A Couples Quarrel
"I can't believe YOU would do THIS to me," she said in disbelief, "YOU of all people?!? This is the last thing I expected."
"I know," he said, consumed by his guilt, "I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I'm so very sorry. How can I make this up to you?"
"I don't know that you can. I've been through a lot in past relationships. When you came along, I felt certain that you would never do anything to betray my trust or hurt me, but you did!! This is just too much to process, I need to leave," she said as she fumbled for her keys.
"Wait....you're actually leaving right now?? I mean, I know I've upset you, but does what I did really warrant this type of reaction?"
"I certainly think it does," she said sternly.
"REALLY?"
"I just can't bare to be around you for another second! You know how much I love cheesecake. And you went and selfishly ate the last piece. Did you even concern yourself with the idea of sharing it? Or were you too busy stuffing your stupid face?"
"Whoa! Whoa! Ok, I feel bad for eating your cheesecake, honey, I really do, but you are being ridiculous, " he said mockingly.
"Oh, I'm being ridiculous??? The only thing ridiculous here is that your gluttonous cheesecake-stealing ass didn't share. I can still smell the chocolate-y sweetness on your breath you selfish bastard,"she said as she walked out the door.
That was the last time he ever ate the last piece of any dessert.
Set Me Free
I get lost in you, but not in a fearsome way. It's as if I have discovered a new world after a jaunt through the forrest, untouched and unseen by any other human form. Water glistening as it descends down the rocks, plants flourishing as they reach for a warm, golden sun. A real thing of beauty drawing me in, that's what you are to me.
As aesthetically pleasing as this is and as relaxed as I feel, my heart depicts another scene than my head. To my heart, you are a wasteland, void of plant life and thirst-quenching water. You are like that of a desert, dry and scorching hot. My heart sees me, with cracked lips and hardly a voice, dying for a drop of water, crawling toward the nothingness you have given it.
The battle between heart and mind emerges as it always does. My heart is fearful of indifference. My mind is lost in the superficial. My final plea is this: Set Me Free!!! Please set me free. Tell me you love me and let me get lost in more than just the aesthetics. Let our bodies merge and I'll lose myself in your very essence. Let your scent linger on my skin, your kiss on my lips, your face on my mind, and your love on my heart.
Tell me you love me or don't. If you don't, I can finally let go of all of the possibilities of us in my mind. I can close the door on you and turn to face a different view. Hearing the words "I don't love you" would be unpleasant to my heart, but it, too, would set me free!
America the Beautiful
Our government is greedy and corrupt. Our media likes to send people into a frenzy by keeping us scared enough of all of the terrorism going on around us that we stand behind any policies set forth to protect us, all the while making us feel safe enough to be thankful to live the way we do. I feel our government has created a nation wide Stockholm syndrome. We know enough to be fearful but are so thankful about the little handouts we are given that we would gladly take bullets to protect the government. While lost in our state of confusion, the government takes and does as it pleases with legalese to fill in the gaps and confuse the masses. They are always giving us a seemingly "good" reason for their actions and to justify their behavior, leaving the REAL reason hidden in dark, torture chambers.
Side Note: I love my country dearly but need to vent.
Selective Pruning
No, this isn’t a rambling diatribe about planned parenthood or selling fetal tissue. It’s just a bunch of disjointed thoughts about clipping snippets of my life and encouraging new growth. Selective pruning would get rid of the dead wood and embolden me to flesh out the decaying spots where I made poor decisions. There are so many ramifications to removing parts of the vital spark that is inherent in us all. Removing the particle that hasn’t thrived might make my self inconsistent with my current vitality. What would I plant in the missing spaces? Would I be fooling with mother nature by removing part of me? If I changed the course of my life, would the good things also take a hike?
I’d like to pare down the rotten parts without raping my existence. I wonder if I hadn’t made the same choices, would something even worse emerge? The life skills that I learned during that time of hardship linger to this day, helping me to cope with whatever is thrown my way. Erasing those croppings from my permanence might have eliminated my children or changed their natures. My roots may have gone in a twisted direction, even if I had changed my soil. My genetic code would be forever altered. What if the shearing destroyed the parts that I would like to retain such as artistry and creativity? Well, I’ve talked myself into a decision. I will dwell where I have germinated and be the person that has emerged from the bedrock. I have overcome the storms and tornadoes and foul weather of the past and emerged as a triumphant blossom.
Love
There was never a moon,
The sky, consisting of little specks
of white light and the darkness
between. That’s it. There was no
moon. It was complete
at the time, that sky with its
little specks of white light
and the great darkness that
commenced
oh, depth and eternity.
You know, the constellations are a story
it’s a man with an arrow
who has lost his spoons
and without his spoons
he is lost. But the story ends
and he never finds his spoons.
This story was created by a man
sitting alone. He sat there, before
there were stories, so near to night.
And the stars were enough then,
there was never a moon.
But once there it was,
round, pale.
It appeared like a locked door
appears
after an old brass key.
She didn’t call it moon when she saw it
She felt it move the sea inside of her
She felt it move the sea she walked beside.
Her body rippled as if it had turned
from stone to glass,
so her breath changed, her steps changed,
her whole breadth of motions
changed to protect the glass.
Time and Distraction
It's been one of those weeks, the kind I only experience once in a blue moon. I've sustained three minor injuries this week, each new injury increasing in pain. I hadn't felt pain since, well, you walked out on me.
My first injury was to the eye. I was folding jeans in a mad rush to clear off the bed so I could go to sleep. While flipping them to fold in half, the thick seam at the bottom of the pant leg swiped my eyeball. Such an irritation, one worthy of a curse word or two. After five minutes of blurred vision and watering from my left eye, I went back to my task.
My second injury occurred on a windy day this week. I was setting my purse in the passenger's seat of my car when the wind blew so hard that it knocked my door forward. It happened fast and unexpectedly. I tried to complete my task, but the door had gained too much momentum and slammed my hand leaving a putrid bruise. The pain was greater than that of the last.
My third injury occurred when preparing my dinner. I thought I'd let the crockpot do the work and while pulling it out from the cabinet, I skinned my knuckle against the wood. It left a nasty gash and throbbed for a couple of days. You see, the location of this scrape was most inconvenient. I found myself forgetting about it and therefore, continually bumping it while performing my daily tasks.
As I said, I hadn't felt pain since you walked out. All of these injuries pale in comparison to the pain of heartbreak. "Our story was one that could be etched in stone", you would say, "because it will last for ever!". Instead you used your hammer and chisel to etch pain into my heart, striking harder and deeper until it fell in a million pieces.
And finally, an epiphany! All of the pain I've endured this week and the pain I endured from heartbreak happened because of my own negligence. I wasn't focused on the condition of my eye, my hand, or finger, just the task I was quickly trying to complete. The same can be said about us. I wasn't focused on the condition of my heart, just of the relationship I wanted.
The only thing, other than time, that helped me heal was distraction. My heart broke because I wasn't paying attention and I overcame it when I stopped paying attention.