Peace under Forest Leaves
Something rots under leaves of the forest ground,
still, quiet, and peacefully pained.
Forgotten and pitied, but still earthbound,
not yet able to fly away.
Nothing’s calmer than the forest breeze,
unnerving comfort for lost minds alike.
Why must you stay, what must you appease,
to curse yourself with eternal sight.
In silence a man talks of a woman’s song
floating gently around the trees.
A voice so sweet was inevitably lost,
living on only in memories.
Love in the forest warps to a bitter truth,
one that stays amid the decay.
One that reminds of his hopeful youth
and all that’s left today.
A man rots alone under leaves of the forest ground,
wondering what it was that kept him there.
Existence forgotten, yet he’s still earthbound,
left with only his longful stare.
Murdering three
I was nine years old when I murdered my friend, Nessie.
She had died fast, her body thrashing on the ground. I stared, awestruck. The only sadness I’d felt was when it was over. Destructive me.
I was ten years old when I killed Finley. He died the same way as Nessie, his body thrashing on the ground, squirming. It was a really interesting sight. And I've kept it a secret, because I'm pretty sure no one would have liked to hear that I had killed two of my good friends.
Finley and Nessie are buried together. I didn’t have that much space for them, because they were... well, they were really big. I used a shovel to sink them into the ground, and then I prayed for them.
I did the same thing when I was eleven to my other friend, Feefee. She died the same way, and I began getting bored of killing. I went out to bury Feefee that day, but then, my dad my stepped outside.
“Athena, will you take out the gar-” he’d started to say, then stopped when he saw me. His eyes grew big.
I was dragging Feefee out onto the lawn. My dad’s eyes grew even larger, if that was even possible, and his eyebrows bended over so much that they crossed. He looked ready to choke, and I couldn’t blame him. Dragging something takes a lot of effort.
“What is that your carrying?” He asked, his eyes now bulging out of his head. He closed his eyes. “Oh God, tell me I’m dreaming, tell me this isn’t real.”
He told me I had a lot to explain. And I did, later. I told him about Nessie, Finley, and Feefee.
Nessie, Finley, and Feefee.
In my life, I’ve murdered three.
Fish.
___________________________________________________________________
Am I a real girl now?
It takes me 20 minutes
to wash my face every night
1. Benzoyl Peroxide
2. Tretinoin
3. Clindamycin
4. Moisturizer
5. Lip balm
Am I a real girl now?
I spent 2 hours
learning provocative dances
because boys like that shit
and a boyfriend is
step 1 to fitting in
Am I a real girl now?
I went skiing
and on the lift
I complained about the cold
and my skin
and how fat my jacket made me look
Am I a real girl now?
I choked down
half a teaspoon of vinegar
to speed up my metabolism
because that's what models do
Am I a real girl now?
I look at my phone
and pretend someone's texting me
(when I'm really just playing word games)
Am I a real girl now?
I giggle
and used the words 'like' and
'hot' as much as possible
Am I a real girl now?
I heard you trash talk our friend
to a stranger
and I turned away
and kept on smiling
knowing I've been that friend before
Am I a real girl now?
Now my waist is the size of a toothpick?
And my sentences all start with 'sorry'?
Am I a real girl now?
Crankshaft
Disconnecting the call and then stopping her Lamborghini, she came out of the car. She could see him approaching towards her.
She : Are you kidding me? Why are you here when you should be attending your own freaking wedding?
He : I’m here for you.
She : Why? Are you scared that I’ll kill myself just because you are getting married?
He : No...you’ll kill yourself just because you’re upset.
She rolled her eyes at the truth and tried to find something to get back at him by looking far away.
She : And you think your marriage will upset me? Seriously?
He : No, your getting upset is in no way related to me. You’re upset because of the confusion you’re stuck in.
Her breath was getting shallow. She remembered all the time they had spent together and was amazed at his power of taking notes. How can he so easily state the reasons when I’m struggling to find the answers, thats what she was thinking at his every reply. But he was behind her dilemma or maybe she was complicating it. Getting herself together she went on.
She : Why do you think that I’ve feelings for you? How many more times do I have to tell you that I don’t love you?
He started to walk towards her while she tried to be numb. No emotions whatsoever, she repeated to herself. She hated how he came this close to her without making her feel offended at his breaking the walls she had created. It felt like he kindly put those bricks away and not smashed them down. Stiffly she stood and he silently whispered.
He : The soul controls the body....
What the ...? He read my post last midnight! He still checks them? Or maybe he was just missing me?...Missing me?!
He ( continuing ) : ... And your eyes that are changing directions more than there are routes in this city, your breath that is flickering like a burning candle, your hands that are shivering like the Sun went cold, your heart that is pounding fast like the engines of the cars we drove that night, every single thing, your whole body is telling me the exact opposite. That you love me.
She stepped back. How badly she wanted to praise those lines but couldn’t. She took a deep look at him, how he had changed from hating literature to this. Spending time with others really change them.
She had now given up. No good comeback was coming into her mind.
She : Leave. Now.
He : You sure you don’t want me to stay?
She : Sure as the truth that I don’t love you.
He smiled as he sighed. He knew fully how unsure she can be and how much pain that could cause her. In order for her to feel the calm, he had no other choice but to leave.
He : Alright!
She was going to take a deep breath but it stopped when he turned back.
He : You know that your windows are not soundproof , right?
She (confused) : Yeah ... But why?
He : Because if I hear you playing ‘Mirror’ or your screams of rage that you have imposed on yourself then I’ll come back.
This made her turn down the volume of the song that was playing in her head and silenced the screams of her body that would soon come out banging on the steering wheel.
But at the same time she wanted to play that song on repeat and open up her body so that he could see those screams. Pathetically confused she was.
He : Last thing... You deny that you love me but you do know that I love you, right? That its you who I want to die with? Its you who I want to talk to every time I breath. Hold you so that you’ll never fall. Create love as if there’s nothing in the world but us. That I’d give my everything to be the best husband, best father, best friend and your lover for the rest of my life. That even if you die, I’ll catch up with you in heaven the very next day. You do know that I love you even when you think that we are not made for each other? As if we are snowflakes and fireballs? But I promise you that I’d still love you, that I’d still keep the bond strong even if we were light years away. You do know that I love you, right?
Her eyes reflected the tears in his eyes.
She had no idea what to answer him.
×∞ Adin
30 July 2020
A Child’s Innocent Dream
I remember the days of my childhood. Sunkissed skin, riding tricycles with the neighborhood kids, watching TV until it was time to go to bed. Sweet innocence. Blissful ignorance.
My parents raised me in a loving family, teaching me right from wrong, so I always assumed that everyone was taught the same. I mean I was only a child, who else was I to believe if not my parents? And so I always assumed that all people were good at heart and everyone was equal to one another. Because if we were all taught the same, then wouldn’t everyone be treated the same?
And with this mentality, I started school.
Being at school and with the people there made me realize that not all people were taught the same as me. That not all people thought the same way as I did. It was that moment when my innocent childhood fantasies were discarded with the weight of reality. Because people saw me differently for the shape of my eyes, the color of my skin, and the backgrounds of my parents.
As a child, I just went about my days blindly, not once acknowledging the things happening around me. But as I started to grow up I started noticing the glances, the whispers as I walked, the pointing. Have people always been like this?
Simply put, it's like this:
Have you ever looked at someone differently because of their appearance? Have you ever made an incorrect judgement about someone because of how they looked and dressed?
You probably have, right?
Now, I guess the real question here would be: Have you ever had the same thing done to you?
Have you ever gone to pay at a store and have the cashier look at you in disdain? Have you ever heard false rumors about you simply because you looked the way you did? Have you ever come back home to thoughts of the way people looked at you distastefully? Have you ever been categorized into a section because of the way you dressed, looked, or acted?
Not all of you would be able to say yes now, huh?
Why is that? Why are some people judged and others aren’t?
Is it because some people are better than others? Is it because a race is superior to another? Is it because the way we act doesn’t matter when it comes to the color of our skin?
How I wish that weren’t true.
If someone had stood up for me when I was a child would things have been different? Would I have been more confident with who I am? Even my parents brushed it off when I told them, telling me that that’s just the way the world is and that I had to accept it. How I wish I fought back, telling them that the world shouldn't have to be like this. Instead, I began to feel ashamed for the way I looked. It shouldn’t have come to that, especially for a child.
Because over the years, I did the best I could to fit in with others. I listened to the same music, I wore the same brand of clothing, I did everything they did. And yet, there was something about me that just made me different. Something that no amount of fitting in could ever change. Because I didn’t look the same as them. Even with all the stuff I piled on myself.
And that was all it took for me to be branded as different.
I want that innocent childhood back, where it was assumed that everyone was equal, that the way we looked didn’t matter. But, of course, that’s why they’re only a child’s innocent dream.
As you grow older, it becomes harder and harder to ignore the things said about you. And even worse than that, it becomes harder to keep those same judgements about others out of your head. Because this is the society we live in, where people are constantly judging others by appearances or status, but never by who they are as a person.
But what if that changed?
Because wouldn’t it be great if we could all laugh at the same joke without feeling like we don’t belong? Or be able to walk into a store without ever feeling out of place? Or be able to live in a world that respected everyone equally?
A world where a child’s innocent dream wasn’t just something for children. Where these childhood fantasies of everyone being equal were true. A world where future generations didn’t have to worry about the color of their skin or the shape of their eyes or the way they looked.
Wouldn’t that be great?
To live in a world where your children are treated the same as everyone else. Where you never had to worry about your children being mistreated or bullied or abused by others. A world where you could live differently from the one of your adolescent years.
It doesn’t have to be a child's innocent dream. We can make it happen together. If we all just changed our outlook on what our society thinks is "the perfect person" and stopped listening to the automatic judgements we make based on a person's appearance, then that would make all the difference. It all changes with the way people look at things. And it only takes one person to start that change.
Will you be that one person?
After all, as Mother Teresa put it, “I alone can’t change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” If we could just be that one stone to create the ripples, everyone would be equal together.
No longer would children have to wish they had someone to stand up for them. No longer would our fantasies of equality just remain fantasies. No longer would we have to be ashamed for the way we are.
All it takes is one person. One change of view.
Let’s change the way we look at things, going back to the days of our youth where everyone was equal. For ourselves, for the children of the future, for the world.
And if you can’t, then at the very least, hate everyone equally.
Prima Facie
I no longer walk
between the timbered valleys
but flew atop,
pulling up,
away from chaos and catastrophe.
Big things appear smaller,
Up there, I see tons.
Roads started in two
And ended in one.
Genesis of cars
Now trapped
in gaps of old rocks
paper cutting through bones.
As if hope
washed away with petrichor alone--
“Almost there.
You’re just unaware,” says I.
Albeit words condensed into raindrops,
cars moving back to two.
My wings melted
Like the soil after the storm.
Nevermind the fall---
Getting trapped,
In darkest hour
Without holes.
They’re just fearful regret,
Nevermind the tacks;
Nevermind the splinters.
Rocks,
And burned bridges.
They’re just front-threat
But mind around the corner
Was that end
You just can’t see, yet.
