It's the silence before a storm...

The soft breeze sliding past your skin...

Lips and tips of fingers lightly grazing on warm skin...

and everytime she inches closer, I tease a little back...

everytime she tries to take the reigns I stop her in her tracks...

I gaze into those eyes as intoxicated as mine...

grabbing her chin I pull her close.. almost closed.. almost touching...

she whimpers and I chuckle... lips touching ever so softly...

I can feel her wavering inside...

"..tell me how much you want it..", I whisper, lips still slightly softly touching...

she gasps... "..I need it..", her breathing picking up slightly...

I raise an eyebrow.. "..Sir." she finishes, breathing still picking up.

I let my lips ever so softly trail up her jawline then pause at her ear.. "..Good girl." she let's out a slight moan.. "Please, I can't take it anymore...Please, Sir, kiss me, please.." she starts begging.

My smile grows in anticipation, I press my lips against hers, hungrily she reciprocates.

She moans into my lips and I pull her close to me.

My hands explore her, as hers explore mine..

And in a fever of passion and tension, moans and panting...

I pull away abruptly.. a little hazy and wanting more.. but...I knew she wanted it just as bad..

"..wh-..where are you going?", she asks.

"I already said 20 minutes ago that I'd be running late for work, baby", I respond with a cheeky chuckle.

"But-..but what was that for?? Baby...You got me all hot and bothered for nothing?!?", "Oh, honey, it's not for nothing", I say with a lil wink and wide grin, "You'll see when I get home.. got that?"

She freezes a lil, her lips plump and hair lightly messy.. her fingers lightly touch her lips, "Yes..Sir.", she says, slowly looking up to me. I walk back towards her, give her a small kiss on the nose, pull back and say, "Besides...teasing you is what I do best, babe".

- Mikey

I'm not Mr. Perfect..

but I'll wash your wounds in my water..

I'll let you take the last slice, twice,

cause my therapist told me to be nice.

I'll cradle your hand, not knowing if it helps,

but catch little nods and glints,

a lil smile to myself.

And I swear, if I knew,

If I could see things how you do,

I'd probably laugh on cue,

Or know what's actually true.

I know my facts,

I know too many,

powerful knowledge,

wish my eyes were steady.

I was born a lil different,

born a lil gay,

the only difference now,

is I'm only happy every other day.

But you brought me a smile,

so I'll gift you plenty,

and you tell me if I'm okay,

and you tell me if I'm empty.

I'll trust in your eyes,

they see the world a bit better,

and believe in your smile,

innocent little tether.

-Mikey

I don't always look back fondly at my healing phase..

.. cause, gosh, healing can be so painful.

There were moments where I was in more pain than when I was broken...

.. but it didn't break me, because I was stronger... I was better..

I was healing.

:)

- Mikey

Everything is "kind of dying"..

Cause.. we're only really "kind of trying"..

I'll swear I'm in the best shape..

but still suck on a cigarette..

And mere kids!.. they vape..

but don't see tar as a threat..

Saying, "Cancer is rare,

and you can slip by a scare.."

but all of a sudden it takes you..

And all of a sudden you care..

..but I'm still sucking on a cigarette..

and I can't run, for my life..

but I can lift some bulky steel..

convinced, I'll be alright..

as long as shit doesn't get real..

Pump one poison in your lungs..

Pump one poison in your veins..

cause chemo is a witch..

but no pain no gain..

..and I'm still sucking on a cigarette..

cause I don't need to show my ID..

but preferred nic anyways..

And yellow was never my colour..

but alkaline won't wash it away..

...yet I'm still sucking on a cigarette..

cause I seek peace of mind,

and nowadays it's hard to come by..

but relief and a lit Marlboro,

I know I won't change tomorrow..

...cause I'm still sucking on a cigarette...

Cause I know people are clean,

and I know people rely on machines..

And I rely on nic..

I'm not dumb, but I am, I'll admit..

cause.. everything is kind of dying..

but I need a cigarette to keep kinda trying..

-Mikey

Time is money,

well, I've wasted alot of money.

Cause I write what I know,

and reap what I sow.

And it was alot of heartbreak,

and a lot of fear,

A lot of wasted hoping,

and a lot of wasted tears.

But I turn my cheek,

and I turn the page..

New hope and glint,

excited for a new day..

I wanna feel like a million bucks.

I wanna treasure every dime,

Have a skip in my step,

and healthy peace of mind.

Don't wanna scream but breath,

with all of my lungs,

and let it sink in,

a new day has begun.

Maybe I'll grumble,

Maybe I'll huff..

But even happy people think Mondays are rough.

Laugh whole bodily,

and love innocently,

and be grateful for who I am, cause I am enough.

-Mikey

It felt like you only loved me, when you were lonely.

Only then, did I have you, and it honestly tore me.

You'd act aloof and ignore my heart-felt messages,

And I convinced myself, I'd written one too many sentences..

Then there were days where you bloomed,

and told me you were over the moon,

how you loved me and were so happy you were mine,

and I? ..well..I knew tomorrow you'd probably change your mind.

I was surprised when you didn't and hurt when you did.

I mean, can you blame me for overthinking all of it?

You'd act all fine and unbothered inside,

But the reality is..it just wasn't our time.

Maybe it never will be..

And personally? That's fine.

-Mikey

I hate that I was a waste of time for you..

And I'm scared you'll come back,

and I'm scared you never will.

-Mikey

I'm seeing someone now...

She's sweet and funny,

but to tell the truth..

she doesn't compare to you..

She likes to talk all day long,

likes to play with my hair,

and listening to my songs,

but doesn't know they're about you...

I know I'm not actually cheating,

but...she doesn't have my heart..

how could she if I already gave it to you?

I would tell her but..she doesn't know me like you do..

I let you in completely and entirely,

and I would do it all over again if I could,

I'm trying to move on but hope keeps from doing so,

I try to move on..but I don't know if I should..

Because.. I know you love me too...

I know you still wonder what I'm doing,

if I'm happy, healthy, if I think about you,

well.. you know me, so you know I do..

If I got on a plane right now and got to you...

tell me honestly, what would you do?...

would you hug me tight and not let me go?

would you ask me to stay cause you love me so?....

She's sweet..and gentle..and I feel sorry for her,

cause she's trying to hold onto the pieces of me left,

but we know this wasn't something that was supposed to last,

what can I say? it happened all so fast.

I feel stupid for using her like that..

I just wanted warmth and affection..

but now I realised I don't want just any kind..

I just want your warmth and affection.. is that a crime?

If so then lock me up,

because I plead guilty of being so in love with you,

cause I could never feel guilty for loving you...

It was always you..

it still is you..

and will forever be..you..

It's hard to put into words...

when I try to start writing it down the pen in my hand trembles...

I feel the sweat pour down my face and my heart begins to race and my breathing gets heavy...

I blink and sit up to catch my breath and try to recollect myself...

I notice it's not working so I think "Dont think to much, Michael...just breath"...

I go back to the paper and force my hand to write down what I feel inside and it feels so forced and painful at the beginning...

...then it begins to find a path... it begins to make sense and I finally feel all the pain, the tears and sweat, the fear and anger get set free on this piece of paper... and when I'm done...

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

...just for a second... I can breath again... I can even smile for a bit... then the first words of this piece catches my eye again and I can't help but let a tear escape my eye... I tell myself it's for the better... I tell myself it will get better... but then I ask myself... "are you sure?" "when?" "how?" ...and I have no answer... so I put my pen to paper again... because that's how I can let it go for at least a moment...but then the moment comes where I've ran out of paper and ran out of ink...when I've ran out of words that can truly describe the pain I'm in...so it stays in my head...so many unwritten stories and poems and songs...so much guilt, pain, fear and hate...I just want to be happy...be able to breath for a second... be able to be...normal...but what is normal?...In moments like these all I can do is try to trick my body into thinking it's ok...and maybe...one day...it will be ok...if I just keep on...

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale...

MikeTheTranny