Your heart isn't scarred

Because it never healed

Day and night it bleeds

But you refuse to feel

You fear sudden death

From zooming bullets

But you never stop the pain

When it kills you everyday

You liked how I laughed like the world was going to end tomorrow, without a care in what anyone would say.

You desired to talk to me every second of the day, for I made you feel like you were wanted...and really, you are.

You were enchanted at the way my eyes lit up and the uncontrollable smile that found its way to my lips whenever I talked about my passions and dreams.

You were inspired when you heard how much I wanted to be given the heart that deeply cares for the people around me.

You liked how I was probably the nicest person you've ever met. That I was perfectly good, as pure as white.

You made me the sun to your day. I became your light and your world revolved around me.

.

.

.

.

But you were mistaken.

I was laughing to forget about the overwhelming pain inside. Insecurities were eating me from the inside, my soul almost completely gone.

I made you feel wanted because I myself am very familiar to the feeling of insignificance. Flashes of me staring into nothingness in the middle of the night, cheeks stained with tears and uncontrollably shaking with anxiety, as I questioned God why did He gave life to me when someone else deserved it better.

I spoke of passions and dreams that once didn't exist inside of me. There I was a few years back, waiting for death to take me away. I didn't care about anything because I believed that I wasn't going to last that long anyway.

I wanted to care for people because I know how it feels like to be ignored and hated on, especially by those dear to me. It broke my heart every single day to be given the cold shoulder whenever I asked for the help I badly needed.

I was being nice because I didn't want the darkness to leak from inside. I have a dark side I keep sealed tight because people are so afraid of it. A glimpse is enough to send them running away, since they are afraid of the unknown...and you are one of them.

You were so focused on the way you felt, on the light I gave off, that you didn't notice the shadows and the darkness that emphasized the light you adored so much at first. But when you did, disappointment was all you felt because I wasn't as perfect as you thought I was. I turned out to be just another broken soul with scars all over...but you know what? It's something I am proud of.

It had always been about you, not me. You were your own sun.

"WHAT?!" An interjection I got so tired of hearing yet it never fails to shock me every time. Usually, it is followed by a statement of disbelief and crying.

"Mandy is dead? But she was still fine when I last talked to her!"

"Joe passed away this morning. I can't believe it."

And the best one, which actually felt like it chopped off a crucial part of me, happened one August. "Your father died last night. It was so unexpected, it just really..." Then came the overwhelming grief. It arrived like a whale with a body so huge, words were not even enough to describe. Spotting me, it swam from the horizon and started closing in so fast while it opened its mouth, ready to swallow me alive. Then everything turns black.

It's like, everyone around me is dying one by one. From the people I was once acquainted with, to those who held a special place not just in my heart, but in who I am as a whole.

Sitting on the chapel's uncomfortable wooden seats, I stare into nothingness without a single tear left to cry. My eyes feel drained, the same as my soul but still, I smile even though it looked lifeless, as if it was as dead as the corpse inside the coffin.

Funny how my happiness seems to have died with them. But the big difference is, that joy will always have a chance of being revived, no matter how little, while as for their corpses...those are dead forever.

A question only God can answer repeatedly plays inside my mind:

So, who's next?

Teenagers nowadays are viewed by adults as an ignorant generation, most especially when it comes to love. Well, it's true.

They can be very impatient, always looking forward to marriage and having a family that they tend to waste their present. All those games they could've played and running they could've done, instead they choose to worry about tomorrow when their strength and endurance will be lesser. They fail to appreciate all the energy and time they have now. How sad.

Their desperation leads them to ruins made from none other than their hearts being shattered into pieces, all because they can never seem to tell the difference between infatuation and love.

Oh how they can never seem to figure out how easy it is to fall in love but difficult to stay. According to them, love is a feeling and not a choice; once it gets hold of you, you can never control it.

They make the most irrational decisions. No wonder, as they let their lust and passion control their lives. Yes, go blame your lack of self-control to your hormones instead of your oblivious nature.

But what makes them idiots the most is their high regard for physical appearance instead of inner beauty (not like it's any different to society as a whole). No one cares when you're wise or nice but be beautiful outside and they'll be chasing you around, worshipping you.

They choose to believe in something so fleeting and here they are, complaining about how forever is just a pile of rubbish.