I'm skinny dipping into acid

Every time my lips touch yours.

Quivering as my skin strips off

Yet smiling at the thought of you.

Those soft blue eyes and that smile,

Fickle and reptilian yet so enticing,

So reassuring that it'll be different,

Though I know it won't be.

It never ever changes with you.

Yet, there's no Clyde with Bonnie,

No yo without yin and yang,

No us without work and sacrifice,

And I need to sacrifice like you.

Sacrifice those friends that judge us,

Those relatives with side eyes,

Those strangers that sneer and sigh,

All to make this work for you,

You and I and this new life we created.

you gave me a ring of amethyst and I won’t let it grow into clear quart

and some love is not meant for the open air; ours is not meant for sunlight

you color me deep purple with blushing bruises

your words resembling biting scarlet teeth

I’ll want you till the sun rises; you’ll be mean untill it sets

and I’ll be this creature but only if you want me too

staying beside you until the stars begin to fade and fall

only to burn me with your skin; a small casuality of the calamity that encompasses loving you

but don’t stop loving me even if I turn purple or blue and fade to yellow

love me till they beg me to not stay with you

There he was gracefully swaying with the rhythm of the wind. His clothes billowing draped over his pale pigmentation. A mystery. Silent, deadly, frighteningly familiar. His face a soft expression of accomplishment. Wonder. Wonder what he's thinking about?

He was moving now, one leg in front of the other. Slowly, teasingly moving towards our heroine from across a green escape. Long, thin stalks trembled under the constant pounding beneath rubber steps.

She waited for him. Counting the seconds that passed between their ligaments intertwining. A quick embrace and then the day would begin. She wouldn't have to think about him anymore. He was there. Bringing each thought to life, and yet a question still went unanswered. What was he thinking? Her mind would forever be with him, but where was his? Certainly not with her.

He never seemed to realize her warm gestures or that she even existed for that matter. The man only saw the woman as a possession. If there was disagreement, he grew angry. If there was talk of abandonment elsewhere, he would know and deal with it as he so fit. She was compelled to stay by his side, and unwittingly gave him the opportunity to destroy her life.

If only they had never met. Why? Why did she go for him? As mysterious she knew he portrayed himself to be, she fell.

The idea of not truly understanding his ways became appealing, attractive. Life-threatening. So, in order to appease him, she stayed. Not because she adored a challenge, but because she chose this path. The idea of it being her fault drilled constantly inside, became all too true. Too real to turn away from.

She would pull through, but the reality of being unable to change ones opinions was far from her grasp. Perhaps persuasion would work? No.

He was the master of manipulation. The only one who could break spirited women and crush the very life from feeling. Mental instability. Destiny, on the verge. Mixed thoughts and emotions. The dream of being human again, gone. Floated away on the wings of a sinister bird. Oh dark creature. It has come for her at last.

You promise it will be different this time.

No more lies; no other girls.

Just you and me.

I know it's just a lie, yet I let you back into my life.

You promise that you'll stay this time.

No more lies; no more hiding from feelings.

You love me and that's the truth.

I don't believe you, but I desperately want to.

You promise that you've changed.

No more lies; no more fights.

You want me and only me.

I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help but hope it's true.

I don’t make a habit of lying to my friends.

Which is why I was surprised at how easily this one rolled off my tongue. It’s funny, too, because I started with the truth. I hesitated, the knife in one hand and the mango in another.

“Yeah it was weird timing, because he texted me last night asking if I wanted to go out to a bar with him and some of his friends. The first time in two months, and yesterday of all days,” I said, beginning to saw into the fruit, my eyes intent on the catch of the knife in skin.

“That’s such weird timing. The exact day you went out on your first date. Did you go?” Sara asked.

“No,” I didn’t falter at all. My response surprised me. I hadn’t really thought about whether I would tell her or not, because I always did. My eyes flicked up into my bedroom, open to the studio apartment. My clothes from the night before still lay discarded on the floorboards.

“That’s good,” She said, nodding her head sympathetically, squashing what should have been my next words. No, but he did come here. I peeled back a bit of the mango skin. Much of the flesh had rotted, even though I’d just bought it a day or two before.

“Yeah,” I stretched out the e and made it hard, making the word sound very insincere indeed. But Sara did not seem to catch on. And then we just. Didn’t talk about it? An entirely novel phenomenon. Normally, we would spend much of an hour discussing my choices, and in the process of saying the words out loud to a friend I would become ever more indecisive, perhaps even full of regret, until I couldn’t remember my half-formed resolutions.

In that moment, I felt the true beauty of keeping things to oneself. Afterall, I already knew what I was doing. And I already knew what she would say. And I had grown so tired of talking about it that I couldn’t even imagine how it must be for my friends. Now, I had broken the cycle. No longer did I find myself trapped in the patterns and circles that had plagued my racing thoughts.

Here, a certain relief accompanied not speaking about this old concept. It made it okay that it had happened. I felt none of the anxiety and pain that I had felt before. A good thing, right? An okay decision? Indeed, the decision was mine alone in the end. And I was at peace with my actions, just worried about how my perceptions could shift with a word from my loved ones. It’s all in the mentality, and I don’t want to ruin my own, I told myself. That’s how I justified it.

Still, as we sat and ate the good parts of the mango, I couldn’t help but wonder.

How secure should I be in a choice I couldn’t share with a friend?

Believe it or not im alive cause of you

But you're killing me just the same

What was I thinking when I said "I do"

And let you take over my name.

Things started rough and got even worse

Im a fool for thinking you'd change

Now I am trapped and you've got the key

And im pretty sure you've thrown it away

I thought this was love and gave you my all

While you looked out for only yourself

But its crystal clear that you hate me being here

And you just want to find someone else

You've beat me down and you've given up

Leaving me with the overbearing weight

Since I've gotten sick its been such a trick

Trying to tip toe around all your hate

Im sorry im dying this was not the plan

And I know im a burden right now

But you've been this way since the day that we met

So I'm stuck with a wife with a. Frown

Maybe ill die then ill be the hero

Cant speak ill of the dead

Although knowing you that may not be true

Knowing all the hurtful things youve said

I don't want to need you I want you to leave

But then how would I make it through

So you put me down for me being sick

And I get to stay alive with you

All is fair when it comes to love but this love feels more like a war

Its hostile and violent and make me feel useless

When I can't do it alone anymore

Berrate me berrate me make sure that you sleep good at night

While im lose my life and im losing my mind

Im losing my own will to fight

So boy am I trapped with a wife full of hate

And 2 beautiful kids you ignore

I should have never given you all those chances

And died by myself on the floor.

Oh but ill win you see I havr this plan

You'll find me one day, my dear wife

And the sight of me hanging on our bedroom closet

Will haunt you for all of your life.