I wait patiently for a chance

for our hearts to quiver,

spasmed together.

Boldly, I want you in my life.

I stuff the sadness

of your absence

in my right front pocket,

taking it out once in a while

to ingrain you in my mind.

Is this the beginning

or the end

of our existence?

We are braided

closely together,

no matter how far

the ribbons unravel.

We both seek

the worlds in which

we are not,

wanting to tear

down the walls,

living for days

within our sanity.

Yearning, I touch

the glass window,

seeing to break

in pieces

the harsh reality

of you on the other side.

We are 50 struggling steps

beyond our time,

an allegorical street away

but there are no paths

connecting.

Striding down lonely roads

accompanied by hordes

of anxious souls,

my heart is heavy

without you

in my long tunnel

of disquiet,

a blinding haze.

I ran to hug you once

but you were only

lingering in my dreams.

The measure of distance

dashed in futility

on threatening rocks.

My body crumples

like scratch paper

without the pen

of you

inscribing our story.

I delete

my stark emotions

and slip beneath

the crying water,

wishing to embrace,

rather than imagine,

what could be

but never was.

And so, my love

we parted

before we began.

Really meant, "You still stink...

But, less so."  My only award

I have some talent, I think

But in something obscure

Can't run fast, am not strongest

Am not the very best speller

Don't write stories the longest

Can't do addition so stellar

"You're a good friend," says dad

"And," says mom, "you have sense."

"Then," I ask, "why am I so sad?"

"Why," I ask, "am I so tense?"

They bow their heads and shrug

"It's your plight, my love, to not fit

Now, please, let us give you a hug

Don't you worry, one little bit."

So close, no matter how far

Really meant, "You still stink...

But, less so." My only award

I have some talent, I think

But in something obscure

Can't run fast, am not strongest

Am not the very best speller

Don't write stories the longest

Can't do addition so stellar

"You're a good friend," says dad

"And," says mom, "you have sense."

"Then," I ask, "why am I so sad?"

"Why," I ask, "am I so tense?"

They bow their heads and shrug

"It's your plight, my love, to not fit

Now, please, let us give you a hug

Don't you worry, one little bit."

i fear you will fall

gracelessly

 down

so inconceivably far 

  down

      down

           down

Alice's Rabbit Hole.

only to vanish! in this terra incognita 

from us; selfishly

leaving for us this most unwelcome 

most bitter grief above. although

quite peculiar i feel to be 

standing here oh! so very near 

to this, which deems it seems, 

your abysmal fate. undistorted

i can see, unlike you, 

just how imminent, how you are 

so close, no matter how far

the distance may seem to you

with your rose-colored glasses. and now

i wonder how (if 

at all possible) will you  

ascend when 

you find its end?  if indeed

there is an end.

engrossed by your lucid belief

you keep at heart, so close, (no

matter how far abstruse

your logic truly is.) promises of

your quick return.  yet 

i yield.

i yield to you, to us, to this

as i refuse once more and again to allow

your inebriated (bacchic) state as an unjust estate

to devolve to another any further than 

you.

i see you, almost idyllic, as you sink

      deeper

               and  

                      deeper

into the murky amber water

of your cacoethes as

you honor

your whiskey. but 

curious, as am i, as for 

the aftermath from when 

you either fall down this

transcendental

 Rabbit Hole

        or 

drown crestfallen 

into your gilded spirits, simply

will your squandered soul 

float

up?