How do you forgive someone you hate?

Devastation yawns like a great, gasping pit in my chest.

My head aches, but it's better than heartache which I'm also inexplicably stricken with for a lifetime.

I blame you- so I try to break your every heart beat.

I loathe me, so I soothe with deep cuts and remember every horrible thing I've done,

anticipating every bad dream before it happens.

A psychic for psyche dysfunction. An unholy union, my heart and mind.

Constantly warring- neither winning, leaving the other side bedraggled and begrudging.

She punctured me from out of glass

Without intent as she strode passed

We broke the barriers of class...

The mask society permits...

To gaze into her windswept eyes...

So hungry and unsupervised...

How many of us still survive

Bouncing upon this rustic plane?...

With judgements quashing liquid hearts...

And pointed views like traffic cones...

It's easier to close the door

Where yowls mutate and turn to roars...

I see her digging through the trash...

This angel from another sphere...

The broadcast she keys in is vast...

Her shirt in shreds, as she draws near...

Ebony skin so dark and deep...

I'll see her when I go to sleep..

She floats over the concrete slabs...

Where shooting stars go flying past...

Bold advertising overhead

Will paint a world unequal to

The broken sequins from the chain

That someone dispelled in the rain...

To gaze into her windswept eyes...

So hungry and unsupervised...

How many of us still survive

Bouncing upon this rustic plane?....

They're closing books on human rights...

Decks are stacked, the lines extend...

Now more than ever, I'll need a friend

To gaze into my homeless eyes...

If you have something left to give...

If you're susceptible, and raw...

If you resist the claw machine

You'll find me dancing by the stream...

Maybe tonight when moonbeams spill

Our sights will lock and without words

We'll shed our chains, the flood within

Will draw us spinning out our skins...

Bunny Villaire

5/6/24

Edit #4

i found a robin's egg cracked open on the sidewalk

ants carried away the pieces of the shell to

wherever broken things go

the not-quite formed body of the unborn bird lay

on the ground, covered in ants.

i knelt, examining the scene before me as a sadness rippled

through my chest and into my stomach

i wonder if i had fallen when i was twelve

would the ants have carried me off to

wherever broken things go?

I was on the phone today with a really lovely client, I had fun talking with him. He had so many stories to tell. He’s an old chap, but his wife has dementia. He gave me an advise which I know I’ll take to heart. I don’t know what he looks like, or what he’s like, but he sounds like a blessing and I know they lived a good life. I would like to share it will you all as I felt how he truly loved his wife, and how important it is to treasure every second you have with your loved ones because we never know when they would lose their memory and not remember you at all. My heart broke for this wonderful man, but I felt like he was still contented with how they are now and he sounds happy.

This is not the exact verbatim, but here’s what he said:

“When you marry, what you miss most when you’re old and not together anymore, is hearing the little things. Say, you’re having a cup of tea with your wife, it’s a normal routine for both of you but once it’s not, it’s like a big hole in your heart, and you wish she was there again with you, creating memories and doing the same routine. We’ve been together for 57 years and she’s been my companion for everything, and when I visited her the other day, she kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tight - which she hasn’t done for a long time now. She still gives me the tingles, you know? Because now, when you tell her something, she will forget it 10 mins later. So I realized, you have to put more effort into your thoughts and what you’re actually doing. When you get to stage about starting to worry about a matter, the only thing that matters is now. Enjoy that cup of tea you’re having, enjoy the small talks, enjoy the way she smiled at you. You will need it when you grow older, when memories are all you have. We’re not together, but I still hear her in my heart. We’re still together by heart.”

I express myself through writing

To escape anger and fighting.

A world of my own

I stand on my thrown.