From that darkest place inside

I look out

As

They peer in

Trying to see

Where to place the blame

They think it's all over

I've been shrinking

For so long

No one noticed

How little is left of me

I give in

To that dark place

Which has been calling me

As long

As I can remember

Some do say

You start dying

The day you are born

I wonder

If anyone will see this

When I am gone

And care

That it wasn't all over

Until this moment

I didn't think it was all over

Until this moment

But

It is now.

today at CVS

a baby waved

it's fat little arms at me

laughed

threw her mask on the ground

and said

ALL DONE

her mom tried to

get it back on

but with no success

when I left

the fat baby waved at me

BYE BYE

and I hope someday

we can all wave that way

this virus was just growing pains

my mascot

magnificent

bonito baby monkey suit

sang my song

’til there was no green left to run on

go team

confetti showers

ignited superpowers

on the pitch

bright as floodlights

until that gerrard-esque slip

knocked my head off

like a molotov

all in all

it’s my fault

lo siento

dropped the tempo

fumbled the winning try

let it die

didn’t put magic dust in your eyes

it is what it is

more or less

happiness is within

not a league table

or anyone else

…or so someone said

(then why am i so f***ing depressed?)

err, i guess

just thank you

i’ll cheer from the sidelines

and back you

as you form a new team

with trophy-winning dreams

x

Here,

the past glimmers

like a pristine

Oasis, untouched

and holy;

the future--echoes

with the sound

of children laughing;

now, in this raft,

we traverse the

hostile seas with

only our hopes

to guide us to

safety;

All we have is now.

I am sinking. Down, down, down… into this same land of cruel beauty, that-even now-betrays my reality. A reality that I’m only able to escape from in my dreams. Or, atleast, one would hope. Truth is, even my subconscious mind is aware-precariously alert- to the fact that these beautiful koleisiacope of colors, this lush forestry and abundant peace- is a figment of my imagination.

when I awaken, as one does, I am haunted not by nightmares, but of that lovely land, so far away, so out of reach. How, in the waking world, I yearn to touch it. Taste it. Sense it. Feel it.