every time you look at my lips, i want you to feel your heart fall to your feet

my burning touch should leave you with endless nightmares,

and you should crave the sight of me again

but you never will, because you never did from the beginning

you let me live thinking i was worth something,

and now you’ve left me with nothing to hold on to

i want you to wake up thinking of how much you wish you could taste me again,

when i’m near you, i want you to feel my eyes digging into your back.

and with every step you take, remember the pain you put me through

but you never will, because you deny the hurt

you let me live thinking i was worth something,

and now you’ve left me with nothing to hold on to

when you see me moving on without you,

i want you to remember how good you had it when i was by your side

know that even though you broke me,

i don’t need you to heal me anymore

#poetry #prose

You tore it apart

You say you're sorry

You say you meant it

but you wish it didn't hurt me.

I think it's true

everything you said

but it still hurts.

it still makes me cry and sob

it still makes me clutch my chest

it still knocks the air out of me

even if it is true.

truth hurts even if we all know it's true.

you still broke my heart

and I wish you wouldn't say you're sorry

when i know you're just going to do it again.

You say you're sorry

You say you mean it

I say I'm sorry

I wish it meant what I want it to mean

I'm sorry I broke your heart

I know you're sorry you broke mine.

the world is made for just him and i,

or that's what i thought as the days went by.

we smiled and laughed

and danced through the night;

i even remember looking into his eyes.

but anyway, that image was shattered

the next morning,

from a simple text message

that was shining on his screen.

it read,

'hey love, do you wanna meet today?

i have your favourite rose

and even a box of chocolates.

anyway, i miss you baby. so so much;

i wanna kiss you again, like we did

about a month ago.

i know you do too,

so why are you scared?

come over baby,

i'll give you the world.'

i confronted him about it later that day

right before he said he was going away,

to visit a friend,

but trust me i knew.

and he said 'i'm sorry. i don't really love you.'

that's when we broke,

in a chaotic mess,

the perfect love image

shattered like the rest.

We used to be happy.

The lets walk around and just see what happens happy.

The I decided to call you for fun happy.

The you make me smile unconsciously happy.

The I’m in love happy.

And then something happened. If you asked me, I couldn’t exactly tell you what it was. Maybe it was me, or him, or just us together, but we never quite felt the same.

We broke the meaning of together. We didn’t quite breakup and there was nothing official originally, but together no longer had a meaning.

We could be in the same room but not speak to each other. Act as if the other person was invisible.

We could be walking in the hall a step away from each other but neither was willing to speed up nor slow down. We acted like strangers when I knew he only took his coffee black and loved the fifth Harry Potter book. And he knew I liked sunrises more than sunsets and couldn’t stand groups of people who take up all the sidewalk.

It was like we were playing an elaborate game of chess where we didn’t want to lose quite yet, but no one was willing to openly pursue victory. No one was willing to show that type of commitment. He didn’t want to lose his queen, and I wasn’t going to give up my king.

I’m not sure what changed the game. But something invisible and indescribable happened. Something that shifted “us”. We were still in the same position that we had been in and we weren’t separated, we just weren’t “us” or “together”. It was more “you and “me” or “him” and “I”.

That’s why, I can’t say we are happy.

“We” isn’t meaningful anymore.

I can maybe say “him” and “I” are happy, but that’s almost worse.

That’s why I have to say that we were.

We used to be happy.

He loves you. It’s obvious

By the way he buys you roses for

Every birthday, Easter, Valentine’s.

With the way he fawns over you, calls

Every night without fail, visits every

Week at least – that is love’s peak!

Devotion is love’s calling card,

And he leaves it on your step

Each night before he goes.

Devotion and a rose–

But your love has

Always favored

Carnations.

The past

The future

Memories

Dreams

These break

My heart

The gift?

The present

Just be

Just me

All else

Breaks

I started my life as a joke, a joke yet to be told.

I'm told to be woke but I think that I'm not.

God knows I tried and God held the knife.

Trusting myself was the best mistake of my life.

The laughter won't break out:

Now I keep my mouth shut

I stuff it with cola and cheap take-out.

The silence is bright.

My life is a dance of an all-seeing eye.

All-seeing but chose to be blind.

It wanted to die

But when it opened it saw the light.

Did I learn my lesson?

Did I break my fall?

Oh, say can I see

Cause I don't know.

I used to want to promise to live two lives worth because you cannot

But I have come to realize that no matter what I do I can never make up for your life

And so all I can do is promise to never forget all the little things

And try to make sure no one else has to go through this pain

And I wish I thought I wouldnt have to go through this pain twice

But I know of too many who would sooner die than throw their life away

I am far past having any sort of faith in the world

And so I wait every day a little bit on edge to wonder if I will get that call, or message shattering everything I once thought I knew again