Do you want to see something cool?
"Do you want to see something cool?"
His opening line.
I was five years old. Of course I wanted to see something cool.
His idea of cool and mine were like night and day.
The chocolate was cool. I never got chocolate.
The pens and pencils and fat erasers leaking their pleasant bookstore scent were cool. My fingers itched to hold them, make marks on sheets of white paper only I knew the meaning of.
The idea of a secret was cool. To be trusted with clandestine information no one else knew.
Seeing what lay beneath his clothes was cool. I had wondered what boys had.
Touching the flesh and watching it move and change was cool.
The rest wasn't.
Cycles
The worse thing we do to each other is trap everyone in a bad cycle you cannot see, hear, or feel. Contracts make them work to survive with seemingly no way out. Killing someone only for them to come for revenge. Betrayal only to cause despair, anger, or hatred. Talking down to someone making them feel worthless. There are ways out, but to those who see and apply the light.
The Worst Thing that Humans Do to Each Other
When I sit down to think about all the worst things that people do to each other, when I look at the world around me, I find a simple answer. Disregard. People disregard. They're selfishness wraps around them, becoming their life, passion and ambition, and turning them blind to the real world around them, the world that matters. Many people don't stop and think about all the consequences that could happen. Would a theif be a theif if he knew what his practice would do to those from which he has taken from? Would a daughter yell at her mother if she knew what wound her words would inflict? Or if it was opposite, would the mother hurt the daughter? Many people don't stop to think of these things, therfore they are filled with ignorence. They disregard.
But what if they did think these things and look carefully over the consequences? Would they then be filled with compassion and decide against their harmful actions? Or would they disregard the consequences and continue in their practices and plotting?
So then, what would the world be like if the human race did not disregard?
That’s the Worst Thing I could Do
How do you hurt someone?
What is the most fragile part of their being?
Find that one spot,
Where when you poke it,
Everything crumbles.
Their confidence,
Their will,
Their energy,
All of it crumbling.
You build them up,
Make them believe that everything will get better.
Then,
With no warning,
You rip it away from them,
Push them,
So that they’re left falling into the darkness.
They grasp on to anything.
Anything that will take their mind off of it for a minute,
That’s enough for them.
Eventually,
They can’t handle the memories,
The hopelessness,
The fear,
So they drown themselves to find an escape.
Why?
If poverty never existed, there would be no such thing as redlining.
If 'supremacy' was never a thing, racism wouldn't even be a word in the dictionary, let alone an actual definition.
If justice were balanced in accordance with morals and equity, human life wouldn't be prioritized by skin color.
The worse thing that people do to others is creating systems, laws and indoctrinations that makes it legal to enslave, segregate and murder another human being.
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Betrayal
She made it seem they were happy
She made it seem they were a family
She made it seem they were loved
She made it seem they were number one
He did what he could to make them happy
He did what he can to make them a family
He did what he can to make them feel loved
He did what he can to make them number one
She no longer was happy
He did what he can to make them happy
She no longer thought of the family
He did what he can to keep them a family
She no longer showed them love
He did what he can to make them feel loved
She no longer made them number one
He did what he can to make them number one
She lost sight of their happiness
She lost sight of family
She lost sight of love
She lost sight of her number ones
She abandoned them
She abandoned hope
She abandoned love
She abandoned herself
They were abandoned
They were losing hope
They were losing love
They were losing themselves
He fought for them
He fought for hope
He fought for love
He fought for his family
She is her own happiness
She is her own family
She is her own love
She is number one
a letter to your autopsy report
detailing’s of your brain matter smattering our bed-room walls,
sheets I can no longer use; forced perspective—your remains,
nirvanas of the stars.
A lie. a lie that latches in vertebra of my spine:
brushing shoulders, contusions of breath –
stars collapse inward &
that was all you:
quantum entanglement of fist & stomach,
where bruise mapped universe converges our minds
time, reality to singularity.
I look through black-holed eyes,
trapped,
this apartment
temporal distortion flashes behind
my mind-eyed terror-ribbed fluttered pleas:
please stop,
please kiss me
please come, close the divide
promise it won’t happen again &
there are so many worse things to see,
I wanted to hold you close, despite them
or maybe, one day, to erase the gaps
lingering in my shadow’s wake
& I think you wanted that, too.
If there is no you anymore
I don’t get to hate you anymore.
If this divide, impenetrable
spans along the echo of promises unfulfilled
I will, from the ash, build my own bridge
& become someone more than the mess
you left behind so
thank you.
I think that’s the worst thing I could say.
Doing Anything That Makes Someone Seem As Less of a Person
The title really explains it all but I will go into detail on what I mean. There are a lot of possible examples that I can use honestly, as they can be easily interpreted as a way to portray someone as less than a human. One such thing would be looking at a person with a physical or mental disability. From what I have witnessed from one instance was when I was just writing something for a class in a cafe that I regularly go to, I noticed one day that their was a group of people with wheelchairs that were sitting by one of the tables by the entrance (it was one of the only tables that would allow all three of them to enjoy themselves and have enough room to move around). I glanced at them one time while they were there, since to me it didn't really seem out of the ordinary. Just three people sitting at a table, nothing strange about that. But what kept catching my attention was all of the people that were blantantly staring at them. It was bugging me that people were just staring for no particular reason at them besides that they were just in wheelchairs. From what I noticed, they didn't really look back but were just enjoying themselves. However I just think that they are just used to it from experiencing that from other locations and other times. While this doesn't seem that bad from the example that I have given, I just don't know how I would feel if I would have someone always constantly judging me on something that I am not able to prevent no matter where I go. After a while I feel like I would go completely nuts if I was in their shoes. At that point I feel like I would have been conditioned to be used to failure due to my disability. This isn't limited to just that though, but the idea also branches out to other forms that would also dehumanize someone. This also includes abuse, bullying, etc.
Love
It happens to us all, whether unrequited or not. It may be as simple as looking left instead of right, going to the coffee shop or the book store, but miraculously and accidentally there she is: standing in all her beauty and grace. For that instant in time she is all there is and nothing more, every single atom in your body draws you to her. It is in this moment that all reason and sense escapes us, courage and our primitive nature takes over and if we are lucky love is born.
It is true what they say, love is the drive to all beauty in our world, an escape from all evil in its purest form. But I have also seen what love does to people. In the guise of love I have seen men and women, lie, cheat, steal, and hurt. I have seen brothers betray brothers for the love of a woman. I have seen the fists and the blood flying. I have seen love fade even when a family has been built. I have seen the faithful husband indulge in his depravity but it is only human to do so. I have seen love kill. Lovers torn apart by the simplest words spoken to another. Love has driven us to madness, to insanity, to depths we may never understand. Yet still, despite it being the worst thing we do to each other, we pursue it. We have all endured the pain of a heartbreak, the aching in the very pit of our soul, the crushing despair we experience when we are on our knees at the mercy of love. From the very beginning of humanity love existed and it will continue to exist; love will forever be the worst thing we do to each other and the best.