Missing Wave
Brian sat near the surf, waves caressing his feet, finally tasting the tears of his ruined day. His torn jeans revealed a mangled knee that stung his soul more than pained his body. There was no room in his life for damaged jeans. His mother worked three jobs to still not make ends meet. She would hurt to see him beat up again. But, it would be the look in her tired eyes when she saw the ruin, irreplaceable jeans. Knowing that look would greet him tonight crushed him. He sobbed.
“Why do you cry, little boy?”
Brian whipped his head to the direction of the query, startled. A pale, lithe girl stood there with a wistful smile on her lips and seaweed tangled in her long, dark hair. She was easily a foot shorter than him.
Who was she calling little? he thought a bit angrily. “It has been a long day, little girl,” Brian replied through a choked sob that was laced with wary annoyance.
The girl giggled mirthfully. He watched her toes claw into the wet sand and felt she found the act both alien and wonderful. “Little boy makes jests. Markie always enjoys the clever boys. This day is no longer than the last day, little boy. So again, why do you cry?” She mocked, yet she seemed to care deeply.
Looking into her inviting seafoam eyes, filled with more secrets of the world than his seventeen years knew, Brian responded more kindly, “My heart hurts, more than my broken knee. I dread going home, and...I tire of the...daily torments.”
The girl, Markie, tilted her head and took him in deeply with her gentle eyes. Brian felt unnerved by it. She flowed to him and kissed his tear-covered cheek.
“You taste like the sea, little boy. Perhaps you are her missing wave? You should not waste your sacred tears though, for they hold such memories...”
Her speech was so strange, Brian thought as he watched her break off some of her seaweed and wrapped it around his wounded knee. It stung almost to a curse, yet in a few moments, the sting and deeper pains were gone. She removed the weeds to reveal a knee, healed. Pale, wavy scars the only sign any harm occurred.
“There,” Markie said, quite satisfied with herself, tracing fingertips over Brian’s new scars, “Much better, yes? Now the other desires require a kiss to fix. Can I take a kiss, little boy?”
Brian, a mess of emotions, looked into her inviting eyes and gave her a silent nod. Markie gently held his head and kissed him. She tasted like the sea. He saw a vastness of mysteries within her eyes, a depth that didn’t match her petite frame...
She broke the kiss in sudden, almost innocent glee. “There! Those fixed as well. Fare Well! Little boy! Fare Well! Missing Wave!” She broke away across the beach and dove into the sea, and never surfaced. He felt better in almost all ways, save one. A piece of his heart was missing. Markie was the thief.
~~~
“Markie!”
Nothing again. A month passed since Brian last saw her. He visited the beach everyday since. He sat near the surf watching the sun starting to set.
“Why do you call my name, little boy? Why on this Moon’s night, Missing Wave?”
Excited, he turned to see her there, pale skin glowed contrasting the sunset. Her tangled hair and seaweed was pulled back tonight. Her small breast were held by two, large starfish, almost mocking a bikini top. A belt of pearls and gold adorned her tiny waist. She wore nothing else. She was lovely and more mature than her frame mimicked. His soul knew that clearly now.
“How did you do it, Markie? How did you...make them leave me alone? How…”
Markie put two fingers to his lips, the touch tender, yet stirring. “I did not do wrongly, did I, little boy? I fixed the hurts in your heart, did I not, Missing Wave?”
“Yes, but…”
“Then why does it matter how, little boy?” She smiled wicked, yet childlike. It drew him closer. She watched him with curiosity, “Do you have another desire, little boy? Can I take another kiss, Missing Wave?” She looked deep in his eyes until she found his heart’s desire. She then pulled herself away in a flourish and laughed. It tore at Brian’s pounding heart.
“Oh, little boy. I cannot give you that, for you are not my missing wave. But, I can give you something that you may like just as much.”
Brian under her spell, still yearned to kiss her at least once more. He yearned to taste the sea off her soft lips again. He gave a nod.
She flowed to him in a wave, and drowned him with her kiss. It was bliss. It was asphyxiating. She broke it just as suddenly.
“There little boy. Not quite your desire, but something similar. Can you be patient, Missing Wave?”
Brian nodded. Markie kissed him once more. It was tender and sweet. It tasted of wistful longing and forgotten goodbyes.
“Oh, little boy. Do not call my name again until your face is bearded as a man’s. Oh, Missing Wave, do not seek me out again, until your voice forgets the little boy you are.”
Markie turned and skipped away across the beach and dove into the sea, disappearing underneath. His heart beat like a fiery drum while his skin fevered in a way that would now allure.
~~~
Brian sat at the beach running his fingers through his beard, trying to remember the last time he stood here.
Nine years ago?
His other hand fiddled with the engagement ring he has been unable to give to his current lover. He finally realized why yesterday. A memory of a girl that had given and taken so much. Markie.
Brian found the courage to call her name, compelled to see her one last time. To say thanks, goodbye and perhaps kiss her as a man. “Markie…”
Nothing. He sat there letting the waves lap at his bare feet, remembering her, until the rising full moon shimmered its reflection in the waving sea.
“Why do you tremble so, Missing Wave! The evening is so warm, soooo inviting.”
Brian stood, turned to see her. A woman faced him. Her skin glowed a paler green than he remembered. Her midnight hair pooled down to her waist. Her breasts, swollen, heavy globes of the softest flesh. Her legs went on forever, revealing and concealing her sex at the same time. Her smile framed with plump lips. Her eyes glowed lilac. He realized then, they were not Markie’s gentle and seafoam eyes. They invited, but consumed as an ocean consumes. With no care of obstacles in its way.
“Where is Markie?” was all he could ask, feeling foolish doing so.
“Why does it matter, Missing Wave? She found you for me, that is the only matter.”
“But...I wanted…”
The woman strolled closer, looking deeper into his eyes, drowning him with vast mysteries and fluid desire.
“I see Markie’s last gift was made too strongly, Missing Wave.” The woman said as she plucked the ring from his hand. Before Brian could protest, she kissed him fully.
He drowned, tasting a part of the ocean he could never have imagined, but slowly remembered. The fever that continued to burn his flesh, cooled, then boiled. He could feel this woman completely, could feel how much they both wanted; could feel how her wave perfectly countered his; just as his feelings for his would-be fiancee slowly faded away.
With crushed will, Brian breathlessly broke off the kiss, “You never asked to take it. I never gave it freely.”
The woman laughed, causing him to want to devour her more. “Oh, my sweet, Missing Wave. I never need to ask for what is part of me, just like you never need to ask for what is part of you. You are my Missing Wave. Markie told you as much, yes? You wanted her too, but you were not HER missing wave.” She tossed the ring in the sand.
Brian’s memories of his life kept seeping away, just as he slowly started to remember this woman that he never met before.
“I don’t know your name...I don’t...remember it…”
She kissed him again, until he finally forgot his own name. She wrapped her legs around him and he carried her into the ocean. Beneath the drowning waves she lead him to the place her first kiss promised.
~~~
Markie watched them melt away into the sea as she picked up the ring left in the sand, looping it into her belt of pearls and gold. She yearned to find her missing wave. She noticed a human walking the beach, oblivious to her presence, too preoccupied in his pain.
“Why do you cry, little boy?” she asked suddenly, with a wistful smile.
Untitled.
I can't pretend
that I don't care
to understand.
I need the truth
even if it makes
my heart sink
in my ocean
of despair.
I haven't learned
how to tread my emotions.
Life
is a popularity contest
and I'm not everyone's
weak ass cup of tea.
I'm not special;
I know there are others
like me.
Show yourselves
The ones who
may not interview well.
Most of the people
you meet
never make it past
being called
an acquaintance.
You aren't
particularly charming
and you're not a
a ray of cancer causing
sunshine
People like us
who work hard
and don't have a
clown smile
painted on our faces
end up filing bullshit
or answering phones.
We are smart.
We are loving.
We
are
capable.
We don't need
to have people need us.
We are strong.
Maybe,
too fuckin strong.
Rejection is too
prevalent in ours lives.
I was just told
I give out
benefit of the doubt
like I am Oprah.
You get the benefit of the doubt!
You get the benefit of the doubt!
Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt!
Check under your chairs....
unlimited benefit of the doubt!
I set myself up.
I expect too much
out of the world.
I know
It doesn't owe me shit.
But damn,
let me get something
out of this.
"Throw dirt on me and get a wildflower"--Lil Wayne
lucifer
he says he'll make me his martyr
if i beg him,
that he'll let me feel religion
if i let him turn the hem of my shirt inside-out,
kiss the cotton out of my mouth,
and spit fire.
he makes fists out of my fingers
until i am back alleys and barbed wire
ready to storm heaven
when his trumpet calls.
he says we were made to make god tremble,
to make kingdoms fall.
so i let his lips linger on my skin.
he tells me to give up
so i give in.
he says my kisses are penance
so i repent on silk sheets,
worshipping a faith
that's got me down on both knees.
no sleep
and the churning in my stomach
tells me i should be asking for forgiveness,
but i've only been praying for keeps.
he drinks
the blood in my palms
instead of washing them clean,
talks vices into psalms
and scriptures into blasphemy.
i feel sin in my ribs
and him on my lips,
trying to pull purgatory
out of my hips
until i am all fire and brimstone.
i don't know if i want to believe.
he says if i give more, i'll receive,
that even if my faith shakes and my back breaks
he won't leave me alone.
i hit dead ends
and thin walls
to drown out his voice.
i pour my veins into
vessels just to hear
white noise.
he says
he'll make us legends to believe in,
that we'll do too much evil to die in vain.
he abandons me once i am his.
he never tells me his name.