There was always something about you that caught my eye. Maybe it was your intelligence. Or your humor. Your smile. You managed to make me laugh all the time. And I always felt comfortable around you. There were nights when I’d lay at night thinking about you. Sometimes you were the only thing running through my head. Was this what they called a crush? Liking someone? It felt nice at first to be honest.

I soon learned that there was someone who wanted to ask you out.

“Go for it.“ I told her. I don’t know why I said that. But in the end I knew she had more of a chance than me. She was pretty, one of the popular girls (She didn’t even talk to you that much though). I was... well, a bookworm whose head was filled with plenty of unrealistic fantasies. But I was someone who was would probably understand you better than her.

I knew that if I had to see the two of you together, my heart would only ache.

But I advised her, and in the end you said yes to her. Deep down I had always hoped that you’d say no. I’d see the two of you every day. Sometimes walking down the halls together. Always talking and laughing with each other. Even while you were with her I still talked to you.

I know it was wrong of me to be happy when I heard that the two of you decided to break up. But after that, you distanced yourself from her, and a bit from me too. We still talked.

Over the summer I’d sometimes send the occasional text, a “how are you?” Or sometimes even tease you like I did in school.

When school came around again, I ran into you again. Was it a pure coincidence that we see each other? Yes probably. But I, blinded by my crush, by this so called “love”, could only see this as perhaps fate.

we ran into each other again that day. I talked to you. Teased again. I know that you’ll probably never see me as more than perhaps a friend. I’ve moved on now, but every time I see you, which is basically every day, I think back to a time when I thought we could be something more than friend. I’ll never forget that. I’ll never forget you. But it’s likely that you’ll forget me.

Your voice still echoes in my ears

somewhere around my heart

in the pit of my stomach

in my knees

pulsing on my neck

where the breath

of a kiss not given lingers.

Your voice still echoes in my ears

whispering softly

words you will never say

as your hands caress me,

your arms embrace me,

as softly, gently as the dream

in which they occur.

Your voice still echoes in my ears

with promises of love

that wasn’t and will not be

feeding a hunger

for the taste of lips that lie

with every breath

in the hollow echo of your silence.

It feels like walking on sunshine for a minute. You’ve wanted this for so long. But it seems, it was a game to you, to want what you couldn’t have. Maybe, but it didn’t feel that way in the moment. The emotions were there. They were... weren’t they?

Then, you pull away, and run, far, far, just to leave another one in the dust. The sunshine fades, and your feelings for him are replaced with a cold feeling of longing to forget. You run faster, leaving it all behind you, the feelings of happiness and regret. And you just keep running.

I have too many feelings

and not enough room.

To keep them from showing

when I'm around you.

My chest feels like bursting,

my hearts on the moon.

My body keeps shaking

when I see you.

The tears just keep falling.

I'm worried we're through.

The things that you're saying,

it hurts talking to you.

I fear we're too close,

to just be friends.

Will it hurt more to stay,

or for this to end?

I have too many feelings

and not enough room.

To keep them from showing

when I'm around you.

You always remind me,

that we can't be.

Please let this be over,

so I can be free.

The spring before I graduated college, I had my heart broken. Shattered. He was my everything and I thought I meant something to him until his post mortem of "We didn't have a relationship, we only went out on a few dates." How could I ever trust myself again knowing that I meant nothing to somebody who was so important to me? I did not want to get back in the dating world and went out with others, halfheartedly with no expectations.

One day I was hanging out with friends and one of them said hello to somebody she knew. For the first time in a long time, I felt a spark when our eyes met. We did not say much to each other that day but there were covert glances and timid smiles to each other. The other friend I was with gave me a knowing grin, "I think somebody likes you!" That confirmed that his interest wasn't just my imagination.

Over the next few months, there were more chance meetings, bashful conversations, and tentative flirtation. My heart quickened every time I saw him and he invaded my thoughts the way nobody had in years. It gave me hope. I was capable of feeling again.

He was a shy as I was and had his own uncertainties to deal with. I helped orchestrate a meeting when our mutual friend turned 30 and I planned the party. I made sure that his name was on the guest list. The evening seemed to go as I hoped. He even said, "Why don't we go out sometime?" My heart quickened as I wrote down my number on a napkin.

Yet, it was a few more frustrating months of radio silence and a little push from a mutual friend and a conversation with his brother before he finally asked me out. I was gleeful. We were finally going to go out and it would be wonderful.

The date itsself was unremarkable. He requested I meet him at a Chinese restaurant in between our homes. The conversation was pretty basic, about our families, careers, etc. When the bill came he looked at me and said, "You pay the tip." The spell was broken. He liked me but not enough to pick me up at my house or treat me to a meal. He treated our date more like a business transaction. In that moment, the crush was over but I will always be grateful for it. My fledgling feelings gave me the strength to move on and show me that I was capable of putting myself out there again.

Always something I couldn’t have.

But in my mind, the sky’s the limit.

I fell in love with books and movies.

And in return, the characters in them.

Many others can relate.

If that’s good or bad, I do not know.

But here I am, still writing stories.

At 14 and in high school.

Sorry I’m not a normal kid.

I never grew out of this kind of thing.

Though my friends are starting to move on,

I’m not sure I ever will.

Those characters are all I want

They help me every step of my life

My strong imagination I’ve had since I was a child;

God, it’s such a blessing.

I love the sparkle in his eyes

When he tells us of the skies

His hair is neat, a touch of grey

While he describes the cloudy day

He talks so clear and bright

As he reports the day and night

I don't want to see him go

Monitor the tornado!

He is hot like summer's day

He's never cold a smile away

To the nines he dresses tight

Telling when to fly a kite

I have a crush on weatherman

I see him any chance I can

I wish he'd blow my weather horn

Oh I'd show him a thunderstorm!