![Profile avatar image for Hellrzr](https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/images.prod.theprose.com/user-187196-square-1701864854479.png)
Winter’s End
Days and months and years pass by,
Time is but a dream with no real meaning, and life is nothing without feeling.
Death is as much a part of life;
Just as a tree must shed its leaves,
to make room for new growth in Spring.
I too, will meet Death at my winters’ end;
As will you,
Exist not in memories for there is a future before you,
And today is the only matter at all.
So I ask,
Do you exist in the past?
Is it for what has yet to come in which you bask?
Why is living in the present such an existential task?
So we hold the mask of ignorance,
And pretend to see no end,
Until the time has come for you ,
To return to dust again.
©S.J.Reed
my heart, again
I never really met him.
Not technically, anyway.
I wasn’t watching where I was wandering when we bumped, I mean when I bumped into him. His drink didn’t spill, though mine did. I stained the carpet with two fingers of tequila. He used two fingers to point to an empty hall. I made my way through the crowded room to apologize for my clumsiness.
What I thought was wrong, so very wrong.
He introduced himself, but didn’t say his name doing so. In doing what he didn’t do, he reminded me of the complete opposite of those black and white film carnival barkers directors use to foreshadow everything yet to come. His was a series of well-rehearsed motions in which those in close proximity would swear something of great importance was just about to happen.
And it did.
So I listened with an intent I never displayed before.
And I learned.
He told me of my life. He highlighted my highlights and delved equally into my pitfalls.
He knew me as I didn’t even know myself.
When he spoke of Mary, the one I let slip away, the one who fought against my ego, I wanted him to cease. When he spoke of her new life without me, I regretted asking him to stop. He knew I wanted to know more. My eyes begged and my pride gave way to my heart. I wish I had this level of composure with Mary when it mattered.
He told me she had a son, a healthy, happy lad who adored his mother and respected his father. The three led the life they wanted. It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t that far away either.
I wanted more. I thought I had that right. Before speaking, he lifted his eyebrow, so subtle was his action in terms of energy expended, so powerful his action in terms of energy received, I held my tongue while he continued his narration.
Time had always been kind to Mary and her family. She aged well and her son grew. However, not all was well in her world. Her husband, twenty years older than her, began declining in health last spring. By fall, he would pass leaving their house emptier than ever. Mary bore his death well, on the outside. However, on the inside, to those who knew her enough to know the difference, Mary suffered. While she loved her husband, he was never to be Mr. Right, only Mr. Right Now. He gave of himself all he had to give. It was more than she ever could ask for, but it was never enough. Once he understood this feeling she carried, he never spoke of it again to her. He accepted his place as the older gentleman with more-than-adequate resources and a less-than-adequate appeal. She never tried to explain the hunger she had that he could not feed. It was not in her nature to aggravate wounds.
When he halted telling his tale, he took a sip from his drink. Almost, as if he did not want to divulge more, but under an oath to do exactly that, he drew breath and finished his story with the location of a vehicle parked in the hotel garage awaiting a date with destiny. He also told me if I break her heart again, he would kill me where I stood. As if we never met, he turned to walk away.
I turned to the nearest exit and found the parking garage.
It had been 25 years and she still had her pink Mustang.
And now she had my heart, again.
Sailing
I know
It's my fault
I never
Wanted you
To see
How hard
It was
For me
I held
My suffering
Like a newborn
Carefully
And away
From the world
But when
We left
The shore
In our
Single parent sailboat
Me
Not even knowing
How to sail
I pointed out
The sunny skies
To distract you
While I fought sharks
I said
Close your eyes
And feel the breeze
While I
Evaded pirates
I said
This is fun
Life is great
When my exhaustion
Threatened
All our lives
You got bigger
And I built
A bigger ship
Learned more
About navigation
And felt proud
Of every storm
We weathered
Then the tsunami hit
And broke apart
All I had built
So we started again
With remnants
And new pieces
But
Older now
You stopped
Closing your eyes
And looking away
And saw
How close
We were
To sinking
And
Scared now
You shouted at me
Pointed out my flaws
Broke down my reserves
And I began
To question
My ability
And the boat
Fell in to disrepair
And when
It started to capsize
I said here
Stand on my head
And I swam to shore
And you ran off
Afraid
For your lives
And I built
A new boat
Smaller now
A boat for two
And your brother
Still closes his eyes
To feel the breeze
And looks
To the sunny sky
While I battle sharks
But I know
Someday
He will just watch
And I'm so afraid
Of what
He will think of me
Three Square Meals
For breakfast this morning
I feasted upon pain
Humanity's pain
Self and otherwise inflicted
I ingested morsel after morsel
Until my stomach swelled with it
And the lines
Between pain and ecstasy
Disappeared
For lunch
I dipped my spoon
Into a consommé of sorrow
I let it flow through me
Growing
Into a tidal wave of grief
For the unjust
For the lost
For the haunted masses
For those who know smile
As just a word
On a billboard
Selling toothpaste
For dinner
I chargrilled hate
And forced it down my gullet
Patty after patty
Topped
With thinly sliced sleaze
I eat like this
So I can go to sleep
Knowing
There's less in the world
Than yesterday