changes including a change in eye color, an increase of a sense and quicker reflexes.’
Mana finished her explanation and waited for a response. Ezra had finally figured out why it sounded familiar, she was talking about animal guides. They were rather rare but still happened occasionally. Everything she said reflected what the humans knew but more in depth.
Still she was possibly talking about them becoming soul partners. Which would be amazing, but she might just be answering a question. She hadn’t exactly asked him but maybe it was expected that the people ask not the animal.
After a minute of contemplating Ezra finally decides to ask. “Would you be willing to bond with me?” Ezra could feel his body crying out in pain and exhaustion regardless of what she answered, he would still probably pass out.
‘Yes, I would enjoy being your guide in this world. You have proven yourself better than most by fighting a stronger version of yourself to save another’s life. It would do you well to have a companion who cares about you.’ Ezra could feel Mana’s fondness as she spoke, even while he was falling closer and closer to sleep.
‘Sleep well little one.’ Before his eyes fell shut completely Ezra could see a golden light and felt all of his pain disappear. ‘I will protect you while you sleep.’
Trying to Push Through
I don't know if I want to try again
I'm crying in my pillow quietly
Everything hurts and I'm so tired
I think about the next day and the day after that
Knowing I have to do this all again tomorrow
I know it's only going to hurt
But I was raised to fight
I will push on
I will fight forwards through this terrible storm
I will see the light of day again
I will see through the rain
I don't know if I want to try again
But I do know I'll keep pushing through to do it all again
Courage of Heroes
Heroes are made
They aren’t just born
When their courage is tested, they still stayed
Laying their life down, if that’s the price to be paid
When the choice is tough, and they are torn
Heroes are made
Faced with impossibility, they aren’t unafraid
Hurt and defeated, their hope is worn
When their courage is tested, they still stayed
To all they aid
To whom their protection they have sworn
Heroes are made
Their lives for others, they would trade
Even as they’re faced with scorn
When their courage is tested, they still stayed
Their heart may now be weighed
Thier lives may be mourned
Heroes are made
When their courage is tested , they still stayed
Staying alive
Everything always hurts
No one ever understands
My parents try but they make it so much harder
I only joke about it with my friends
I can't talk to any teachers or adults
My sisters are all out there living their lives
I hold that pill bottle full of painkillers
I wonder if that would make everything numb
Get rid of that pain I've felt since I was thirteen
But then I remember
My older sisters
My parents
My family
My friends
My "adopted" little sister
They mean the world to me
No
They mean life to me
My oldest sister is starting to live on her own
I can't ruin the beginning of her adult life
My second oldest sister is out in Australia, finally overcoming her anxiety
She's come so far and done so much, how could I ruin that for her
My third oldest sister is just starting college, figuring out what she wants to do
I don't want to ruin her future or interests
My friends are all struggling through high school as well
I would ruin so many of the few fond memories they had made
My best friend is overcoming so many of her childhood traumas
I would ruin so much progress and make her work through even more
My parents try so hard, and do so much
I would make them feel like they failed when it wasn't them
My grandmother is kind and cares so much
I can't make her outlive her youngest grandchild
My little "sister" is starting High school, and she's excited to see me more
She's gone through so much with her family how could I put her through more
While I sit on my bed
Awake in the middle of the night
Wondering if this pain is worth it
I remember the reasons I struggle on
Playing games with family at gatherings
Grocecry shopping with one sister
Talking with another
Writing with the thrid
Poking fun at my friends
Joking with my dad
Crafting with my mom
The puttering and worry of my grandmother
Laughing with my little "sister"
I would do anything for all of them
Drop everything for them
So I drop the bottle, and the idea
And hold onto the memories for as long as I can
A River
A relationship is a river
It can be peaceful and calm
Sometimes it’s destructive
Maybe it’s nurturing
Maybe it’s polluted
Some need it to live
Some can live without it
It can be rushing through places
Or it meanders down stream
It’s sometimes a straight shot
But it may be too curvy to see where it’s going
It can be a curse to some
Or a blessing to others
It can hurt people
And heal just as many
It can be deceitful
Or clear the lies
Seasons of Emotion
Winter is beautiful to those who can appreciate it, but many just see ice
Spring barely knows it’s own feelings, mood and thoughts swinging wildly
Summer is passionate full of warmth & love, but also storm & fear
Fall is often mild but can be burning with passion or cold with apathy