Happiest days ever
Ten fingers,
ten toes
two eyes
and a nose
healthy cry
tiny feet
little mouth
with which to eat
No happier in life
will I ever be
than this moment,
she thought lovingly.
Some years later
she finds she was wrong
listening as accolades
of her son are sung –
No happier in life
will I ever be
than this moment,
she thought lovingly.
Then, one day
she hears him interviewed
he praises his dad’s diligence
and his mom’s kindness, too –
heart bursting with pride
and joy at his words
filled with delight
for the views that she’s heard
No happier in life
will I ever be
than this moment,
she thought lovingly…
Perhaps this is it
the “happiest” days are behind
the beautiful memories
just shadows in her mind;
she’s hopeful the burdens and sorrows to come
won't obscure the joys of the past;
the key will be to remember with fondness not sadness,
to make the essence of the happiest days ever last.
Happiness
my chest inhabits colorful page
after page
of backpacking through weeks worth of
flowers
of sitting alone with my head in my sunburnt hands
squinting my eyes against suffocating rainfall,
thinking to myself
dammit, this sucks.
of laying in this sleeping bag
who's zipper broke off long ago
staring at the cosmo
remembering all the faces i left behind.
inside of my chest my heart yearns
for loneliness.
my ribs hold it back,
a petty fight between heart
and head.
my chest inhabits colorful page
after page
of months sucked dry of anger
or of sadness
but replaced with
plentiful grasses and trees and
wind so fucking cold
i wish i had gone to college
so i could afford that nice coat
but at least mine smells like myself
and inside of it,
i am home
swept away with a current of
expectation
carrying me far
from second guessing.
my happiness has always been freedom
my passions have always been
watered down with
paychecks and
fast food and
trips to the free clinic but
my ribcage will grow frail
and spill out my guts
unless the heart does not want what the heart wants
but everyone knows
it fucking does.
stupid
sitting shotgun, feet up
he nagged to get my feet off the dashboard
while she laughed at his song choices from the backseat
we drove everywhere that afternoon
my best friend and i running through
the school parking lot while yelling parts of our favorite songs
everything else tuned out but us
the three of us were
an unlikely combination
him, our friend’s older brother
us, the rambuctious freshman girls that we were.
that day was
honey light
a playground slide
and goodwill clothes
chinese food
boba runs
stealing shopping carts from vons
and a little something more
i can’t put my finger on
there was always so much laughter
at each other and with each other
us 3, together
we have so many memories like that
laying in the car while the sky exchanged colors
talking about anything and everything
paging through his psych textbook
just for fun
his exasperation
as he sometimes joined in our ridiculousness
with them,
those wildly stupid memories
hold a happiness
that i won’t forget for a lifetime
i can't really remember the last time
i know that there was a last time
just don't remember when
or what
it was -
so i think i'll make one up.
we were walking through Jamestown
when he grabbed my hand in his
thoroughly scared me, of course,
but it was nice while it lasted
his fingers were warm,
wrapped around my own
we continued on in conversation
like nothing had happened
but it makes me smile
when i think about it now
it may not be completely true,
but to me,
it's true enough
September 7th
The sun shining on my face as we walked in the breeze towards the swingset. This was before the drugs, the running away, the constant fighting with yourself. I'd like to think you were happiest with me on the swingset, watching the football teams run by as we kicked our feet, happily spraying sand all over. Sometimes taking your sister and her sister to the swings with us, back when they trusted you. We'd be joined by What's-His-Face, awkwardly flirting with us, though you didn't like him (but I secretly thought he was kind of cute). We'd talk about school stuff since you were finally getting to go to one for the first time in years, talk about your cat and your little brother, listen to P!nk and Avril Lavigne, and just hang out. We'd talk about our futures and boys and just be kids. You were the first family member that I got to be truly friends with, and at night in my dorm room, I think back and smile like the sun was still shining on my face eight years ago. Often, I wonder if you think of it too wherever you are and if you're thinking of me too.
I have never had a happy day
I have never had a happy day
I've never considered myself completely happy
Are you surprised? Do you think I'm ungrateful?
no, I'm not thankful! I tell the truth
there are reasons for this
as long as everyone in my family is not happy
I can't be happy
as long as my friends are not happy
I can't be happy
for as long as I can make others unhappy
I can't be happy
for as long as my enemy is not happy
I can't be happy
as long as everyone is not happy in this world
I can't be happy
for as long as all creatures and until the trees are not happy
I can't be happy
it's not a compliment
that's not even a lie!
The conclusion is:
I can never be happy!
The Entertainer
Call her the Mighty Empress
Call her queen of high and low
Her majesty, her Grace
Be her sword, her shield, her mace
Call her Mighty Actress
No one dare know who she is
The slyest snake, or ignorant iguana
The wisest witch or cutest chihuahua?
Call her Mighty Enchantress
Once her spell cast, all are helpless
Call her wood nymphs incarnated
She leaves us more than infatuated
Call her Mighty Sorceress
She knows all secrets here and there
She knows unfortune everywhere
Withered souls, here, come and gather
Down your tears and give her a stare!