Tuesday, October 15th, 2024
12:54 p.m.
I'm sitting in my history class
door to my left, phone to my right.
writing a letter to God
instead of taking notes
like I should be.
I'm tired.
My hands twitch constantly,
the foreign feeling of my
twitching fingers tugging
lightly on my forearm
as if nudging me
to write, to paint,
to create.
I pray silently that
my day won't be as
colorless as the sky.
A reason to smile for real would be nice.
1:25 p.m.
My professor rambles about French maps.
I can't unstick the thick feeling of guilt
from deep inside my chest. It hurts early,
I have not broken our hearts.
Yet.
1:56 p.m.
The professor tells us about Dubai in the 1980’s, a picture of the old city’s dirt road on the projector.
My right hand twitches again.
My professor mentions war.
1:59 p.m.
What about me?
What about
the pain-free life
I’ve craved since birth?
My guilt grows. I feel selfish.
People all around the world
are dying, starving…
Suffering.
At least in that I keep them company.
2:14 p.m.
My professor dismisses us.
I get up and walk
out the door
leaving his classroom
behind,
begging God to
let my troubles
stay back
with it.
Once more my mind falls victim to
the thickness of my guilt, gluing
the thoughts deep in my chest, and
just like always they stay,
walking right back out
the cold wooden door
along with me.
Soaring And Sinking
"How are you today?"
What a silly set of words.
They can mean nothing and everything
Yet always pass in a blur
Swept by like seaweed in a tide
Crushed underfoot like glass running miles high
soar against the sky
just to come sinking down
you forget that no body cares
you forget how desolate the world seemed just moments ago,
because someone cared,
someone cared
even if it was just in passing
even if the wind stole your words
even if you never told them how much it hurts
It's just a pleasant sentence
one single set of words
they can tell you someone cares
but just as easily
remind you of the facade you must put forth.
The Greeting
"How are you doing today?"
Like you, I receive this greeting two or three times a day, especially from a coworker at the start of another workday. Sometimes the five-word question is sincere, but most often it is a mundane way to say "hi."
And the standard reply is usually just as routine: "Fine. And you?"
However, I decided years ago to break out of the rut, and answer the "how are you" greeting with a different word: "Smooth." (As in no problems, no difficulties.)
I often receive a raised eyebrow or a smile. But the first time a female coworker heard my reply, she was momentarily speechless. In the vacuum, I asked, "How are you doing?"
She paused and said, "Lumpy."
I changed the subject.