My therapist told me that a great way to get rid of my anger is to write letters to people I hate and then burn them. I did that and now I don’t know what to do with all these letters.
You can’t face your problems if your problem is your face.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Billy Connolly the Genius
"Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares! He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!"
Funny Short Quote
You really got to hand it to short people, because usually we can’t reach it anyway.
" All my life I thought air was free until I brought a bag of chips"
I’ll Never Choose just One! Never!
"If you're sad about being alone on valentine's day, just remember... Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either." - From Bungou Stray Dogs
"Go to hell"
"I can't go to hell, I'm all out of vacation days." - Undertale
*gawking at sister "...Mom, you wasted a perfectly good birth on this!" - That's so Raven
"The toilet paper God has forsaken this place." - Gintama
"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough." - ???
Caution in Kilts!
“Be careful if you wear a Sgian-dubh, or dirk dressed as a Scotsman, you could get “kilt” or poke out an “aye!””
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet sweaty things.
I now have to ramble to meet the minimum words.
Meanwhile, in the children’s department at the library...
Kid on computer: Look, Mommy, an elephant.
Mom: Oh, I see. What are you supposed to do with him?
Kid: It’s a girl elephant!
Mom: How can you tell?
Kid points indignantly at screen.
Mom: Ah, the eyelashes.
When everything turns to shit, make compost and grow a fucking garden.
Well, that’s not really that funny. So let’s try something else.
When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and let the world wonder how you did it.