Dessert Is The Most Important Meal of the Day!
My name is Trina...and I'm a Sweetaholic.
And I don't just mean that I "like" sweets; no, I devour them, day and night.
On any given day, I'll consume
(This isn't exact; some days I may have more cookies and less candy or any mix of the following, but the total amount is roughly the same)
- 1 bag of candy (jelly beans, gummy worms, nonpareils, et al)
- 5-6 cookies
- 2 bowls of ice cream
- assorted other treats that may be in the house, to include candy bars, pudding cups, marshmallows, sweet children's cereal, pieces of cake/pie, etc.
Yes. Seriously. No, I am not exaggerating.
And I don't just EAT the sweets, either. Oh, no; that would be too easy. There's a method to my madness - WhatEVER candy I'm eating, I do it in a particuar order, eating from my least favorite to my most favorite... So, for instance, I eat jelly beans as follows: red, pink, yellow, green, purple, white, orange, black, ALWAYS in that order. In fact, I adore the black ones, so I'll often get bags of just black ones,stockpiling them after Easter, for instance, when they're in abundance...Funnily enough, though, I can't stand Twizzlers, red OR black. Go figure. *shrug*
Speaking of Easter, I also have my fave candies that appear around many holidays:
- Valentine's Day is BRACH's Conversation Hearts (the Necco Sweethearts are too hard) and those marshmallow treats, with chocolate outsides
- St. Patrick's Day brings Shamrock Shakes from McD's (oh my god, YES!)
- Easter has black jelly beans and those 'Hide 'N Seek' Eggs (the ones with the hard-ish marshmallow center and hard candy outside) and Peeps
- Halloween is black jelly beans and more Peeps
- Thanksgiving is EVERYTHING
- Christmas is EVERYTHING. x2
HOW I haven't either gained a ton of weight or gotten diabetes is beyond me, but neither has been the case. In fact, at my last Doctor's app't, my blood sugar levels were a "bit low"; I don't know much about such things, but I can't help but wonder if that's why I crave sweets so much. Like, is that how it works?
In any case, I've got a box of Lucky Charms that are calling out to me, so I'll go for now.
Happy Sweet'ing!
I’m a fucking asshole.
I can't even tell you how many times I have said that to myself upon realizing some shitty way I've been acting for, I dunno, forever. How is it that humans can go day after fucking day just being so goddamn oblivious to everything around them? Fuck me, man, I'm such an asshole. The chemical-slippery hot water is pouring down over my face and making it impossible to distinguish my tears. It feels weird to sob and not feel my tears fall, but I don't want anybody to hear me having a fucking mental breakdown for no reason, so I'm hiding in the shower. It's already hard enough to deal with my shit without the guilt I fucking spread around like HPV. Mental illness makes it so hard for me to not see myself as an illness. Daily, I have to make the choice whether to be the cunt or the cockroach. Do I convince myself I deserve all the earthy trappings that the shitlords of the United Fucking States of Goddamn America garner through sheer dumb fucking luck (and bloodshed and oppression) so that I can scratch out some semblance of happiness in this shitshow Disneyland? Do I cower and tell myself that I don't deserve any of these things because I did not earn them with my own two hands and I cannot provide for others with my own two hands? Am I a piece of shit for trying so goddamn hard every day to function and missing the mark almost every day? I carry my guilt like a cross, but it doesn't make me Christ-like, does it? Goddammit, I have no fucking idea.
Why so serious?
They question my straight face and crossed arms.
They comment on my maturity.
They tell me I don't act like a teenager.
They say I don't need to act like an adult.
"Why so serious?" They ask.
"Lighten up" they tell me.
No one waits for an answer.
I don't think they expect one.
I don't think they expect the blank stare I give them either.
The silent judging I perform as they question me.
When they don't try to understand how I think or what I feel.
"Why so serious?"
I don't know how not to be.
"Why so serious?"
Because I can be.
"Why so serious?"
Because I don't like you.
"Why so serious?"
Because you don't bother to see me when I'm not.
"Why so serious?"
Why not?
guys i’m serious rn
You claim that I am not serious.
Ooh but you lie.
I can be serious.
I am serious.
In fact, I am too serious.
Oh yes, I am.
I am seriously late
(like ALL the time)
seriously mad,
and I seriously rhyme. ;)
I am seriously fetch,
and I'm actually like totally seriously wondering if Gretchen ever made that happen...
I am seriously spacey
seriously crude,
seriously broke,
and seriously nude.
...Okay that last one was a lie,
but I am seriously over
you telling me
who I should be
and what I must do.
#micdrop
Getting clean
He isn't serious. He hasn't been for a long time.
He used to be an addict, you know, but he's since sworn off sincerity and sadness. He's doing really well, too, and we're all so proud of him.
I know it's difficult sometimes. When he's in pain and he wants nothing more than to be serious. Just for a little bit. Part of him, the part that's still an addict and always will be, tells him that it's okay to have a little bit of seriousness, a few minutes of sincerity, one quick honest conversation about how much it hurts.
But he knows better. He knows not to listen to that part of him. He knows that no matter how tempting seriousness is, he can't let himself do it. He can't fall back into those habits, that dependency. He can't ruin his life like that again.
So he stays strong. He stays clean. He avoids seriousness and sincerity and honesty. He looks happy, he laughs, and nobody worries. He seems fine. Rather shallow, yes, and a bit of a jerk, but he's okay with that. He's okay as long as he's not serious.
Why so serious?
why?
why so serious?
because somebody has to be and it sure as hell ain’t you
someone has to be an adult, clean the underwear and buy broccoli
make sure we have lights on and we don’t run out of gas on the fucking highway
I can’t believe you asked me that
you be serious for once
because I don’t want to anymore