72 Hours, Angel baby
So... it's been exactly 72 hours...
I dont even know how I could last that long...
the thoughts and situations stack up in my head like towers......
I just can't believe how sudden you've gone...
Why does the world have to be against us?
What wrong did we ever do to you?
Taking away something that's mine, I'll have you know, is dangerous,
I fight for her, I love her and I'll do anything I have to do...
If I can just hear her voice one more time..
see her round eyes, soft lips and sunkissed skin,
Remind her why I'm hers and why she's mine,
Get stuck with her in that lazy, hazy state of mind...
Go back to the innocent knees touching shyly in the back of the room,
To the hands exploringly clinging onto each other, taking my breath away,
To our dreams of our future, for you are my bride-to-be and I, your groom,
To whenever we'd have to end our call and you'd ask me to stay...
72 hours and I'm 4000 miles away and I feel so useless..
All I can do is hold onto memories and old messages,
You're smile, your heart, kind, sneaky, cheesy and selfless,
My darling, my honey, you're all I think about.. all I miss....
I miss you, baby...
my angel baby...
Breakup Letter to...
You always find a way back into my life...
I don't know how to get rid of you...
It's like as if a curse had been put on me...
And no matter how many times I manage to free myself from you..
You always manage to get me back..
And I love it.. that's also Why I hate it..
I love you but I also hate you..
In all honesty though, it was my fault...
I did make the first move, and led you to believe that you were now 100% a part of my life...
It's so toxic and sickening..
I wake up and I'm fine..
I do the things I have to do and then the first thought appears...
I try to shake it off or make it go away but the thought keeps coming back...
The anticipation that grows throughout the day, just yearning to taste you again...
And finally...when everything's still...and it's dark outside...I sit outside and have you in my hand...
I can't help but instinctively make the first move, so I do...
And when it's all over and the fires out, I'm in a daze...
And I remember again why I loved you in the first place...
All those years ago...
But thinking so far back...
And remembering the memories I had with you and from you...
I remembered again why I hate you...
Sometimes you make literally physically sick...
And by that moment I just want you gone...
To disappear out of my life...
Leave me alone and don't ever come back...
I have a family, friends and a beautiful girlfriend with hopes for a beautiful future...
But if you keep barging in on my life...
I won't be able to have all that...
Even though I need it, because I need these people...
You disgust me because being with you makes me disgusting...
I just wish I could let you go, if I could, I would do it in a heartbeat...
But you're gripping on me so tight...
I'm really not sure if you'll be able to let go...
Or am I the one who's gripping, and not letting go...
I don't know...
All I know is...
I don't want you anymore...
You have ruined and are slowly ruining my life...again...
Whether we like it or not, want to admit or not, its true...
And we both know it...
So I'm cutting off all ties...
I'm done with your lies...
I don't care how much we've been through because that is in the past...
And I am now focused on my future...
And you do not fit that picture...
I want to be a good man one day...
A good father figure for my kids, a dad they'll be proud of...
I want to be the husband my future wife deserves because she deserves to have the best...
I don't want her to have to suffer because of you...
I'd rather lose you, and everything that goes along with you, than lose this beautiful woman and the possible future ahead of us...
So go..get lost..and don't come back...please...
I really love her and I want to be the best me, not just for me, but also for her...
She deserves the best me...
The reality is I also deserve the best me...
So you have to leave...
Not a rollercoaster. It's more like an elevator. It's either up or down. No inbetween.
Have you ever thought that existence makes no sense?
Not like just your own existence, but any existence in general.
I try to piece things up and make sense of it but it just doesn't.
It's too complicated but too simple.
It's too hot and it's too cold.
It's black and it's white..and SO much more.
It's almost too much.
I don't know how it all somehow fits in my head..
..in fact I don't think it does and that's why I feel like I'm about to explode at any minute..
Have you ever been so scared of yourself that you just stayed awake and would dope yourself over and over and over again so you couldn't allow yourself to be strong enough to do the things you're afraid you'll do?
As if you can see yourself, and you legitimately see 2 versions of yourself right next to each other. In between you two is a switch. All it needs is a little flick, and BAM! you're someone completely different.. and you don't like it.. and you know everyone else doesn't like it either.
So instead of going out and doing all the dark shit you want to do to everybody and everything outside, you just crawl deeper and deeper in your own hole; and it's not of self pity, No!
It's to protect the world from the Monster inside that you know you truly are. It's the real you that no one really knows...not even you yourself. It's the real you who's been yearning and begging and nagging to get out.
It's the real you that keeps you up at night by the noise in your head of them shaking their cage, trying to escape, cursing and screaming blood curdling screams, shouting profanitys not even the worst human could let slip from their mouth, over and over and over AND OVER AGAIN!
It makes you want to rip your hair out, makes you feel SO out of breath, you just don't feel real or human anymore.
It hurts to hold it in. To keep it locked up. You get weaker and the real me knows that. All that it takes is time... With time, I'll get even weaker.. and with time, they'll get stronger.. and when we all least expect it.. the cage will explode in millions of pieces and I will collapse, as the real me steps up to the plate. Then...there is no more going back. Then...it's game over..
It's game over....
So I love this person..and she makes me feel safe.
Makes me want to do all I can to make her day,
Makes me disolve with love everytime I see her face,
Makes me believe in fate.
Shes so very precious and it warms my heart,
it's a struggle for us since we're so far apart..
but for every moment we wish we could have, I say,
no matter how, no matter when, but one day...
One day, we'll be lying on a field outside of town counting stars,
One day, I'll hold her head in my hands and kiss those soft beautiful lips,
One day, we'll drive through every state full of pure bliss cause the world is ours,
One day, I'll hold her whilst watching the sunset on a hill and not loosen my grip...
...One day, I'll wake up and open my eyes to the most precious thing in this universe,
One day, I'll come home from work and she'll be there to kiss me hello,
One day I'll gaze at her and realize that we are much more than two lovers,
One day, I'll ask her to be mine forever, as long as life will go..
...One day, I'll stand nervously but excited as I watch her come closer,
One day, I'll try not to cry but smile as she stands next to me,
One day, I'll say my vows and try to keep my composure,
One day, with matching rings on our fingers, we'll say "I do"... because I do, baby.
One day, one day..
Feeling like you're in damnation,
He eats your soul,
makes your skin crawl.
He makes you sweat,
he'll make you swear,
makes you feel horrible,
inside, outside, everywhere.
He'll make you want to scream,
even though, as obvious as it seems,
He doesn't care...
You hear it inside your head,
inside your heart,
he'll make you wake up from bed,
make you want to tear yourself apart...
to make him stop it..
the tears will pour,
you'll sweat some more..,
but no matter what you do..
he'll still cling on to you..
Mysterys unsolved and,
Hearts turned cold.
to live life,
or to inspire.
A love taken away from him,
it tore him apart,
he never forgot that sin,
for it broke his heart.
His feet touch the floor,
of the broken wooden boards,
he looks around with a tear in his eye,
there he breaks down on the floor and crys.
He feels a presence, so tender, so sweet,
a love so strong, no one could ever beat,
he feels an arm wrap around his shoulder,
and off came the weight, that weighed on him like a boulder,
He looks up and realises he was never alone,
even when he felt he hadn't really fought for her,
his little girl never left his side for he was her home,
and he held her hand once again and said: "I love you, my daughter."
I feel myself trapped,
but I know I cant back-,
-up to who I once was,
that person's long lost.
I hate how they stare,
and pretending to care,
cause though it's not new,
it still hurts, to be true.
I know I dont fit in,
they keep me remindin',
that I dont deserve shit,
see, there's always a hitch.
I cant help but feel tired,
think my time has expired,
feel the pressure in my head,
see, they wish I was dead.
They think I dont know,
think I'll go with their flow,
think they own me,
but that cant possibly be.
No one owns something,
that's broken or empty,
they cant handle the stress,
in the end I'm worthless.
All for you
I knew I would find you here,
Even after all these years,
You were waiting here for me,
I could tell ever since you looked at me.
You'd ask me 'bout my favourite song,
Then see if you could sing along,
And you catch hold of my hand,
For some reason I understand.
I swear I wont go away,
But I need a reason to stay,
I'll stay, 'Cause of you.
I'm just nervous dont mind me,
Give me time I'll come round one day,
I'll come around, just for you.
I dont know how much it'll take,
Of courage for me to make,
That step with you for us,
See I'm scared isnt that obvious
I promise even if everything's unsure right now,
I'll give it my all, I just know I will somehow,
I'll be honest, I'm a bit scared for what lays ahead,
But when I'm gone, know I'm not gone since I said
Oh,oh,oh, all for you.
Who said it first?
Was it me or was it you?
When I glanced back to see
you glance back at me
There was something that
stopped me in my tracks.
Something in your eyes
something poetic..stories upon stories..
and I didnt ask you but..
I decided I had to read all of them..In those shimmering green...
Something about them told me more,
Than you or I could ever before..
..People talk about falling..
...I think I crashed and landed in heaven..
Some people call it "love"
and though I'm not sure
what it is quite yet..
It's something I want to explore..
Those shining emeralds
told me a secret of yours..
And I dont even think you
realised that it happened..
So I'll keep it a secret too..
until you find out yourself..
Till then I'll remember those
eyes looking at me as you sat there...
I'll stay still, cross my heart and hope to die,
I'll keep it safe, keep it with me,
That secret..sweet, bittersweet,
That Secret from your emerald eyes...