All I could do was wait as I offered you all of me.

And wait.

And wait.

And when you finally accepted me,

All I could do was walk away because

All that time I spent waiting on you,

An empty shell I became.

Build a bridge just to burn it down

Hearts that break without a sound

Punch and fight because it’s war

You've been waging since you were four

Innocence crucified on a cross

Around your neck; you carry on your back

All the ones you sacrificed

It’s been years but you carry on

As you pour it all into a song

Saddle up and ride that horse

Till it dies then find one more

Cowboy up and load your guns

Give yourself for the ones you love

Heart of stone and bullet proof

So no one knows what you've been through

Say a prayer then curse the day

Opening eyes to all this pain

You've got a choice no room to fail

Heavens gates somtimes border hell

But you were built for whiskey rounds

Throw em back. Fill a hole deep inside

Never forget that what you lack

Was your hearts desire all along

Then pour it all into a song

Saddle up and ride that horse

Till it dies then find one more

Cowboy up and load your guns

Give yourself for the ones you love

Heart of stone and bullet proof

So no one knows what you've been through

Use to have a noble cause

Bring back all the ones you loved

They were lost and left behind

Now you see them through open eyes

It'll never be like it should

Like devastation after floods

You can’t carry the weight they have

We each have to dance along

Through these storms

So saddle up and ride that horse

And when it dies hang up your spurs

Fire off one last round from your guns

A dedication to the ones you love

A heart of stone is never bullet proof

It's just the weight that will bury you

Why do good moods

Slip through my fingers

Then voodoo hits me in the chest

Puts me through the ringer

That’s why I’m throwing punches

At loved ones that linger

I’m in the ether with kush clouds

Doing my best imitation of a bird

On his way down, I feel absurd

In this skin prison, no outs

Did I leap or was I pushed?

Watch me creep past my luck

Flipping pages till they’re torn

Trying to figure out how I got here

When I swore I’d die young

Still not old enough for giving up

I’m getting up and dusting off

Yesterdays as I raise my gun

At imaginary enemies all around

This use to be so much fun

Age has jaded me except my edges

Gonna catch the wind again

From up high I can count my blessings

Getting better at my sins

Learning hard all my lessons

At least I know that they’ll stick

I pluck and pull at my own feathers

An anxious mess in my sleep

I know ‘I need you is better’

So why do I curse and scream

Putting curses on my own crib

I’m a ghost that’s haunting me

Not today, I’ve gotta live

Till the breakdown remakes me

Not enough gold or whatever men are beholden to

To replace or erase the way I feel about you

You’re the cosmic answer to my am I gonna die alone

The river that finally thins my heart of stone

I got your back, desires, demons or excuses

All our enemies will only hate cause we abuse it

Our freedom to make love, our guitar a different tune

Head bang to the way we make musical truth

Make mythical things into a tangible me and you

Caress each other’s tattoos as we would angels wings

Confess all we know about our inner workings

Rearrange parts of my brain I’d given up to the storming

Fortunately for me, you exist

Out of the ether wishing for someone who gets you best

Here I was floating along with no life vest

Technically dead from where I now stand

Heart fully beating from everything you just said

I swear I just rubbed a lamp, saw a genie; made a wish

Now I’m anticipating the four month rush up to your lips

My lioness, proud to be by your side

Bet we finesse what trips most up

I see chaos and good love making in sight

Take a bite bet I never get enough

Or come down from the way you say my name just right

She couldn't wait

to count your toes

hug you close

kiss your nose

introduce you

to your brother

be a warm and

loving mother...

but you only

have her picture.

The smell of death wafted from the cabin, finding her nostrils on the covered porch, drifting heavily on the panhandle’s wind like the poisonous gas it was, but she did not move. Yes, it was the smell of decay, but it was also his smell and she would not leave it.

He was the “alpha”, and was all that was left of what had been her pack, a strong pack with people and dogs and live-stock. She was a social creature. She needed others. There had once been others of her kind here, but she was born into man’s world, so she was friend to man, as he was to her. She was proud to belong with the man, with her man. He was her reason. She had lived with his pack, and so she would die with it.

She lay now on the porch, her paws crossed in front, her chin on top. A rabbit hopped warily from the scrub oak, moving slowly, testing its luck. She watched him with her ears pricked, but her chin did not lift, so the ears laid back once more. Even a rabbit could not interest her now. How lucky he was.

She climbed in fits to her feet and walked to the room. He was lying on the bed. The smell of death was strong... very strong. The air was hot, putrid even. She limped on arthritic legs to the bedside and whined. She licked a still hand, hoping for a response, a pat. She gave a single, loud bark in trial, as if to say, “rise up!” But here laid God, unable to rise. She glanced at the water bowl but passed it by despite the heat. She pushed through the slit in the nylon screen door, her slit, and plopped heavily onto the weathered boards of the porch, boards scoured clean of paint by sand, red sand blown hard like rosin upon the West Texas winds. This place on the porch was her spot, the spot where she laid and awaited the man. The air left her body in a long sigh. She would wait here now, in her spot, for she knew not what, nor how long.

The man told her she was a good dog, and she believed.

A howl escaped her. A despairing howl. The rabbit heard the howl and hopped away. It turned its ears back in case of pursuit, but not in fear. The rabbit understood its adversary. The howl told him that the dog would chase no more.

The man told her she was a good dog, and she believed.

I saw her across the room,

red ribbon around her pinky.

Connected to mine.

Destiny called us together.

But once she saw me,

she took scissors and cut

our tie.