I had this shining

vision of The Great American 

Novel, but then I became jittery,

giddy, and perhaps a bit spastic,

so many places to go and only 

a day's space to do it

If she doesn't

change 

her mind.

As she 

is prone to do

in a single

eye's blink.

Freedom drives

me crazy, a time limit 

freezes me up, I have 

momentary images 

of character defamation

no, wait, 

that cannot 

be right

I think I am

spoiling this journey

before it has even begun

because

when the truth

must be revealed

I am too much

like her

to ever be

anything different

and anything

I dare to write

will have her

written 

all over .

Love and complete nonsense,

Phynne's Ridiculously Guileless Pen

every night i creep in beside you

and touch the nearest skin so i can count your breaths

the airs you breathe are the sweetest sheep

and when i dream i worry when i am not there to calculate them they will cease

like how words fall away from your ears

when you're not listening close enough

i fell into the world like an accidental spill

clean up on aisle 5

          oil spewing into the ocean

i am death and decay in motion,

a wildfire taking down every last breathing tree

         in my careless path

I've never been able to roll my R's;

My tongue doesn't always work well.

I've never been one to twiddle my thumbs;

I'm too antsy to ever sit still.

I've never ridden in a hot air balloon.

I've never had a tattoo on my face.

I've never been able to read a map.

I've never won first prize in a race.

I've never been convicted of a crime.

I've never made a perfect pie crust.

I've never had trouble landing a man;

I've never found a man worthy of trust.

I've never loved a man who didn't hurt;

With hateful words or heavy hands.

I never learned to put myself first.

I never learned to voice my demands.

I never thought I was good enough;

I have never had high self esteem.

I've never been proud the girl in the mirror.

I never fully believed in my dreams.

I never got married for the right reasons.

I've never quite figured out motherhood.

I've never dealt with the anger inside;

I've never felt more misunderstood.

I've never encountered a drug I don't like.

I've never thought I'd have these regrets.

I've never had willpower needed to change.

I've never believed in forgive and forget.

these symbols just flow out of my inkwell soul

hieroglyphic tears streaming from a forgotten, ancient face

the pen feels so natural in my hand

like its been holding it for

centuries

always

dripping

never finished

sometimes i get so angry that you are

empty

i want to shake you shake you shake you until you are gasping my name because

i know if you knew how to love

you would love me

but i refuse to get out while i still can

i hold onto the briefest moments where we are inside of each other

and you can almost see the light

the strongest of us will find hope in the face of uncertainty

as for the rest, well

they can lay beneath the rubble of the cities they've burnt

and left behind

even if the mind sometimes leaps and bounds

to treacherous conclusions

there is more to love than hate

there is always more, and more, and more

I'm becoming better at reading

Between the empty lines of your texts

It's getting easier to see

Your cares for me lie only in the sex

And then on somedays even the sex

For you, isn't of any concern

On those depressing days I can see

Only me burns with a needful yearn

Choking on the fiery ashes since somehow I

know

Tonight, it's her turn

I have no right to be jealous, sad, or angry

'Cause you aren't mine to own

Besides, I have someone who's suppose to be mine

Yet he's not mine alone

I don't need to fight with a lesser woman

For your attention to earn

Done enough of that competing shit all my life

Think by now I would learn

But I'm foolish and I'll still try one more text,

Knowing

Tonight it's her turn

Like a childish dream I hold onto hope

For tomorrow to be my day

When I know there's not even the smallest chance

It'll ever go my way

Because when tomorrow finally does come

It's against her skin you'll return

While I lie awake left with heat from desire

That's hot enough to burn

Just another lonely night stuck without you,

'Cause

Tonight it's her turn