Goodbye, Home.
The Earth is okay. We hadn't killed it, and, luckily, we hadn't killed each other. We didn’t have to leave. Armageddon wasn't approaching. We ultimately chose to leave. Fear does fuel a person to move, at first, but fear becomes heavy. Fear leaves you unable to move and that is fatal. Wonder, however, moves you to explore, and wonder willed us to wander the cosmos. Yet, as the Earth shrinks into a pale blue dot, tears manifest with the memories of my life. I remember family, friends, strangers; I remember crawling, walking, running; and I remember laughing, crying, yelling, and loving. Now, as the Earth becomes another speck of white on a vast black, I see that I experienced my life with an unknowable number of people on a planet called home.
This piece was for the "Why did we leave earth?" but I can't afford the fee, but I encourage everyone who can to participate in it. Check it out in the challenge section :)!
This was heavily inspired by Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot speech, so here's a link to give it some love. https://youtu.be/GO5FwsblpT8
Depression
My depression, I never liked anyone to see how much pain I'm really in. I hide it from everyone my friends, my loved ones, even y spouse. I know it's not right I just dont want them to deal with the burden I call life. Everyday I struggle to get out of bed or to enjoy everyday things like watching the sunset. For almost all my life I was the punching bag and I took everything that was thrown at me. I've hidden all my scars purposley because I do not want pitty from anybody. Yet I cry daily because I want help I'm just to stubborn to ask or I keep getting burned from those who have.
Togetherness
It was getting late. The sunset had given the sky a pinkish-orange tinge that faded into the last of the blue. I tilted my head in attempt to see a different perspective.
“What do you think of all this?” I asked. Mark sat beside me, at home in his quiet nature. He inhaled deeply and said “I think it’s beautiful. Which is cliche. But that’s what I think”. I nodded and said “I think it’s beautiful, too. Somehow that doesn’t feel completely accurate. But hey, we aren’t poets”, I reasoned. “We’re just lowly research analysts. I think that’s about what one could expect of us” he said with a smile. I smiled back at him and leaned on his shoulder.
I would be thirty tomorrow. I thought about how many sunsets I had seen in my lifetime. I didn’t remember any. “When was the last time you saw a sunset, Mark?”. “I have no idea”. “Me either. I know this sounds corny but like...why don’t we have memories like that? What are we doing? Letting life pass us by and not even paying attention to the things we get to enjoy for free? What does that mean?” I said earnestly. “I have no idea” he repeated. “You sound like you’re heading toward a mid-life crisis” he said stroking my hair. “Well I want to watch more sunsets from now on” I said demandingly.
“Fine. Let’s try to watch at least one sunset a week” he said casually. I sat up, looked at him and stuck out my hand so that we could shake on it. We shook and then he kissed my hand. “I can’t believe I’ll be thirty in a few hours” I said. “I feel like life is passing me by”. “That’s the second time you’ve said that”. “Probably because I really mean it”. “What would you rather be doing?”. “I don’t even know. That’s the thing. I just feel like I need to be doing more. Not even doing more per say. Maybe just observing and appreciating more. I don’t know, I just feel like I’m going through the motions. Like I’m not being present enough” I said.
“You’re present with GiGi” Mark said. Gigi was my daughter. Not his daughter, but mine. “Am I?” I asked. “Are you?” he challenged me. I watched the sun dip below the water thoughtfully. “I could be more present with her” I said finally. “What do you think would help you do that?”. “I don’t know” I admitted. “Maybe if you had someone to raise her with” he suggested.
I looked at him, taken aback. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I said defensively. He ignored my hostility and continued, “What if there was someone there who wanted to be a permanent fixture in your life? Maybe their presence would help you be more present”. I was speechless. “Well...Maybe...” I sputtered.
The night sky was now surrounding us. There wasn’t a cloud in sight.
Mark took a box out of his pocket and opened it. There was a ring inside. “I think I know what’s missing” he said softly. My heart began to pound so hard I was sure anyone within a ten mile radius could hear it. “You want to marry me?” I asked in confusion. “Yes.” He said it so matter-of-factly. With no qualifiers or embellishments. So clearly. “Even with Gigi?” I asked. It was his turn to be taken aback. “I want to marry you because of her. Not in spite of her. She’s an extension of you and I love you” he said simply.
He took the ring out of the box and slipped it on to my hand. “Well? What do you think?” he asked. I paused.
Finally I said, “I think we have a lot of sunsets ahead of us”.
#love #marriage #life #aging #change
Facebook Entry
OK Everyone!, to all my buddies out there: I just need to unload (like I did in the toilet a few minutes ago, hemorrhoids improving). My boss is an absolute idiot. Some of you know him from my texts, Arthor Augustine. I am very worried about the lab results I'll be getting soon. Someone comfort me! I wonder about being on a list or having to contact some 'peeps'. Well, I got pretty fuckin' drunk last night. Now I'll have to explain my facial bruise. Long story, I can't really remember. Oh! Here is a pic of breakfast! Don't be jealous. Going out of town this weekend. It's a convention to learn how to flip houses. I'm just leaving some food out for the cats. OK, I've got to go back to being the Judge in this town. People are so stupid.
Forgive me; I don't do social media so I cannot fulfill the second part of the challenge! I'm laughing my ass off!