On the days I miss you I go to my closet and bury my face in the clothes that still smell of you - like rain and lavendar and spearmint gum. I close my eyes and breathe in your scent, imagining you. I see you with your red floppy hat and big sunglasses, your freckled face tilted up as you beam at the sky. I see you absentmindedly picking the buds off the flowers in your hand. I see your arm looped around a boy, I see you in an indigo coat, I see your lime green flip-flops and your dirty toes. I see you crying often now: the broken bits of you a little clearer, a little sharper than before. I dig my heels into the beige carpet, weave my fingers through the line of clothes (rain and lavendar and spearmint gum), as if I will push through to the other side and see you there. I miss vanillalotionfloppyhat yellowpencilssmudgedeyeshadow. I miss it especially because fingersrunningthroughyour hairyourlipsgrazingmine never happened. Sometimes I get confused what was real and I have to come back to the clothes (rain and lavendar and spearmint gum) and remember again about the floppy hat, the coat, the flip flops, the flowers, the dirty toes, and your arm around the boy. I smell rain and lavendar and spearmint gum and I let the knife pierce my chest and make me bleed, leaving only the bits of me I didn't give to you.

Toes. Heels. Toes.

Slap jack slap.

Hit ping hit

The director goes just like that.

Step ball chain

Wham bam thanks

Chit chat bang

The dancer goes just like that.

Crunch cross crank

Little ships sank

Cross fires melt in lava.

Bees sting in honey jam.

The keeper goes just like that.

Poof rant slide

Hit home and wind

One session at a time

The player goes just like that

Cut blood and bandaids

Smile it’s Saturday

You look great now go your way

The stylist goes just like that.

Speak play loudly

Music all around me

Speakers bust on out

The Dj goes just like that

Key to the door

You want more?

Perfect landscape

2 story Jones perfection

The agent goes just like that

Sirens blue lights and handcuffs clink

Sober one but over 15

Wreck-less driver. Ticket writer

The officer goes just like that

Bloody hands. Torn wraps and boxing gloves

Muscles tight. One more night to fight for the golden one.

The fighter goes just like that.

Oil in the eyes. Burnt finger. Stove is hot.

Everyone’s happy with what they got.

Burgers cooking. Fries in the pan. Never enough money though.

The cook goes just like that.

Ruler bent. Chalk outlines. Red ink and paper in between the lines.

Smart mouths and wiggly kids. Desks for miles. Clock stand still. Disorder.

The teacher goes just like that.

Mop. Sweep. Fold.

Wash dry And spin cycle .

Mr clean. Come get me at 4.

Hair a mess. Never in curls.

The mom goes just like that.

Fingers ache. Eyes burn. Loneliness takes over. Will this ever be done?

Writers block. Bird sits on the window. You get back to it. The story must go on.

The writer goes just like that.

And they all went just like that.

When the years just run consecutively and time flies.

The love just grow strong effortlessly. The look he gives her is the same look he gave her 66yrs ago when he promised to cherish her.

It’s the same look he gave her as he closed his eyes for the last time and the smile he kept on his face as the paul barriers closed his casket.

Now she spends her days with a slight smile on her face thinking of the times they shared and looking at the walls covered of their memories.

She whispers to her self I’ll see you soon my love!

Dedicated to Mrs. King

Growing up my father preferred his daughters to stay with in their race.

But after meeting him he made me eager to know what type of lover he was. As we talked his eyes focused on my lips.

He touched my face and asked permission. I said I’ve never kissed a white guy before. He said I image there’s no difference. My knees locked and I allowed him to kiss me.

He picked me up off my feet. I’ve never been picked up with such care and tenderness. Butterflies is a feeling you get when you are excited and nervous.

As he starts to undress me, he stops and asks again could he undress me knowing I was nervous and scared he slowly slid in.

The look he gave me as he entered me was priceless. He started going deeper and I realized I wanted him to be rough. I bit my bottom lip and he turned me around and gave it to me hard. I never dream this would ever be and yet I was hooked!

Why?’

Why someone like me who has nothing to give this world breathe?

Why am I allowed to walk this earth with nothing to bring to the table.

No fruits nor labor.

I do not benefit anyone.

This is what a common person thinks or someone who is on the edge of breaking!

I breathe and speak life into this world.

I’m here to create life and to be a hope when the world feels hopeless!

That’s why I’m here to be human!

Your arms tell your story.

Covered with black ink for the world to see. This story has been told over and over again.

Has your fears ever been told to the one you love? Dose she know of your pain and why you like the pain from the tattoo?

Tell her why the sound of the needle puts you to sleep.

All your doing is taking the scars in beaded from your heart and making it art work for the world to see.

Those scars run so deep they can never be repaired. The scare tissue is just black from the internal bruising that can never be healed.

Losing sleep over your presents being absent from my bed.

The loud snoring that acted as my white noise in the night.

Your breathe on my neck, the kiss you leave as you exit for work.

I wish I could put a help wanted sign on my door to replace you. Sadly there is no one like you and I’m left wanting you.

Empty, isolated

a shell of what

I once was

lying on the sidewalk

in filthy rags

yearning for sustenance

someone who cares

belly growling in pain

sorrow and angst

fill the hollows.

Why am I here?

How have I sunk to

this bottomless pit?

Drinking beer

anesthetizes my reality

obliterates my misery

as I lie in my waste

a forgotten soul.

Will no one help me

give me a hand

offer me a job

grant me a sandwich

teach me some skills?

It begins to dawn

when I am coherent

that I must help

to save myself.

There’s no one else

I am alone.

Why I’m here? why not there..

Where is this going? can’t we buy a map somewhere..

What should I do? is everything allowed..

Who will give us answers? do you believe in god..

The answers we can’t answer open up to others

And those to many more.

like Gangrene they spread, an infection of the All

It is unending, unsolved, unfathomable.

It leaves a bad taste in the mouth,

Those WH’s and Yes/No’s

That will not get a reply.

So don’t WH me, I’m sorry, brother,

Wish I could help,

But this is a pillar that just begs

To be knocked out.

And even if I could answer, think well:

Would anything I say,

Could leave you sweet and satisfied?

That is the thing , buddy, and I mean you naught but love,

You really want me to tell you something magical,

That will part the clouds,

That will fill your stomach,

That will be the key to open every door.

You want me to make some magic

And cause you with my answer,

To feel pain no more.

Only thing I could say is:

The Dao is there.

And if this is not enough for you,

Not enough of an answer,

Then try “42” or “nevermore”

They are just as pathetic, I fear.

So Why me no Why’s

And Woah.

Before we both feel sorry.

I’ve been lonely

Looking for the love , that always ducked me

Why am I here ? What are my reasons

Mama said god took his time when he made me

But since birth they betrayed me

I should be rich by now but it ain’t my time

So what’s my reason?

The world we living in could only be here for a season

So what’s my reason ?

Can you look in my eyes and seen the pain I been feeling

Can’t lose faith tho , the weak can never win

I walk my paths chin high

As I read the minds of other friends

So maybe my reason is to read and guide

Psychology the answer so I’ll try not to hurt your pride

I’m here to heal , so believe the hype

Dr. Healtheworld everything will be alright!