I don't know if you know this

but I followed some of you

Those of you with pain

with anger

with depression

with a desire to die

I open my news feed every day

with a little tight lump in my throat

I love to read your stories

I love to be inspired

I love to see you posting today

Not given up

Not dead

My heart feels relief when you write

The pain is getting out

The emotions are being expressed

You have your one weapon left

and you are swinging away with all your might

I can't fix you

I don't want to

You're not broken

You just got a little turned around

Please keep posting

Please keep swinging

PLEASE

DON'T

DIE

I care that you're alive

A complete stranger

I know

But when the voices come too loud

When the pain comes too fast

When the weight is too much to bear

Please put down the knife

Please set down the gun

Please throw away the pills

I care

And I will be looking for your posts in the morning

Sometimes I wish I would end

My feelings would end

My thoughts would end

My life would end

But that would never happen

I have to keep going

So my friends don't forget me

So my family wouldn't cry

So I could live

Even though, sometimes,

I feel I should die

Then it would be

The end

i wonder

how nice it must be

to only battle yourself

but i am tired

of everything,

of everyone

of every word

reused, recycled

into another work

and i can't help

but feel

it's all the same

i am uninspired

by myself, by others and

their blissful bullshit

i'm my own demon,

my own heckler,

my own obstacle

but i wonder

how nice it must be

to only battle yourself,

i wonder what it's like

to still have sickness

and health

because my battle

has left me

with nothing.

Dull sounds of silence

breed its seeds

of apathy, caught

in downpour

of smog, veiling

absence of light,

weeping echoes

left behind,

hardened clay

without center,

dead trek

to nowhere,

hunting for hope.

Awe extinguished

as sun beats down.

Please don't remember this

this love for you that consumed me

this love for you that haunts me still

that I worshiped every word you lied

or the thousands of sweet nothings

that really were nothing

Please don't remember this

the sound of my voice as I told you I loved you

the sound of me on my knees as you left

the feelings of raw hurt as you walked out the door

or the warmth of my embrace

that clings on to the cold

Please don't remember this

the words of a fool in love

the words of love falling on deaf ears

the sight of you as your first kissed me

or the sight of you as you left 

me shattered

sip after sip

until

i am floating

giggling

wishing

i pluck a petal

from the flower in my hand

snap

"he loves me"

i let it float to the floor softly

as this imagined eternity passes in a prolonged second

to be broken by

a second snap

"he loves me not"

i sway

like a wilting flower

that thirsts for new life

in the hollowness of my conclusions

my lips pout at each outcome

each snap

my flair for dramatic gasps

accompanied with fluttering eyelids

fighting for full consciousness

i can feel tears glass over my eyes

as i slowly recognize that

my efforts for simplicity

cannot cover up the fact

that this life is difficult

but my drunkenness

brings out the child in me

and allows me to hold onto

my old innocence of love

so i take another

sip

after

sip

I can't sleep most of the time

Cause I'm worried of being yelled at

With your cruel and vulgar words

Pounding in my head

Making me feel

As if I can not do anything.

You make me feel bad,

make me feel like shit.

I feel tired

and worn down.

I'm broken,

and it's because

of you.

I can't function

normally.

Because of you.

My joy is not the same

As your joy

And though

You are just like me

Yet we are not the same

My friend.

Won't it be great

If you would know

That

My pain is not the same

As your pain

And though

We are quite alike

We are still different

My friend.

Won't it be nice

If you could realize

That

My anger is not the same

As your anger

And though we like

Walking by the sea

And holding hands

And smelling flowers

Together

And though

I love you

And you me

And we are one

We are still

Two alone.

Though we are

Entwined

You are not me

Just as

I am not you

My friend.

Into the indigo of night

dips a bowl bejeweled with light

It lifts away the dark 

with a handle, diamond sparked

Casting dark away

from the final breaths of day

Pours the gems of heaven

across earth's night again

Oh, to take a sip

from that Dipper's deepest dip

and quench with heaven's wine

the thirst of earth's repine