I am lonely, but not alone. I have friends, and I have family. What I do not have is someone to hold me, not like the other girls do. Everybody around me has been kissed, held, been told those three precious words. Only once have I had that "someone", yet it wasn't love. Just an act of despair and desperation out of the need of love like the others have. He loved me but I did not love him, a mistake I will never again make. But still, my desperation bleeds through, burning me so harshly as if I were paper drenched in alcohol. I am so strong, but in my need for love, my weakness pours itself out. I know I am beautiful. I know and love who I am and who I wish to be. But perhaps this is what draws them away from me. Perhaps boys want someone whom they need to protect. Maybe they don't enjoy the confidence I have. Or maybe it is simply my quiet nature. Perhaps I am invisible to them. I do not make a show of myself. Though I am not shy, I am reserved. I will never be the loudest voice in the room. I will only speak if I feel the words are truly needed and even then, I am not often heard. Perhaps I am just another body in the crowd, a girl they barely even see the surface of with a just a quick glimpse. Oh, if only the knew how deep my soul goes. Or maybe it is my deep soul causing my wounds from this pathetic need of love. Perhaps no one is willing to dig that deep into my heart, for it would be so long a journey. And it is one no boy is willing to take. Others simply fall in love, but I am one you must learn to love. And learning to love is something I also must do, as I have never had such a beautiful thing. But the world is in a rush nowadays. Who would want to take the time it would to love me? It would be so long and so much. And though I am beautiful, I am invisible. And though I am deep no boy is even willing to look into my eyes long enough, not like they do with the other girls. So perhaps I am simply unseen. Or I am simply too much to take. But I will not change, for I have no desire to. I will wait for somebody to see me in love, someone who will be willing and wanting to take the steps into my strange world and mind. But I am impatient and I am already drowning in the deep longing love has cursed humans with. So perhaps this is simply how it is to be. Perhaps, this is my tragedy.

The chandelier spins

Every day ends with you

I wish I could control it

Maybe one day I'll hold it

Invading concentration

Evading conversation

Thoughts are deeper than words

Dragging along the concrete

Pulling at my own arm

Wanting to let go

But grabbing back with both when I think about the way you smile

The way you talk

I think about it all the time

You make my hairs stand up

I hate that I feel this way

We grew up dropping countless jars full of multicolored marbles and being humiliated by the world for being so foolishly careless. Later on in life we went on to do incredible things with bits and pieces of our shattered hearts once the universe united us – things which made me believe we were born to create astonishingly gorgeous mosaics. You and I became two clumsy yet happy lovers doing clumsy yet wondrous things whilst clumsily yet madly in love.

That pain you get in your chest

When your heart breaks

That feeling in your stomach

When something isn't right

That pounding in your head

When you get sick of reality

The frog in your throat

When you have to speak

The sweat on your palms

When s/he is about to hold your hand

The waterfall down your face

When things start to no longer be okay

The warm in the hug

When someone special pulls you close

That softness

When your lips touch