"you were stoic. And I, well, I was not.

You see, music embodies emotion, and I know that I'm already an emotional person but I can't really help it. I guess I'm just made to always fog up every little detail with my worrying, but maybe emotions just work that way.

And that's why, I think, why I thought you would be clear, you would be simple. After all, you are music. Music is clear. Music is simple. Music makes sense, and I don't know why but I thought you would make sense too. 

I mean, music embodies emotion, and you are stoic. And I am not. So looking back at it, I can't believe I ever thought that you would make sense, that you would be clear, because you are just about the most frustrating person I have ever met in my lifetime. And that's quite an achievement.

But you, you are music. And music is supposed to make sense, but you taught me to push the envelope, go beyond my comfort zone. Friends first, but you were also my teacher, and I know teachers. Teachers teach concepts, facts, but you taught me ideas. You taught me, and I learned to love music more than I thought possible.

Yeah, you were really frustrating. But you found me when I was lost and alone, and you showed me that I wasn't. You were stoic, and I wasn't, but really, we were more alike than not. You're like the big brother I wish I had, and you've told me that I'm like a little sister, but honestly we're more like the same person. You're like me, only from the future, or something like that. Maybe that's why you were frustrating. 

But you are music. And I am too."

I see your name

written in the flashing lights

like a one-sided conversation

painted in the morse code of my mind

I’m a little buzzed

they serve me drinks in plastic cups

You used to smell like cigarettes

I couldn't stand it

I dream of glass

She fidgets

Pulling at hair

Already perfectly out of place

Across a room

Of tabletop mugs

Behind a bar pressing beans to dust

A portrait of Hepburn

On her skin in ink

Tells me she's 20 something

I can read in her eyes

She spells with each quick glance

A letter at a time

I am your heartbreak

Your one-time romance

It trespasses into your room as you sleep. You hear a noise and it wakes you. Dark shadows on the wall as the clock keeps on moving forward. 

It grips you and strangles you as you fight to breathe...thrusts its fist of emotions through your throat, tugging at your heart, poking into your lungs, leaving scars and permanent destruction. 

You dream and the shadow comes towards you - weapons in each hand and absent eyes. 

You shake, you shiver, you sweat and then you get cold again. 

You dream and the shadow screams into your ear that you will fail. 

You walk and the cracks in the sidewalk make you dizzy and cause you to feel you will fall. 

You live and your heart is broken - your filled with scar tissue from the whispers, screams and tears telling you to stop, to stop - the light is yellow, can you see it blinking?

It tries to protect you - but all it does is limit you. 

It tries to confine you but you must shake the chains of fear and watch them fall to the ground. 

Fear - an emotion born to protect but with a snowball effect cant destroy any hope or joy that fights through the realities that surround us. 

Can you imagine the terrifying vision of the executioner, toothless smiling and absent eyes, walking towards you, armed in both hands with weapons of destruction?

The executioner with a love that smothers you, wanting to protect you, to encircle you to keep you from harm, 

Break down the barriers that keep you safe from living and from harm. 

Fear, your lifeguard to keep you safe from harm - sometimes its the harm that is needed in order to be safe in life. 

we are rushed messy kisses

bodies pressed against exposed brick

we are hurried morning kisses

lips tasting of coffee and the clocks' tick

we are slow, lazy kisses

buried warm under sheets colored chrome

we are warm, familiar kisses

                                  kisses that remind us of home

❝ and the scariest part,

is that she'd do anything for you.

even if it meant wrapping pale hands

around her own,

pretty

neck ❞

painted bright as a poppy drops

on water in winter armour

endeared with pins through daring 

words emotives that would fly

scramble . alert. 

stand down

flutter arrested 

attested to truth

at rest the 

compression lump

chunks of red muscle lie against 

deceit born by eyes . there is

no offer.

petals drop as remembrance

of a bi-partisan battle. disorder 

beaten by bravehearts 

that did not fall but threw themselves 

on into mud made winter sharp 

slowly giving to drops of blood

The safety of locked doors

and dogs asleep at my feet

The oyster tried to open

my front door with laughter

holding with it lilac wine

on vinyl and chocolate kisses

every dream palpable

vampire white smile

enticing my core

bold blood

begging me

to open out

to fly into

his abyss

with my

sapphire winds

No

I have work to do

I shut the blinds

to new adventure

I have to wait

After all

I have responsibility

I lock the door

My skin tight

my blood turns soft

My wings thin

weathered feathers fall

the dogs stop barking

The past wind

not settled

enough to embrace

a new hurricane

heart clamp

too tight

to pump

or run wild

and reckless

with a

new beast

I clinch my fist

A somber realization

I have become

the coward

that I had very

much despised

in him

Tonight

I rest

behind a

blue light

of denial

Find a way

to push

the old seed

from my soil

A taste of being afraid

Remains sour on my tongue