I love the word Curve, the loveliest 

distance between two points.

I love the way my hands run along 

your curves, mapping it in my memory

I love how the change of texture

from the front, soft, pliant, rubbery

changes to the side, soft, firm, and 

ticklish.

And from the side to the back

skin much tighter, from the fullness

of what lies behind.  No, don't deny

yourself of what you have

For it was your curves that caught my eye

and curves of your face, in that delicate smile

or the roundness of your eyes, or the curves

of your lips that quenches my lust

And I love the curves of your hands 

as they hold mine, finger caressing finger.

I love the word Curve, the loveliest

distance between two points.

There are at times, for me, when the day is 

ending and I have nothing left to give,

where I simply sit in the back yard, under 

the umbrella, and let the cool spring 

evening wind lift the sooty ashes off of my

face and shoulders

I do not know how they got there, well

I do, but I believe, that that is for another time,

when there is more time for a drink with an 

old or new friend, to get into that story about molten

emotions and burning desires that became too

incendiary for our own good

But if you were here with me

I don't know if I would be good company as

I have said my last words, spat my last emotions

and with burning fingers from your venom

wiped the warm emotions from my eyes

leaving rivers of lava along my face

Sitting in my back yard, with the cool April

wind blowing on my face, tempering the 

embers that were once the beating

muscle of my emotions, I sit and listen

to the quiet

Their laughter cut Daniel, he could feel its edge as if the blade of it kept cutting over his flesh, again and again and again. He almost wished he took the coward’s way instead and stayed silent, yet he knew the hurt of never knowing an answer did cut a lot deeper than the three girls laughter. Still, the bitter taste of rejection was harsh if it was thrown in your face or if it was a mystery that haunted you your entire, adopted life.

He tried to imagine, or perhaps hope - a bit foolishly - that Debbie did laugh a little bit less than her friends, that she was being cowardly by doing so, but deep down a part of her was at least touched that he asked her to the dance. A foolish hope perhaps.

Daniel lived in a world of foolish hopes though. He had parents that loved him, yet few days have gone by where he didn’t hope his biological mother or father would show up at his door. He was ready to forgive them for tossing him away, he just wanted the chance to do so.

There was a guilt that went along with that need though. The guilt that somehow by wanting to meet the ones that rejected him, that he was now rejecting the only parents that he ever knew and loved. Two people that loved him more than he probably deserved. But, they didn’t understand. How could they? There was a pull of invisible strings. There was a need to know. A need that cut deeper than bone.

A need that felt just as random as the pull Debbie had on him. Her smile, her kindness - up until now anyway. Even with the laughter, and the humiliation, this part of him still was drawn to her. It was just like being drawn to the parents that never wanted him. An irrational need to have a love that was...unattainable.

Daniel would head home later, his dad would know of Debbie’s answer before Daniel even got two words out. He can almost hear his dad’s response.

“You tried and perhaps I was a bit wrong, for laughter is a bit worse than a simple ‘no’, but time will pass. Your young heart will slowly move on to another girl to fancy and try to woo. Perhaps then you’ll see that you are a better man for the laughter. Perhaps the laughter showed you a side of yourself you needed to see?”

His words would make perfect sense to Daniel’s mind, even as his heart would reel from them, for his heart has been haunted by rejection for as long as it has missed the rhythm of a different heart; the heartbeat of the woman that birthed him. A sound that still haunted him beautifully in his dreams each and every night. A sound to take the edge off of three girls’ laughter, only to cut in a deeper way.

Death never seemed so inviting and my heartbeat never quite so strong. The streets were dark, but the allies were darker. Above all else, his voice echoed and bounced off of every wall in my mind, “You will learn. Time should never be tampered with.”

I opened my eyes and the world seemed to change around me. The leaves changed before me like I hit fast-forward. They turned from green, to yellow, to orange, then to brown. The people moved in blurs of colors, forming lines in my vision. I looked to my hands and I have begun to age. I’m out of breath and quickly running out of time.

“Stop! I give up! Please, just take me back!” As quickly as it had begun, it stopped. I was no longer 18 years old. I was 70, but time had stopped, and nothing moved. The leaves didn’t change, and they didn’t sway in the wind. The blurry lines of colors that signify the patterns of movement were frozen in their paths. Time was liquid and I was drowning in it.

“Once time has passed you cannot take it back, My Dear. If I have taught you anything at all, this shall be it.” His voice sounded in my mind like a warning shot at a race. A race to what? Time unfroze and it was clear. 

A race to my death.

The difference between me and her is she was in the moment and I was forever. Our forever was a fortune, but you spent every dime on something that only lasts a minute. That's like spending every dollar you've ever earned on a feather that flew out of your hand when the wind blew. When you finally realize what you've lost, don't call me. Don't text me. Don't write me. Just remember this... I told you so. I just have a question... Does it suck to wake up to someone you don't love? My heart breaks for you. You have my sympathy. But I don't love you like I used to. I see your flaws, as I always have, but this time they're bigger. Clearer. I don't love who you've become. I don't love this version of you. How could I? You lie, cheat, and deceive. How could you make me fall in love with you and then hurt me repeatedly? I'm not a yo-yo. Eventually I stop coming back. But let's be honest, you never really loved me. Love is pure and kind. Your thoughts were unclean and your words were hurtful. My thoughts were always of you and my words were well thought out and sweet. You said you loved me, but you only loved yourself. You are not the girl I fell in love with. She was strong and willing to fight for me. Was that you or my imagination? I'm not sure anymore. I can't separate what happened in my head from what actually happened. You rode in on a white horse and rescued me from the tower that is my mind, but did you really? Maybe you just changed my wallpaper and made me believe I was free. Now that you're gone, so is my "freedom". You perfected the I'm sorry's and I love you's to the point where I lost sight of the truth, you never loved me. So what was the point in our twisted fairy-tale? Was it to hurt me? To destroy what little I had left of a heart? If so, you succeeded. But I think I understand what your problem was. I think you wanted someone to fix. I let you see how broken I was and you set out to put the pieces of me back together. Once I was fixed you got bored. So you broke me just to fix me. Again. And again. And again. And again. If we didn't have issues you got bored. So you created problems, picked fights, and broke me. To what end? My end. Well, you know what? I didn't ask to be fixed until you showed me what it felt like to be whole. I just wanted someone to love my broken pieces. Not put them back together. You made me depend on you, when before you, I was nothing but independent. You made me need you. Now I realize that I don't really need you. And I don't really need to be fixed. I just need someone to love me the way you never did. The way I dreamt you would. And I hope you walk a straight line. And I hope it all goes up from here for you. And I hope you go to heaven. Because, for me, things are only going to get worse and I don't want you in hell with me. But despite all of my good wishes, I hope you get hurt the way you hurt me. I hope you wake up in the middle of the night completely out of breath and crying trying to scream my name, but nothing ever comes out. And I hope you hear me crying when you're bathed in silence. And I hope when she laughs you hear mine. I hope my memory haunts you to your grave. But I hope you go to heaven. And I hope you find whatever it is that I didn't have. And I hope you're happy. But I hope you find that you miss me and find yourself looking me up and find this and realize how bad you actually messed up. But I hope you brush it off.