The gentle flame ignites

Your face contorts across from me

The beauty of the light is the only buffer

that stand between me and the monster

that deceived my loving eyes so long ago.

I see shadows on the walls

I hear voices down the halls

I hear everything And then-

Am I the monster to my friends?

I scream and yell and I throw things

I want to change my very being-

who is this monster that I use to know?

Not something else I want to show-

I Don’t try or mean to be

something scary, that all can see

I try my best, now every day

To push the voices, and monster away

For Now I pray that all goes away

The monster and all of my shame-

I want to be a better beast-

Better then the monster I was at hand

so maybe one day I’ll roam free

not scaring the friends I want to see

now this is all a prayer I pray-

to release the monster every day

So dark in lightness

My mind like a storm

Its clearing imminent

Still drowning life with thought patterns in swarms

Cackling laughter

And profusely shed tears

As if joy was a person

And depression her attachment and fear

Thoughts of wonder

Delight and misery

Anger in gratitude

I create like some sort of witchery

How can I be

But not all the same

Each day feeling reset

No pause in this game

A level higher

I seek to climb

But as I ascend

The deeper I dive

Into a darkness

Cast obscurely aglow

Runes familiar

They say you reap as you sow

And so I see

Or at least I listen

All I know is my breath

And I inhale as if it my soul mission

So dark in lightness

Maybe it’s balance I crave as I swing

The clouds always part

The sunlight sparkles in the spring

As the frost begins to melt

Nature assures its return

Ebbing and flowing in evolution

In its fluctuations I’m beginning to learn

I honor my darkness

I respect my light

I embody it all

So with my soul I may reunite

I drown, going deeper and deeper

I struggle to swim despite my filled lungs

But as I try to swim, the pull down into the depths increased

It is like I have no other choice

Like a game

I have to play it the way the creator want

My insides are screaming for life

But my body isn't willing to comply

I am lazy but it sounds like more

Like a paralysing force

That puts my body in lockdown

Unable to struggle any longer

I drown deeper and deeper

My insides giving up with a thought

'Is this what my life is worth?'