One day as I took a stroll, I saw a stranger. They had eyes bright enough to pierce a soul; in fact, I think those eyes spoke to me because I stopped for a chat.

My name is Universe. Can I do anything for you?

Do I know you?

No, but I have known you since the stars were formed in the sky.

Am I the only one who can see you?

For now, yes ma'am.

Does this mean I could ask you anything and you will have the answers?

Ask me anything and find out.

What is my deepest fear?

You are afraid of failing those you care about, my dear.

Damn, you are good. Are there any topics you are unsure of the answer?

I am unsure of love. This is a complicated term humans invented with many possible answers. Questions involving love are most complex.

So if I asked you who I am supposed to be with or who I will marry, you don't know the answer?

From my understandings of love and human emotions, I could try guessing based on current people in your life or people you may meet in the future. Is that what you would like to know?

Yes, please. I’m confused and struggling right now. It could help me get rid of some toxic people.

This may or may not be what you want to hear. The one who will love you as fiercely as you love them is already in your life. They are kind, smart, humorous, honest, and driven.

Do I know them well?

Yes, my dear, you do. You’ve known this person. It feels like you have known them your entire life.

Have they hurt me?

They have and will continue to do so. Yet, their love for you outweighs the hurt they have caused and will cause.

Why would I want to be with someone who has hurt me?

Everyone will hurt you at some point. You can’t go on believing people are as good as you are. You have a heart made of the finest intentions. You are a rarity, hon.

~And with that, Universe disappeared. I haven’t seen them since. I also haven’t figured out who they were meaning when they told me who will love me. Maybe they meant me. I guess it’s true what they say, the Universe will guide you to where you need to be in life. See you around, Universe.

It’s your birthday tomorrow. You would have been turning twenty years old. Joe Biden gave a eulogy for John McCain and said, “I promise you, I promise you, there will be a time when a smile rather than a tear comes first in recalling your departed loved one.” Some days I am there and others I am nowhere near being alright with your death. It is so hard to explain to people when I say how badly it hurt me when you died. They do not understand how hard it is to lose someone you loved but never got the chance to show that love. They do not understand the pain it causes me every day knowing I still had feelings for you when you passed. It’s hard to even call you a loved one when saying you died because I loved you but technically you are not my loved one. I usually say one of my close friends died or my “sort of” ex died or something along those lines. I have an entire playlist of music dedicated to you and everything I ever felt for you. I wish you were here to share my taste in music like you used to. Some days I hear a song and want to show it to you but I can’t. I know I shouldn’t be jealous of how much Belle gets to show her love for you because she knew you longer and probably knew you better, but I am entirely jealous. I wish I could show the world I loved you just as much as her. I wanted ya to be together so much. I knew somehow we would be good together. Did I ruin what we had? Did you feel the same? Was I wrong with what I was feeling? All these questions and more run through my head whenever I think of you. I need you here just to talk sometimes. I need you as my best friend. I need you as my greatest love. I wanna talk to you about all these stupid guys. I want to hear your voice and your laugh. I want to hold your hand. I want to hug you again. I want to smell you again. I want to see those sparkling blue eyes smiling at me. I want you to be a dork playing cards with me and my family again. I want to drive in your truck with the music up too loud. I want to hear you telling me stupid and corny pickup lines to make me laugh. I want you to tell me it'll all buff out, it always does because I need to hear it now. Do you ever hear me cry out your name in my sleep at night? Do you see the tears slip down my cheeks when I'm dreaming of you? Do you know how hard it is to love someone you cannot love and have others competing with an angel for my love? I want to love someone else so bad, but I'm afraid it'll take my love away from you. I do not want to forget you. I do not want to stop loving you. I know people would tell me "you will always love him, but he would want you to love someone else." Yet, I still yearn for you because I was never able to love you. #NeededtoSayThis #ThereWillBeMore

When I lost you and the future I saw for us, I stopped seeing the future I wanted for myself. I couldn't see anything in my future anymore. Then, when I completely lost you, and you left me for Heaven, the piece I loved about myself completely disappeared. I'm so lost without you in my life. I don't know how to find my good heart or find myself or find love. I'm looking for you in the people I try to love, but that's not going to happen because you're dead and gone. No one can ever replace you so why am I trying? I see no one in my future. No one could love a person as broken as me.

I had an angel,

But he had to fly away.

I still need him so...

A beautiful heart

Shines gloriously on me.

I miss your gold heart...

You flew so high up

I lost you in the great clouds.

Where did my love go?

I'm stuck on the ground,

A crucial part of me gone.

My heart needs your soul.

You are everything.

If I could resurrect you,

You'd never leave again.

My love, an angel.

Why's your love so far from me?

I can't feel you here.

I need you love, Babe.

I need your beautiful heart.

I've lost all feeling...

I don't write, but when I do, the words flow from my brain like waves when the tide rushes in. I'm writing a short essay about how I don't write. How ironic. I don't write, yet sometimes I do. Specifically, I want to edit the beautiful words others string together to form magnificent works of art. Someday, I hope to be a book editor at a company like Simon & Schuster. So here I am, starting my life at a four year university, majoring in English because I have no idea how to become a book editor. Reading books, for me, is like seeing through someone else's eyes for a little while. I see their world, their friends, and their life. I feel what the characters feel. I find myself calling out to them, "Don't do it!" or saying, "I know exactly how you feel." I don't write, but when I do, it's usually a form of poetry or simply free verse. If you'd like to read something I've written, here is a poem I wrote this year when my best friend was killed in a car accident on New Year's Day titled "Goner": "All I feel is the warmth of your body, but that has been replaced with an icy sting.

All I can see is your beautiful smile, but now it's gone.

All I can imagine are your bright blue eyes, but now their light is out.

All I can hear is your laughter, but now it has faded away.

All I can smell is you, but that has been replaced with the stench of death.

How can such a beautiful soul be gone so soon?

So many promises made.

Now, I guess they will have to wait.

So many things left unspoken.

So many hearts are broken.

So much pain and loss.

My stomach feels like it's going to toss.

I can't fathom I'll never see your beautiful smile, bright eyes, hear your contagious laughter, feel your warmth, or smell the rich scent of you again.

You're gone, and I guess that makes me a goner too.

You took part of my heart with you when you left.

I felt it take flight the minute they said you were gone.

So I'm a goner, just like you."

Most of my writing ends up coming through when my emotions are heightened. His death sparked some writing in me, but after I realized he was actually never coming back, I knew what I had lost. I had lost my inspiration, my best friend, my love, and my balance. Therefore, the second time I tried to write after his death, nothing would come. This is how far I got on a poem titled "The Sparkle": "Sparkles come in many different forms. On a tiara. Or nail polish. A wedding ring. A pair of shoes. A leather chair. The glare on glass. The raindrops on my window. The tears streaming down my face because the bright eyes I once knew have lost their sparkle.

You had a magnificent, blue sparkle in your eyes. A sparkle I'd never seen before, and that's how I knew you were the one for me."

If you couldn't tell, I don't write. But when I do, my writing becomes magic. Thank you for your time in reading this essay with some poetry!

Sparkles come in many different forms. On a tiara. Or nail polish. A wedding ring. A pair of shoes. A leather chair. The glare on glass. The raindrops on my window. The tears streaming down my face because the bright eyes I once knew have lost their sparkle.

You had a magnificent, blue sparkle in your eyes. A sparkle I'd never seen before, and that's how I knew you were the one for me.

All I feel is the warmth of your body, but that has been replaced with an icy sting. All I can see is your beautiful smile, but now it's gone. All I can imagine are your bright blue eyes, but now their light is out. All I can hear is your laughter, but now it has faded away. All I can smell is you, but that has been replaced with the stench of death.

How can such a beautiful soul be gone already?

So many promises made.

Now, I guess they will have to wait.

So many things left unspoken.

So many hearts are broken.

So much pain and loss.

My stomach feels like it's going to toss.

I can't believe I'll never see your beautiful smile, bright eyes, hear your contagious laughter, feel your warmth, or smell the rich scent of you again.

You're gone, and I guess that makes me a goner too.

You took part of my heart with you when you left.

I felt it leave me the minute they said you were gone.

So I'm a goner, just like you.