If deep isn’t your style,

then I’ll push you into the ocean

and ask you if real life

is shallow.

Maybe it is.

This is my world. At least that’s what people tell me. They say the meek shall inherit the earth. So this is my world. But do I deserve it? Can I handle this immense responsibility? This is my world. I’m not sure I’m ready for it, but it is ready for me.

Yes.

We have work to do.

Darkness is not

the absence of light,

but, rather, it is

the lack of

i n

m a

u t

l i

l o

i n

.

Did it ever cross your mind?

Flitting in and back out, like dust motes in waning sunlight.

Thoughts begin and end without a word spoken,

Much like a breeze along the forest floor,

The stirring makes a noise but there are no ears to hear it.

Does my pleading voice follow suit?

Falling upon uncaring ears above a cold heart.

Although loose lips smile, the eyes hold the truth.

I am numb to your torment, for your hold is no longer.

For love now resides where once was disdain,

Down here in the gutter.

I loved the stage,

So I performed every day;

Until they called it Stage 4,

And I don't act anymore.

The illness was spreading

Immensely, and fast

But we did what we could--

And at last, at long last!

After months of nothing,

Results finally struck

Death has turned his head,

Despite what Logic said.

on our first date, i told you i was flighty. impatient. easily bored. i don’t paint my nails because i can never sit still long enough for even one coat to dry. i don’t fold my laundry because i hate the routine. i would rather buy new cutlery than wash my old ones.

maybe i’m lazy. maybe i have no motivation. maybe i’m just looking for somebody to grab my shoulders and give me a shake and explain what normal is and why i should

do it. but sometimes i brush my teeth for 7 minutes straight because it just feels right. some nights i put my pillow on the opposite end of the bed because i’m still hopeful that i’ll wake up differently if i sleep differently. i never do.

sometimes i forget that i’m reading in the middle of flipping a page, instead struck by the thought we would rather make paper than oxygen, would rather have one less life-source than one less novel. i wonder about priorities. i wonder about people who think it’s necessary to match their socks when they leave the house every morning as if that’s what determines their character. i wonder about people who carry around purses that contain nothing but gum. i wonder about people who spend all their hours at a desk and then return to their house to pass the night alone in a cold bed with a frozen dinner. i wonder if they think that money will make them happier than other humans.

i don’t like kissing when i have lipstick on because i’m afraid of leaving a stain on a cheek, as if i’m marking my territory somewhere i don’t belong, as if i’m trespassing on camera. i stay up for twenty hours a day and spend the other four hours knowing that the longest a person can stay alive without sleep is ten days. i wonder if my nervous system has begun to break down, leaving me nervous and broken along with it.

on our first date, i said i felt flat. not the kind of flat of a calm water on a windless day, but the kind of flat that you associate with deflated balloons. all out of air or out of breath or struggling to find any words left. i felt like the kind of flat that musicians hate - that i hate and i can’t play a single instrument. on our first date, i think i told you i would understand if you didn’t stay. nobody did and i never blamed them. i was too busy wondering about people who believed in numbers and the healing power of yoga on 3 a.m. mornings and tying their shoes without kneeling down to notice when they left. i am stuck inside of a world that i don’t quite understand, with people i never seem to connect with.

That’s right. I’ve been told so many times i need to lose weight that i completely stopped asking “DO I?”

First, the basics. Food is great. Things taste wonderful or they sometimes taste awful. If food sucks, it’s because my body is wired to scream at me “are you really giving us this crap?..really? Brussle sprouts?!?!?!”

On the other hand, my body definitely knows when something’s good. It tells me “i want more!!! Go get some for me!!!” it is a wonderful, highly sensitive system, attuned to making sure that i get all i need. If I’m a bit overweight, it must be either another problem, not diet telated, or even more likely- not a problem at all!

Then, ladies and gentlemen of the court I’ll ask you, as the Romans : “cui bono?” Or simply, who stands to benefit from telling me I’m fat: easy to answer that.

Gyms, fitness instructors, dietitians, diet shakes... They all make tons of money by spreading this lie. They even got doctors and the surgeon general in their pocket. They rake in money by telling me i should eat food that they in turn can sell me, take medicine that they can overprescribe me, and do exercise (!!!!) That they can just torture me with. And if i do all that, I’ll probably start getting orthopedic problems, so I’ll also need better shoes (just for running!!!), braces, and sweat bands... Yes. Sweatbands....

So the lesson is this: stuff yourself as much as you want, and don’t let some quack with an agenda to tell you what’s good, because...he has an agenda!!

They meet in secret weekly to plan the nefarious

Start a social media shitstorm by being contrarious

Persuade adults in power to behave like brats

And argue til people want to throw out the rats

Have a generations addicted to trends fading fast

While ignoring things so important and vast

What’s worse their plans have no rhyme or reason

The Council of Morons have no rules for their treason

Whatever nonsense rises to the top will rule the day

And pushes aside anything the rational have to say