Down to Bethlehem
Chorus: Fellow traveler on the road
Are you going down to Bethlehem?
Hey there, traveler, are you going
Are you going on down
When you kneel before the baby
Please, I ask you, say
You left me with empty hands
And I can't come there today
Chorus:
I had a present for the baby
But it fell astray
Tell them as soon as I find another one
I'll be on my way
Chorus:
You say the baby loves my hands
Though empty they may be
He waits to fill them up with love
And peace and joy for me
Chorus:
Hey, friend traveler, you won't get far
Walking so very slow
But, since you seem to be waiting for me
Well, I guess I'm ready to go.
Chorus:
Freezing Our Little Toes Off
(This can be sung to the tune of Mele Kalikimaka)
Freezing our little toes off is the thing we say
on a cold, depressing winter day.
That's the exclamation that we boo hoo hoo
in a place that's dark and gray.
Here we know the weather will be such a fright.
The cars won't start by day. The pipes will burst at night.
Freezing our little toes off is another way
to say that wool socks won't do.
Freezing our hands and feet off is the thing we say
at the time a blizzard's come our way.
That's a declaration which should be a clue,
it's a place to visit - not stay.
Here we know extremities will get frostbite.
Then we will feel dismay, and things won't be all right.
Freezing our hands and feet off is another way
to say boots and mittens won't do.
Freezing our crazy heads off is the thing we say
on a cruel and icy winter day.
That's the dire warning that we give to you
'cause the chill's no holiday.
Here we know the firewood had better light.
If power goes away we will be dead by night.
Freezing our crazy heads off is another way
to say twenty blankets won't do.
Freezing our little toes off is the thing we say
on a cold, depressing winter day.
That's the exclamation that we boo hoo hoo
in a place that's dark and gray.
Here we know the weather will be such a fright.
The cars won't start by day. The pipes will burst at night.
Freezing our little toes off is another way
to say that wool socks -
that's really, really thick wool socks -
to say that wool socks won't do.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you won't be sharing this with small children, you can replace
"Freezing our little toes off"
with
"Freezing our nuts and butts off." :)
My So-So Version of “Here Comes Santa Claus”
Here comes mother-in-law,
here comes mother-in-law,
storming down my main street.
She’s got a look on her face,
that says someone’s gonna get beat,
so, I better lock my doors
turn out the lights,
and pretend that I’m not home,
and say my prayers
that mother-in-law doesn’t stop here tonight.
I hear mother-in-law,
I hear mother-in-law,
breathing on my front door,
her hands are filled with a hammer and nails,
and my life’s about to not be the same.
What did I ever do to deserve her into my life?
Guess that’s what happens when the woman I love
has a mother who taught Grinch all the tricks.
Oh what a horrible sight she is,
hurry up, get home honey, I’m about to be fried!
__________
The original by Gene Autry
https://youtu.be/XK60Cwwp_EI
A Realistic 12 Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Something made by child labor in a third world country
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
-Pause here to wonder what idiot would by gifts for each of the 12 days of Christmas-
Five Funion rings
-Pause whoever it was they were probably murdered by the songs first singers-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Six worthless junk found at Walmart kind of things
-Pause here to question whose F*&%ing idea it was to write this song-
Five Funion rings
-Pause after deciding the writer of this song was a sadistic piece of s*%$
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six worthless junk found at Walmart kind of things
-Pause here to breathe in-
Five Funion rings
-Pause you’ve successfully resupplied your brain with oxygen-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the eight day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to contemplate painless method to end the suffering caused by this song-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here to realize this song is just one of many causes of suffering in your life-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the nineth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to realize the people on Prose probably won’t read this far-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. F*&% it. Mamma didn’t raise a quiter-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Ten descriptions of new religions not involving Christmas I’ll be considering
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to realize this song parody is stupid-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. Of course it’s stupid. Look whose writing it.-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Eleven gift cards soon to be lost
Ten descriptions of new religions not involving Christmas I’ll be considering
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to realize that Pagans original idea of the season is better-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. Yep Pagans. Dance naked around a tree, sacrifice a goat. Good times except for the goat-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the twelth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Twelve avoided conversations about the holiday shopping cost
Eleven gift cards soon to be lost
Ten descriptions of new religions not involving Christmas I’ll be considering
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, Blessed Kwanza, etc-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. And a happy New Year!
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
It’s Christmas time again
So tell me why I don’t
Want to spend another year with them.
I don’t wanna go to church in a frilly ass dress,
But if I don’t my relatives will have a press conference,
Discussing my problems and my future and my well being and I want it all to...
STOP!
Merry Christmas!
I open the door for
Six more
Little kids waiting to
Suffocate me.
Happy holidays, dearest family!
Although I’d rather be
Alone, away from your
Suffocating fake caring
Just
Leave
Me
Be...
Please!
It’s Christmas time again,
And I’m done with pretend.
I’m going to take a stand...
I’m going to take a stand...
“Hi Mom? How was your week? Oh, that’s wonderful! Come in, come in!”
Or not.
Holla’ for the Holidayz
HOOK
Holla’ for the Holidayz,
celebrate all kinds’o ways;
big ways, small ways,
even sideways.
Holla’ for the holidayz,
Holla’ for the holidayz!
VERSE I
Holla’ for the holidayz, time to rejoice,
so gather ‘round ya’ girlz and gather ‘round ya’ boyz,
as the music climbs to a peak, lift up your voice;
ya’ know the music’s bangin’,
so ya’ got no choice.
Holla’ for the holidayz, let’s celebrate;
shit is poppin’ now, so don’t you be late
and if you’re feelin’ hungry, grab yourself a plate,
then when it’s time for dessert, nibble on your date.
HOOK
VERSE II
Holla’ for the holidayz, gather all around
while we dance this mutha’ into the ground.
If you’re a joker, now’s your time to clown
and maybe do something you’ll never live down.
Holla’ for the holidayz, everyone’s welcome,
whether you’re an associate or a closer chum.
Everybody can join in, whether you hum,
blow a mean sax or even pound a drum.
~ INSTRUMENTAL SOLOS ~
BRIDGE
Holla’ for the holidayz;
say “holla’, holla’”
(holla’, holla’)!
Holla’ for the holidayz;
say “holla’, holla’”
(holla’, holla’)!
Holla’ for the holidayz
(holla’, holla’)!
Now let’s all give
$istah a dolla’!
*cricket sounds*
HOOK
VERSE III
Holla’ for the holidayz, late into the night;
when the clock strikes one, no need for flight;
there’ no work tomorrow, so it’s alright,
just grab your partner and hold on tight.
Holla’ for the holidayz, loud and long.
in this joint is where you and yours belong;
the eats are good and the drinks are strong.
so listen to $istah and you can’t go wrong!
HOOK
BRIDGE
© 2017, $istah Hi~ProsE
Simple Present
This christmas song,
I write for you,
I'll sing it loud and clear
I fill its lines with love
and treasures
collected through the year.
Go on wrap your gifts
your presents too
The boxes with their bows
As we sit around the fireplace
cradling our toes.
Eeeven if its cold out there
Christmas light's got warmth to spare
So grab your family or someone new
and spread that cheer,
maybe those candles too
Then all you need's
Hot cho-co-late
with peppermint
stirred by a candy cane.
If not,
how 'bout that mistle toe
and a glass of champagne
Sing it loud- this christmas carol-
this christmas song I wrote for you.
All I ask this christmas is that you love me like you do
Saviour of the World
In the stillness of the night I gaze upon Your face
I am amazed by the wonder I behold
For in Your eyes I see the Glory of the King
Your cloak of majesty to simple swaddling clothes
And I hear angels sing
They cried Holy, to the King of Glory
Holy to the Righteous One
Holy for You alone are worthy
Jesus, Saviour of the world
Your innocence and helplessness astound me
I’m overwhelmed at this precious gift I hold
For I know that I still hold You here in my arms
I know that one day You will hold the world in Yours
And I hear angels sing
Your innocence and helplessness astound me
I’m overwhelmed at this precious gift I hold
For I know that I still hold You here in my arms
I know that one day You will hold the world in Yours
And I hear angels
They cried Holy, to the King of Glory
Holy to the Righteous One
Holy for You alone are worthy
Jesus, Saviour of the world
I cried Holy, to the King of Glory
Holy to the Righteous One
Holy for You alone are worthy
Jesus, Saviour of the world
I cried Holy, to the King of Glory
Holy to the Righteous One
Holy for You alone are worthy
Jesus, Saviour of the world
By Hillsong - Savior Of The World
Ho Ho Ho
the sleigh’s right underneath me
i can't control it, theres snow too much
you are sitting beside me, with red lipgloss
your pompom is yellow and your hair tied up
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
we bump on snowmans, scattered all over the place
your laughter is like pouring rain, like sweet melody
if given a chance to give away my million dollars
i would always trade it to have this moment with you
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
this moment is pure joy, xmas is around the corner
i just want to tell you how much i adore you
you are pure honey, like a butterfly, rare, gorgeous
iam in your debt, i dont want profit, i only want you, oh!
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
you are soft like satin, your skin is like magic
you are oblivious to my charm, you only want my kisses
you are like a xmas angel, always kind and warmhearted
i want to treasure you, like you belong to me, forever and ever!
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
this year i want to hold off my pending work
work does not matter when i have found you
i have not found only a treasure, but i have found a miracle
you bring goodness and ability, the ability to forgive myself!
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
we roll onto the snow and i look deeply into your eyes
they are soft blue and remind me of a lake, oh, oh, oh,
so vast and with a depth, i can only fathom that you exist
i want to exist for the first time in my life, i was hiding so far!
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
let's roll some more, lets kiss some more, lets hug some more
i know that you care about me, you care about my feelings
i love you in abundant, and you are like a candle flame
burning so low but your warmth is touching my soul, oh, oh!
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
even santa will be proud that i have you, my happiness
i will raise my kids with you, together we will mingle
let's get up right now, i just want to take you on top
the mountian peak is our final destination, our hope
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you
i shall remember this very moment, i see the chapel
i wish i can see you in your wedding dress, white as this snow
and i wish to lift up your veil, look deep into your eyes
and take a vow that this xmas you are my own xmas present
Ho Ho Ho, you are my jingle bell, my spirit
Ho Ho Ho, you are my heart, my heartbeat
Ho Ho Ho, you bring smile to my face
Ho Ho Ho, iam so grateful to have you!!!