To be a Fly

on the retina

of your eye...

Then perhaps

I'd sense Your

perspective....

Your focus &

frame and the

angles taken...

A thousand

facets for this

compound lens

I hazard ...

in passing

to comprehend!

Perhaps you'll look

at me one day

and let me in...

Into your 

inner most

conversation.

#FlyOnTheWall #Challenge

We’re all a bit damaged

Therefore it’s important to not find people who want to fix you

But people who fill you up with so much sunshine

That the damage is forced out of you

The key is not to be just the silver lining baby

It’s to be the whole damn sun!

Ritika.Jolly

Bitter black words fall from your lips, scattering to the ground around you like a hundred dead butterflies, their wings still twitching, their tiny legs still scrambling for purchase.

You drown yourself in the sludge that dribbles from your mouth, you let the darkness rise up from your knees to your waist to your throat, until it floods your tongue, viscous and inescapable. When that happens, you force your jaw closed, but even then, the torrent of sticky black self-loathing does not stop. Now it falls from your eyes, each drop stinging at your cheeks and feeding the oily ocean you’ve created.

You stand, motionless in your own creation, just waiting for a wave to sweep you over. For one last current to wash over your head, erasing you from this world forever.

What would it take to make you see the parts of you that I do? What would it take for you to finally look beyond the murky film that has blinded you to yourself?

You say that when you look around, all you can focus on are the things you don’t like; your figure, your failures, your faults. You don’t see a thing beyond that, and in doing so, you miss all the things that I see, the countless tiny things that I love so much about you.

The way you laugh, so rare nowadays, but so beautiful when you used to laugh with all of your body, as if not a single nerve in your body was allowed to escape the joy you’d just experienced. The way you used to sing sometimes, so free and careless and untouchable, like the world was your audience and regardless of whether they wanted to listen you or not, you would continue to serenade them. The way you cared for each and every person you came across, like they were your dearest friends, with that firm belief that no one and nothing deserved to be unloved.

What would it take for you to care about yourself like that, I wonder?

Alright, so that’s it then? Time to settle I suppose, because life’s taken me so far I can’t think and my minds barred, my thoughts flowing, I’m tired of it, because the more it does, the more it realizes the life I’m in and I feel within that it’s sickening,The more I think about where I am, the further it disappoints where I was going, a place that was glowing, a place that I once knew like it was where I had been forever but now it’s gone, and unfortunately it had been remembered. I can’t fathom the consequential depths of where my failures are taking me, because I can’t go any further. I can’t go any deeper, because what’s deeper to someone who’s never seen it? What’s deeper to someone who never dared to dream it? What’s deeper can’t be more pain because the pain I’m in is incomparable, but that’s just it I have nothing to compare it to.

To say I’m scared of the path I’ve taken would be an understatement, a sick, twisted reminiscence of the life I lived only serves to lower me, because I’ve seen the heights of where I once was, and the heights of where I once was, now, are too far to see. I suppose non-hyperbolically that I’ve fallen off. The climb back up looks inconceivable, and my desire to attempt it is vapid, because when I do fall off again it’ll be just as harrowing, but at least I’ll have mapped it.

At the same time, I wonder what’s deeper, this route is like a drug, I yearn for it, and the Pain is like a teacher, I learn for it, because the more I seem to learn, the more that this all hurts, and when you see a route to a potential polish, and you fail to do, that’s detrimental knowledge, and it’s failed you.

Maybe these are life’s so called peaks and valleys, and I hope so. But from the peaks I could see all the valleys, and from where I stand, I don’t see peaks, i just see the balance of a world where we all peak and move to lesser mountains, just to pursue what we once knew, because we can’t live without it, but what we once knew is in the past, but we can’t accept it the future, as it’s grim and vast, but may as well go forward, as I haven’t gassed, because if I can feel this pain, I know my emotions last.

In my dreams / I am a tornado of birds / that turns when you run to me / looking for escape in sky / that is full of you / I feel trapped / jagged, knapsacked / unsure of all my edges / what is a curve and what is a woman / and which can you hold / maybe I am more jazz than rock / more teeth than mouth / bigger than body / biting and changing / maybe only part of me responds when you ask / if I want this / maybe it is my language / imprecise diction / calling it fear / when it is isolated discomfort / an overwhelming loneliness / an eating away of the senses / a pendulum in perpetual motion / worried suspension lasts forever

I tore off little pieces of my soul,

and wrote them on napkins, gum wrappers, and shitty hotel stationary.

I gave them to you, little bits at a time, for safe keeping,

because I wanted you to have them, I thought you needed them.

I gave them away, all of them.

I don't know if you kept them.

You never asked for them, and you never gave me any words back.

I thought if I gave you enough, if you had the only parts of me worth having,

that I would be enough. That the little papers, tattered though they were, had words that were pretty enough to make your heart sing. That you would sing for me.

It's so silent here, and I've run out of paper,

there's no ink, and I cannot write.

So my soul has withered, and I've forgotten all my words.

Open your jar of life,

let the sunshine in,

rhapsody of zest

of drunken dew

dancing on your skin,

melting in mouth.

Sunshine radiating

like lemon bars -

a burst of sun

caressing your soul,

whistling flavor buds

kissing roof

of your mouth,

intense chocolate mood.

Tang of honeyed dreams,

taste of warm kisses

lingering at dusk,

pangs of pleasure

as sunshine spokes

stretch arms wide.

Fresh mown grass

on tip of your tongue,

dripping strawberry jam

in burst of flavor

on crustless toast.

Melting joy

tasting like nirvana.

Zing of promise

of purple grapes

embracing the sky.

#Challenge #TasteOfSunshine #pleasurePangs

Once upon a time

not so long ago penned

in a place you probably know

lived someone much like you

doing things a lot like you

dreaming on like most folk do

with fears and doubts just like us

sometimes distrusting quite like us

So say in the memory of the meadow

let's flock together as with a quill feather

poeting the spirit of the night in laughter

to always, always, keep our happily ever after...

#UnblockTheLove

i. of love and loss

I call, yet you don't hear

Instead, your hand squeezes my heart

I long to be loved, 

My heart is hardened and cold

Missing the feel of being yours. 

ii. of pain

I can't live any longer

While I'm bursting at the seams. 

Just give me another chance;

I'm tired of trying,

I'm sick of this fight, 

I shut the world away.

iii. of fear

I'm most afraid of

Unanswerable questions, like

Where will I go if I only believe in Hell?

I'll forever be scared of losing everyone, 

I see it sometimes in your eyes;

It's a fear of dying.

iv. enemy 

You had malicious intent

And even after this, you wouldn't let me in. 

You were not the air I breathed, 

You feed me the lies, 

But I'm addicted to you.

v. reflections on character

I like the feeling of this moment

But we don't live in a perfect world;

A lot of things can destroy me. 

I need to trust more and fear less,

Yet all my thoughts are trapped, my words all cease.

Your silence screams at me, 

But [is] beautiful nonetheless.

I don't want to change.

I'm sorry to tell you this, honey, but please listen close.

It has something to do with where we’ll rest our souls.

 A while ago, I sold mine to the Devil. 

Not for money or power or love, though he haggled.

I gave it to Lucifer, I gave it for keeps.

I let him have it for a moment of peace.

And that ol’ naughty Satan, do you know what he did?

He snatched my soul; in it's place, a demon now lives.

So, sorry dove, but I won't be with you when you see those pearly gates. 

I’ll be ruling in hell, sipping tea with some snakes.