Carpet
I roll ash between finger and thumb
And grasp at the inevitably shrinking
Blunt end of my Winston Light
As it falls to the floor
Forever losing sight of
What it was
What it is
And what it could have been
Had I not struck a match
And sucked a flame through its core
Listening to the plea it exudes
Nothing but a soft crackle, really
Funny how
I found the end that turns to cinder
The filter would have only melted
But still existed
No, I've degraded it
Defiled it
And haven't even allowed it a resting place
Other than dirty carpet
Filled with the remains
Of so many who came before it
So many I've embedded into these fibers
With the rubber sole of my shoe
Dear Winston
A testament of my purpose here
Coddle with my lips, only to incinerate
Those who began whole and now crumble with my fire
But also a statement of your own
You were made for this
You are a willing participant
Slowly morphing me black and graveled
I will revel in every second
Of your filth
Soiling the crevices of my fingertips
Then I will lick them clean and start again
escorted out of life
It's all a matter of preference.
You're yelling. I don't understand
The rage. But I'm standing still
Non combative. I'm shaking my head and standing still.
Smack my face.
Pound your fists info my chest.
Scream until I cry. We can stand here
All night
No begging. No screams.
Turn my back and walk away
The Darkness
I will never understand those kind of people who are afraid of darkness.
Since I was younger I loved sitting alone in the dark where I could forget about everything that happened that day.
In darkness I find comfort. In darkness I find safety. Because the lack of light makes it hard to define the thing around you. Everything just fades away and you are no longer in the reality.
You can't see anything in the dark. I can't see the things around me, the people and everything that makes me feel like this.
When I sit in darkness I get away from the reality. I can't see it so it's not there. It's my shelter.
Darkness and loneliness will always be my friends.
Only there I feel like I'm in control.
Only there I can imagine my life the way I want it to be.
Only the darkness can comfort me.
wounds
Being with you was like walking on shards of glass.
When I fell for you they dug into my shoulders, into my hands and back, but I was still numb from your kiss.
Your touch was pain medication, your love a drug,
But the ache of the razors under my skin still shot through my nerves.
Pulling away from you was like ripping a page out of an old notebook,
The frayed edges still remained and the gap in the writing could never be perfectly fixed.
It has been years since we last spoke, but I still remember how your voice rivaled a songbird,
How your arms wrapped around me until I felt better.
Your touch was pain medication, your love a drug,
And without you, the pain hasn't gone.
