models and

influencers on

Instagram

the girl who

shows us

her make up

routine

every day

with her latte

we live to

please the male gaze

but at what point

does the envy

go away

i'm

always scared

that you'll leave

me

that the

silence is

going to

last forever

that the

tangled knot

that keeps

us together

has been

untied

but still

you complete me

and your voice

is the one

that narrates

the thoughts

inside of my

head

"Don't wish, don't start. Don't lose sight of who you are."

If you want to dream, then fine. Dream. But not so far, not so strongly you compromise yourself to accomplish those dreams. Not so much that you make stupid decisons and share your stupid decisions with the world. The ends don't justify the means, and you knew that, but you went forward anyway. You thought, just this once, you could be someone else to get what you want. For months you've been drifting, and honestly, I thought you were getting better. You were. But now you're more lost than before. I don't recognize you, and neither does anyone else. Your a stranger to yourself, doing things you would never do, taking back decisons you made to help you just because you want to use who people know to accomplish a goal. Who are you, who are you, who are you? You made the excuse that you weren't using people; you were just asking for help. But you know that's not what that was. You know, you know, you know. You should be better. Not a child, not stupid, not alone, but so, so selfish. Life isn't about quantity, it's about quality. I love you to the ends of the earth, always, but I hate what you've become. You think only of you, and how you can improve, of what you could do if you only used others to do it. But that is wrong. No matter the eventual gains, that guilt is yours. Those wrongs are yours. However long you live, those mistakes will remain in your possession. But, if you can do better, if you can return to yourself, if you can be the wonderful person I know you are, I can forgive you. I can't if you are unwilling to be who you are. Forgiveness is entirely dependent on you being you, not you being someone else. You may not be perfect, and you may make mistakes, but when you are you, you are enough for this world. You are heading towards right, not selfishness and wrongness. And I believe you can. So, do that.

The truth is the Person Hate and Love all at once, is most likely the person I will Grow old with. Not because I said 'yes' when he finally fell on one knee and said those special words most girls dream of hear, even those who deny they want to hear it "Will you marry me?"

But because out everything that has my mind boggled theres one thing I am sure off...

You were specially created from me. Days when you gone for longer then an hour it feels like a week slipped by. Days when we argue, and dont speak I just want to kills you, yet i find myself doing selfless acts of caring without thinking. When you having a bad day; we are having a bad day. Sometimes you breathing can set me off, yet in those very moments you the only person I want close.

I hate you because since you entered my life I cant remember a time without you in it and I can't picture a life without you. And it scares me...I'm not one to scare easily.

I love you despite all your flaws because they are most probably the things that attracted me to you.

Let me twist your words

To make them love me

This love

Deeply rooted in my soul

Does it hurt this much for you?

You can’t know

You said there was no heartbreak

I can taste it in my coffee in the morning

No cream, unsweetened, black

Addictive

You got me to fall for you

And made me think you fell harder

I hate the way this has to be

I hate you for how much I love you

I hate you

yet I can't

cause

you mean more to me

than the sea

we came up with bob

i hate you

but i love you

you made our quote

we saved one another

yet we killed each other

The terrible, angry

grip of her voice,

berating me,

belittling me,

infuriating me

without provocation,

without justification.

Her against me.

I should go.

I should leave.

I should flee.

I should run.

All the shoulds

add up

to little.

One approving glance,

one kind word,

one soft caress,

one gentle kiss,

is all for which

I live.

As I glare into your eyes

I see the beauteous depth of my distaste for you, my love.

I stare at your smile

And I fall back in love.

Then, I attempt to kiss your loathsome lips

But I find they disgust me so.

They’re simply the method you use to tell me more lies.

I see your mannerisms, those things you do

And I remark at the many ways you cause me to fall deeper in love.

At the same time, I foam

At the mouth,

Become enraged

From all the things you seem to do.

I’ve just decided

Made the conclusion

That this romance we’ve had

Has always been just an illusion.