Here I am again, trying at it, trying to find it, trying to hang on to it when I get it.

I'm such a loser, what's wrong with me? I am good looking, smart and funny, please I'm

use to the jealousy. But here I am with glass finger tips that have no grip on them, they can never hold on to love no matter how tight I grip it

Every time one slips through my fingers I curl up in pain vowing never to try again but the emptiness is just as painful, so I try again. I never learned love but I know what it looks like and it looks really pretty. I wish I knew how to hold it because I tell you it feels so nice when it's with me but it always soon fly away and I can never keep it from flying off,

I then return to an empty life again and try filling it with alcohol, drugs and music.

The emptiness hurts a lot, there's an awful kind of sharpness to it when finding yourself in it again, anew.

I'm back loneliness and I'm ready to hurt again. I'm ready for I got alcohol to drown you with, drugs to hide you with, music to hug me and inspire me to try again. With that still I almost know now I'll fail again, I know now and accept that with these glass finger tips I will lose love again unable to hang on to it.

I am okay...

It’s okay not to be okay

They told me so

But they’re the reason

I wear slit smiles

And crisscross thighs as armor

I am scared of dealing with the hurt

I can’t get theese voices at my head

Maybe I just like feeling dead

I could pull out the needle

But I like the pain

Cause I don’t wanna feel numb

I get closer to the mania

I don’t wanna come down

I wanna stay up in the clouds

I don’t wanna sleep

I am scared all I am going to be left with is the hurt

I listen to the sound of my ocean

Cause I am obsessed with my own drowning

Wet eyes

Dry after

Midnight

See I noose

The high and lows

Jolting

I mean joking about my own misery

Stare Into the eyes of a shrink

Spreading my palms

Tell me my future

Do I survive the starry nights

and missed sunsets ?

Cause even broken glass

Catches rainbows

But even angels

Fall from earth

Orbiting oblivion

Plateau platonic

Hold my body

When I hit earth

Cause I don’t think I will survive this fall

My wings broke again

But my hearts still beating

Cause even broken hearts

Beat the same

Just with caution

Defy gravity

You’ll end up falling from your own grace

Even the devil tastes like an angel

When shaped like a bottle

Sunken eyes

Bird chest

Eat your soul

Cause the world made you heartless

You like the sweat of liars

Suck your neck

Cause I am addicted to emotion

I am a ravager in my own home

Stole the emptiness

And burrowed

My existence

Ate the walls

Cause these 4 walls consumed me

Breathe your own poison

Even brains leaks

See you can be your own cynanide

Get lost in the commas

Cause money

Will supply the highs

Cause reality’s hard

Wake up in my hell

Control my own nightmare

Cause dreams are empty wishes

The scary the halls

The easier it is to fear

Your own shadow

For depression is immortAl

Dead things consume death

Maybe that’s why my flesh looks eaten up

Suck your own blood

Cause even death

Tastes amazing

When you hit the concrete

WHat I do to feel alive

Pick my skin apart

Skin and bones

Fall on broken glass

Just to see my skin cry

I am insomniac

Annorexic of sleep

My eyes glued

To the ceiling

See I have learned every curvature

Of it

See even insecurities sound like lullaby’s

See my tears are the color of spilled milk

Shove chocolate chip cookies

In my mouth

Cause I lost my sweet tooth

See the world will turn you bitter

And label you a quitter

The bed has become deathbed

The cotton my lover

Molding to my touch

The night has become

Neighbor

A stranger

I have become to watch

The stars have become the flashlight

That guides me to the razors

Self injury is art

Art is best done at 3 am

Cause inspiration

Is never lacking

My favorite word

Is okay

See okay

Is an life jacket

It is not strong to save me from my own submersion

Okay is orbiting a solar system

And never truly landing

Okay is a billion stars

A red flag billowing right enfront of you

Okay is razors way of saying shut up

When you cut too deep

Okay is a needle

A little poke just to see if your alive

Okay is a conversation stopper

How are yah doing okay

Okay is my safe word

That triggers my own existence

Okay is the backwards regression

That gallops in with its bf depression

Okay is an crashing mania

Okay is life support

Okay is a gun , my hand yets pull the trigger

Okay is a please and thank you ...manners at a wake

Okay is the tears that won’t come

Okay is ...is not okay

How are you today ?

I am okay

Birds pick away at birdseed cause it’s the closest thing that taste like their own flesh

Sometimes we are own cannibal

Obsessed with our self destruction

See I discover my body each night

Trying to fall in love

With each curve

And jaded edge

Tracing myself

Pressing my hands

In places

It shouldn’t be

Trying to pull out this

Self love out of me

That doesn’t

Exist

See someone told me

My body reminded

them of starry night

By Vince van gough

Was it because of the little swirls on my skin

See I carved my nails in my flesh

See hoping to dig deeper in my soul

Finding a great meaning

Or maybe it was to get closer to death

See it is hard to fall in love

With an image

When you don’t like what is reflecting back at you

See my body is gravesite

Which I chose to bury under clothes

See I know what hungry eyes

Do to innocent girls

See I know too much

Self love , it is not love at all

It is simply stuffing yourself until you feel whole

I enjoy the darkness

See I like the way my body ripples against foreign hips

Like a tidal wave drowning them in my own ocean

See I sometimes utter to myself , in between each push inside this is okay

See I have been told that a woman’s body is art

But I know that even art is indulge in the most indecent way

My body is a temple

But I do not wish to worship in

See my body was made from star dust

I am the combustion of an galaxy

See my body is a forbidden fruit

I do not desire

See my body wants to be

Everything but me

See my body has discipline

It vomits everything that is unwanted ...(me)

See my body is poetry

A bunch of simile’s

Comparing self to her and her

Only satisfying myself with a metaphor

See my body is

A skeleton

It doesn’t belong to me

See my body is music

I seem to not know the melody

See my body is a solar system

But I am quite uncomfortable it is galaxy

See my body is a rose

I still haven’t clipped the Thorns

See my body is starved

It throws up every compliment

See my body is imperfection

But it is perfection at it is finest

Body is the word that tastes like bile on my tongue

That scratches at my skin

Attracts googling eyes

And frequent trips to an inbox

Body is the awkward stage

Where wonky breasts

And chubby buttocks

Become pinchable

See even eyes become paintbrushes

See even hands become a compass

And get lost where they shouldn’t be

See even lips forget to breathe

My body will not become your oxygen

See my body is my birth certificate

I can not deny its existence

See my body is suicide

Grieving it’s own presence

See my body is operation

You can’t fix a broken thing

See my body is mine

As fight to pull myself out of the mirror

See I know ..I know I said I was leaving ..but I get hungry and much on pencils and vomit up words ....

See the pain sinks in like a heroin ,swooping In to save me from my ownself

Heroine

see the detox ain’t easy see I said

I was leaving

but the words Are never dry

and the tears are endless on

a white page

see I keep running from the pain finding a new distraction

fall in love with the next attraction

cause can’t confront the issues cause ain’t gotta enough tissues

I know you heard I been fine but

thats only when i am drowning in wine

these responsibility‘s be

weighing me

down down

i get tired of all the pretending

all the suicidals smiles

what the fuck is patience anymore

been waiting

around for my death date

i gave my demons name

see they started to become the only type of friends that get me

see it ain’t fault I am inlove with self destruction

told you I was the combustion of the galaxy

But yah I am still here

my life became too many people solar systems

that shit

get draining

i know it’s good to know

that I am an will always be here

But Who gonna be there

when I need help to face my fears

or when the dark is near

see people selfish

They Only invest in their own wellness

see they ain’t down for you as they say you are

walk in miles in my shoe

they that’s too far

sure as hell get the live news on your scar

see they ready like vultures

at your falls

standing tall

hehe behind the wall

and under their breath

wish you well

all in same breath muddle well and hell

But even the serpent sounded sweet

in the ears of eve

see she wanted to be bound to be like god

see these are the people you watch for the people who want to be you but can’t

See they chant

Sound like

Graduitide

but it’s all in the base of their

voice

attitude

see they down for you

when your down

talk behind your back

like it’s job

more like their hob

abbreviate bullshit

cause it less offensive

See the clean up is less expensive

kill a friendship

there ain’t no blood shed

See they eat up your bread

treat you like u a bed and breakfast

then act like they got the audacity

To get jealous cause you don’t wanna hang anymore

see they lIke to get zealous

and preach they problems on social media

i am getting too old for this

see , grown folks acting like children

see I swear people get dumber

see tv killed the radio star

see they stuck in likes

thats how you know they morals ain’t right

everybody ready to fight

with they fingers

but not they fist

everbody faking it for tHe views

Light a fues

long as it don’t create a bruise

the mentality of this world

Gonna have them going underworld

See everbody overdoseing

cause reality hard

but they ain’t been through anything

everbody blaming everything on the anixeity

talking about I am bipolar

shit they don’t know about them real highs and lows

don’t even understand what it means to be emotional unstable

they don’t know what it feels like to be drowning when you ain’t even in water

See you can get on your knees to the father

but they don’t get you much farther

see I falter

on the steps to the steeple

Cause I don’t if I wanna die

or cry

too things I can’t do

cause I don’t even know if I am enamord by my misery

see I delve into myself like I am a bible

See I carve into myself

and sculpt my best self from marble

cause even gods glitter

in the darkness

see I am the queen of my own hell

see like a queen I be selfless for my kingdom

but the throne get tiring

when it feels you the only one fighting

See I stay true

don’t mean I don’t sniff out the clues

give people what they give you back

be selfish

cause if u don’t spoil your self who will

Enjoy the thrill

and just chill

cause life too short for it to better

so munch on that cheddar

cause you worked hard to get where you are today

you are your own

b-efore

a-nybody

e-lse

burn bridges , cause I don’t wanna tread were the devil walked

he's a bad man

he's a bad man

see got so lonely I forgot my worth

met yah back in september

don't you remeber

people hurt you

when you least

expect it

they talk shit

and they become afraid when you learn to write

and turn the pen into a boxing glove

and land it where it hit

baby it was the weakness in your heart

that was gonna be your downfall

see I warned you

play

with fire

you gonna get burned

see I find myself

creative in the chaos

see I held this tongue

now it's time to pull all serects out from under this rug

see I said I let it go

but how do I recover from all the wounds

that you created

see I painetly waited

for the right time

to committ this crime

wreck your repuation

you ain't gonna need a transaltion

for this write

this is about my libration

see my heart

still loyal to you

see I swallow the truth

cause I am afraid

what will unravel

if I let my skin

show through

cause even sercets have a cost

and lies get lost

inbetween context

see I ain't afraid of what comes next

ain't afraid to bloody up my name

see I ain't never been about chasing fame

see never pretened to be a dame

you come for this lion's mame

I come for that name

this is not game

see I am the devil dressed in prada

you can call me karma

might wanna call your mama

see you created this drama

you aint gonna recover from this trauma

never been a fraud

I admit that I am flawed

I tried to stop myself from being a savage

but i gotta go in and cause this damage

see they lies we tell in the stroke of midnight

all come to light

sometimes you gotta burn bridges you don't wish you tread

don't worry put that respect on my last name and give me my cred

if you gonna run around saintly

i mean statanly

cause your father is liar

and your brother must be judas

cause betrayal runs in the family

see I ain't from some hoboken town hinkley

i use my freedom of speech freely

see I tried that kill em with compassion

but I gotta do that catwalk down your repuation

and kill you in fashion

cause I can't let it go

if I don't address it

see you blamed me for your own mistakes

laugh in my face

when the tears where real

telling me I am the reason why I make the hard times harder

see this is the type of anger that make me wanna kill

see I can't that help I feel

see I loved you

I put that shit in past tense

cause the love has died

see you went ahead and lied

back in december the feelings hit and then you cried

saying you never meant to hurt me

had me out here almost committing sucide

see you got in my head

Nigga I wanted to be dead

everything you ever told me was a lie

I just wanna die

you out here blaming me for your life

you lied and never told me she was still your wife

you said ya'll divorced

yeah right of course

you got me paranoid

trying every ophiod

cause I just needed to feel this void

see she played me too

calling me up calling me boo

pretened to be my friend

just so she could closer to you

I had no idea she was your wife

but then I put to together

ya'll story added up like 2+2

see I was already over you

then I met him

acidenctly

trusted her on a whim

told her about me and him

let's for the sake of lillabilty and call him tim

see

I mean C

you came back again

hear I am going for a swim

in my own tears

had to face my fears

I lost him

she went to run her mouth like the town squire

and tell him

see what the fuck is privacy anymore

see she entered my inbox to found out what type of whore

I mean chore , her husband was doing

see you don't understand

I loved him

he didn't love me

lead me on

cause it was fun

he loved to call me hun

he knew I do anything he asked

hurt me

and watch me bleed

see I kept our creed

friendship

stayed in a zone

let my soul be pulled apart

by his mockery

listened to him talk about another woman

but if i dared moved on

he came back

like the flu

the signs

were undeniable

then blame me when things fell through

but I was there , cleaning up the ruins

you broke my heart , and i helped you break another

that is where my shame only comes from

see I tried to understand people

before I tear them to shreds

see I stayed up allnight

listening to how she met him and how they fell in love

and why she enterned my inbox and became my friend

see ain't never been a thot

bitch you thought

you knew me

then

like I said in the end

you'll lose the only person that ever truly cared about you in the end of this conversation

I should give you a standing ovation

for that 6 month performance

of pretending to be someone your not

see we all emotional leak

when we become emotional attached

you can't play a player

I wish people would realize that

it's a well known fact

you can't outsmart me

see It didnt take to long

for me to know

she was his wife

and the roomie he spoke about

see my pride

is my top priorty

see my lips are skilled in the art oratority

see loose lips sink ships

should have been careful

your lies have lose ends

see your teacher honey

taught you a perfect 90 degree angle into her painties

but this lesson you might want to stay awhile ,

I told you , your gonna regret the day you hurt me

he's a bad man

he's a bad man

I prayed to the lord

he reveal what his truth is

I ain't sorry

for causing hell

I am sorry , I let myself get hurt

looking at my watch

its about time , I let you go

and the past

I park in the past

and drive to the present ................

see this is the past , i been running from , cause sometimes the heart wants what it wants even if kills me

so I bleed on this page

to let you know i putting past behind

and i am trying to love you , but baggage keep following after me and you

cause the devil trying to burn this house down

see I told you don't cross

you loving a murder scence

my heart been in pieces

and you can't heal this one .........................

Sincerly , Tyla

#bloody moves #sorry not sorry # had to destroy yah # move on to the present

I tried to forgive

I tried to love you without cautions

took down the tape

see I stopped acting like I am not a crime scene

I took off the bullet proof chest

and gave you the gun

took it off safety

cause we argeed we could trust each other not to hurt each other

get to close , we pull the rope tighter around each other

neck , were a see-saw

we run through the highs and lows

picking apart

old wounds

creating scars

we been through hell

but the burns are still hot

old self vanished

cut the thorns off this rose

cause I hate the sight of blood

see I tried to let of go the past

but it keep chasing us

I tried to forgive myself

you say , the past doesn’t matter

I try to tell you boy I am crazy as the mad hatter

your the one who handed me a gun , expect me to not to aim

sometimes the greatest enemy is ourself

I could take theese nails , and carve out my brains

and you would still love me

see we stuck in these four walls

caving into us

trying to break us apart

the world’s weight hovering over our shoulders

sometimes it feel like , the universe telling us

we ain’t mean to be

Man down

wouldn’t find another

won’t let you suffer

see I feel your heart flutter

lights off

lights on

making love

cause that’s the only we can do to turn down theese demons

we got all these obstacles

I put that weight in your heart

I tear your room apart

flip your world inside and out

walk upside down

just to reach you

walk across water

ain’t even close to jesus

you walk through hell

to be next to me

you love me , even though it hurts you

see if the past

didn’t come creep up on us

we could be happy

we too demons madly in love

we fell from earth

we ain’t holy enough to rest in heaven

see we found solace in the discomfort of pain

they say to let this go

they say we chasing infinty

maybe we got that forever love

ripped out my heart

tried to use my heartless

then you go again

perform cpr

until I come back to you

moan into your mouth

and parched lips

gulping your air

merged into you

became unmoveable in your mountains

go ahead and hurted you

start playing with the trigger

cause the voice’s got too loud

I know when I hurt me , I hurt you

Man down , I tried to stop the bleeding

and my hands kept figdeting around the hole

those blue eyes could swallow oceans

see these brown eyes are darker enough to bury souls

forgive my temper

I cock this gun so quick

my mind armed like a soilder

I got to protect the only thing left human in me

held me under

the atmosphere

love sounds really good

but they forget to mention

it is the only thing close’s to death

maybe were afraid of dying

by the hand of each other

we circle around each other

like were in battle

see we know cupid

got us fucked up

man down

we too late

from stopping the damage

we ain’t happy

we will keep eating paint chips

until we drink each other

fill each other memories

with the taste of us

cause even the darkest hour

the truth shudders

through the walls

we in this too deep

see we grew into a tree

fighting for oxygen

trying to let this heart stay open for you

holding out for us

we working through this bullshit

but this foundation of ours

is cracking under all theese hits

see we built a world

where the sun don’t shine

cause according to god

even good people

sin

and the evil men win

see we stiched smiles to are face

and we keep saying we okay

and yelling at each other

saying we need space

we keep leaving the door open just in case

see all we ever do is chase

each other

laugh it off

like the

only reason

I care

cause your like a brother

but you know after you there can’t be another

see I treat you like you was mine own

cheer you on like I am your mother

see I replay theese messages on my phone

I know we better off on our own

deep down

we out here acting like a clown

wearing a frown

we our are not afraid to drown

see we not afraid of being alone

see we are afraid of what happens

when we grown

will we get old

and forget about the stories we told

and the sercerts we kept .......,

see I could tell you the truth , but I rather stay on this throne

and not crack this crown

sincerly , Tyla

H.

O.

L.

Y

She’s a temple

A flinting flame

Shes the church

She’s the steeple

Shes the wavering faith

She s a sunday hymn

She holding a blood-stained cross

She foaming at the mouth with yesterday sins

Shes chasing a holy arrival

She her own type of pagan

A saturday well of whiskey

Stained with midnight regrets

Her mouth her own bottle

She tips to the mouth of a stranger to quite the trembling

Her hands are cups that hold her tears

And keep her head holding high

She sings amen

With hollow smile

And sunken eyes

She whispers sins

In the marble of the church walls

She the worshippers mary

She practice her faith over a bible

She commits her religion

On a righteous

Velvet sheet

And worships

The tomorrow’s

And salutes the moon

Plants her lips

On a funeral

Her madness

Is her quietness

That

Folds around her neck like a noose

And sings a haunting hallejuah

And promioses

To worship his church

She tie hair up in the virginty of christianty

She the humour

She the churches gossip

She the giggle

She the hell everyone was warned about in the scriptures

She the worships the good times

And she bows her head

To glass

And wallows in the

Wine teardrops

That dribble from her chin

Don’t you know damaging eyes

Have a fascination with breaking perfect things

#dark magic #holy scriptures # the church will lie in ruins today #we're all sinners

I am operation

you can’t fix a broken thing

you can’t save a mermaid

I am not afraid of

drowning in my own ocean

you can’t unload the gun

if I am the bullet

I am a Victim by circumstances

Survior by choice

I am the embryo

still growing

outside my enviroment

I was placed in

you can’t abort

a living proof

I am a hyponthesis

you can’t answer an If

I am the haunting

that willows in the wind

do you know trees whistles ?

I am not bothered from the cold

my veins are iced

I am the hands that steady a keyboard

you can’t play a melody ,

that already knows the tune

I am alcohol

you can’t rub a wound that can’t heal

I am the iris’s of the devil

even god’s bleed

when burned by hell

you can’t banish me to hell ,

when I am born to withsand the heat

I am the seasons

you can’t spring me into winter ,

hoping fall into summer

I am the reaper

you can’t kill a dead thing

I am staravation

you can’t make me taste hunger ,

when theese lips only know the scent of blood

I am a child

you can’t steal my innocence ,

when I was born with my eyes wides opened

I am the peach that eve ate

you can’t devor sin unless it is a desire

I am the virgin hands dipped in holy water

you can’t wash away

the blessings of the mary

I am the walls of a church

you can’t bleach stains

that could never heal

I am the equation

you can’t solve

I am a nightmare

you can’t kill a dream ,

if you don’t have them

I am the past

you can’t time travel

I am liar

you can’t tell a lie

I am the anger

you can’t seem

to swallow

I am the quiet

you can’t hear the shadows

I am the stairway to heaven

you can’t reach heaven if u havent walked through hell

I am purgatory

you can’t be safe in fate

I am harriet tubman

you can’t free a slave

I am freedom

you can’t color it red white blue

I am a soilder

you can’t arm

I am a prayer

you can’t pray when no seems

to answer back

I am just

you can’t finish an almost

I am hurt

you can’t make me

bleed

I am human

you can’t be feel

I am a christian

you can’t make me serve

christ

I am swear word

you can’t fill my mouth with soap FUCK

I am the sweetness of jam

you can’t turn me bitter

I am the underground railroad

you can’t find a northstar when the sky is dark

I am a bag of metaphors

you can’t feed me poetry

I am a voicemail

you can’t seem to reach

I am a spirt

you can’t lay a soul to rest

place the pen on the paper and let the ink trickle down the page

see painted a picture to distract you from the meaning

sometimes you have to fall into wonderland

cause even the cheshire cats makes sense , when frowns become upside down smiles

I shed my skin

the petals

fall

ever

so

gliding

across

the

sliver

savior

glistening

glimmering

guilt

sticky red paste

drops

across

this pure page

creating poetry