Is it possible

to miss

someone I will

never know

is there such a thing

as ghost love

like a limb

torn from my body

phantom

I feel the blank space

where you are

supposed to be.

If only

I could gaze into liquid pools

of your bottomless eyes,

see the dusk of your shadow

knowing you are part of me.

If only

I could tell you I want to wrap

you inside me in gossamer threads,

your heart beat in time with mine,

could feel your body caress mine.

If only

Layered in fluidity of your words

I could feel your love lingering

with me in cushioning warmth,

a forever radiance I could grasp,

clutching forever in a corner of

my skin with you filling my pockets.

If only

Without tasting your essence,

I could savor your soul in droplets

of passion lingering on my tongue,

hold your memory zippered inside.

If only

I could feel you beside me, breathing,

cherished thoughts of what we shared

before you return from whence you came,

while I remain here, alone, yearning for you.

cold wet earth slipping through my fingers.

Missing someone

is like losing yourself

piece by piece

word by word

thought by thought

world by world

you by you.

for all your regrets and sorrows

are going to come rushing back tomorrow

to yank you out from your bliss

and leave lingering on your lips,

a lost lover's lost kiss.

11/9/18

seconds pass by

turning to minutes

each moving on to hours

then a full day

weeks gradually fly by

which bring on a new month.

oh my goodness!

time sure does go by so fast,

but with every time that passes

i miss you—

so much that I wish I could

just snap my fingers and you’d be

right here by my side-

and If i were to say by how much

you are missed

I think it would be greater than

500 times any number

a positive number/digit

and count that point on

till the next number aft’r that &

then the one after that one ‘n’ so...

you’ll see how

great You’re~

missed..

#500.

sometimes

i wake up

at night

alone

scared

and missing you

craving your touch

craving you

but only

sometimes

often i go back and forth

between liking you

and hoping you fall off the face of the Earth

other times i'm somewhere in the middle

and that makes sense to me

because i never had you

so how could i have lost you

thats what i think

but only sometimes

i miss being able

to want you

i miss us hiding the truth

but showing each other flashes

of it

i miss knowing

my positioning with you

i miss you

but only

sometimes

i'm sorry that it wasn't supposed

to happen

i'm sorry i didn't see

why

it wouldn't work

i'm sorry

i pushed you

but only

sometimes

i don't talk because

everything i want

to say

i know i can't

but i still wish

i could say it anyway

i want to talk

really talk

to you

but only

sometimes

did you know

that i imagine

a reality

where

neither of us

is scared

neither of us

is confused by

the other

but also

neither of us

wants the other

but only

sometimes

i still have hope

that what fell apart

never really did

just cracks waiting

to be filled

by having

the other one

i wonder if you

think about that too

but only

sometimes

as you’ve turned to go home

we will burn standing once

too close to the scope

your hand as if still

cupped beneath

my collar bone

to catch the beat

with seismographs

or so you’d thought

for whatever ears

feigned not to hear

too faint a pulse

standing ever

so near... louder

and it’s all too clear

our radiographs

will last reveal

whomsoever

the eyes 

would try

to conceal

in the 

not so 

distant 

future 

of the

Hubble

from which 

you evaluate

me back...

as a shrink

in a petri dish

blue and green

like your favorite

aging cheese...

with microscopic

semitransparency waiting

to return someday the

stethoscopic favor

around your neck... 

to the death my friend

or for whenever

we’ll need it

again...

#missingsomeone #challenge

at times my heart cracks open and I bleed

until my tears run dry

the realization of how much I miss you

hitting me with double force

and those moments

when I forget,

I forget to remember you

as if you were never gone

present somewhere near

but never leaving a trace

nothing touchable

yet comforting

as if you were still here

I miss you

I wish you were still here

so I could say it out loud

to you

not just to the wind in my heart

I miss you

maybe you heard me this time

...

Suddenly

I’m among a zillion stars

Burning embers

In an endless universe

Space isn’t cold

I’m comfortable

Time doesn’t exist

I have no pain

I have no fear

A soothing voice is calling me

Beckoning me

I’m not anxious

I must go

Drifting away toward eternity

Remember me but don’t miss me

I’m safe

I’m going home

“Do you miss him?” They ask.

“No,” I tell them.

Because it’s the truth

Isn’t it?

Yet....

Yet,

Why then?

Why do I find my eyes linger

On a group of family?

Watching

As their father holds them up.

And

There’s a slight

Ache in my heart.

Why do I find myself

Wondering

Thinking

About how it would be

If he was here.

Then there’s time

Those rare calls

That go past long hours

And I find

A smile sneaking on my face.

And those times

Where I’m with a group of friends

that moment

Where I have to correct them

“...No, my father doesn’t live with us,”

Anymore.

And I feel like tears are threatening

To fall

Down.

And—

I just hate it so much.

There’s no more bitter feelings

No more pain

Just that—

A thought

Of him.

And I feel like

There’s something

Always

Off

In my life.

Maybe it’s just denial

Just feeling of upset that follows

Or... the way I learned to cope with

Things like this.

“Do you miss him,” They ask.

I stop for a second and then I answer..

“No,” yes.

It is strange now, to walk all alone when not so

Long ago I was holding your hand and you

Were walking along my side, laughing and talking about

your day, your work and the things you find

beautiful.

It is strange now, because walls still whisper your name

And all the rooms still remember you and your scent,

And things you left and things you gave and things you lost here

still carry your name which echoes amidst a broken man.

It is strange now, because you are one phone call away,

one message away, one picture away.

You are my forbidden fruit, my chain, my freedom, my cure, my addiction,

My victory and my defeat,

And the only thing I can do now is to pray for patience and pray for oblivion,

to ride out this storm and at last

be at peace.