I have so many thoughts rushing through my mind

So much to say yet

No words to write down

All seem to damn hard to find

My demons stop me from expressing myself

My angels must be busy helping someone else

I need to get these feelings and thoughts out of my head

I don't know how to tell you what I need and what I dread

Finding a way to push away this writers block

It's to hard

To depressing

I give up

I've stopped!

I made You promises a thousand times

I tried to hear from Heaven

But I talked the whole time

I think I made You too small

I never feared You at all No

If You touched my face would I know You?

Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

So What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

So What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I am broken and tired from the mountain of life I have treked upon

The road is rocky and the end is fatal

My bones have withered

And my heart is brittled

I have aged

My eyes have gone gray

My fingers have curved into the soil

And implanted my soul at the end of the line

I gave out

And sink into the shame

And I scream out Help

I couldnt walk this mountain anymore

So I take a deep breath

And etch my headstone

And write my script

I was so strong

But I couldnt swallow the tears anymore

I couldnt cry even if i wanted to cry

Because I was saving my last tears for my funeral

Because no one would be able to mourn my death

Because i am the only one who could bear the pain of staying

They all promised they would stay each season

Even the fragile falls

And the winter wills

And the spring songs of rain

And the summer swirls of happiness

But they left each turn of the year

Sometimes even months

They made a home out

Of me

And out they went

In they came

To keep warm

I held them from the storm

But the window of my soul

Couldn't withstand the storm

That was brewing inside of me

I whisper into their ears of magic wishes

Of love and crystallized hope

But I have been ignoring the pain

And stepping up the mountain

I have been ignoring the lump in my chest

I am catching my own sickness

I think its depression again

Here I go again

Plotting my own ending

Cant decide if I am going to imagine this one

Or make it a reality

I did everything right

I igorned the thoughts

But when the night comes

And overshadows my

Shadow

The monsters of the night

Come out and prowl

Of my insecurityies

And jingle chains

And toss me food to chomp on my own bile

Of me

Knowing that I am hungry

To munch on the pain

To try get me to reason

Why I struggle

Because I deserve it …..

I thought I was happy

Because i had friends who cared

But they all left

When the frown apppeared……

when you're fifteen

you're going to hurt

you're going to cry

you're going to be happy

when you're fifteen

you'll be told many things

you'll be blamed for some

you may have started the others

when you're fifteen

you'll get new opportunities

you'll become your own being

you'll realize what you're worth

when you're fifteen

you'll move on

you'll start something new

you'll reminisce about the past

when you're fifteen

you'll make it through

to sixteen

letting go

is a knife in the lungs

punctured, i’m breathing out

the memories

of us

on our flight

back home,

a stranger in your seat

reminding me

that letting go

is a mercy on the lungs

sutured, i’m breathing out

the memories

of us

and breathing in

the memories

of me.

I drink it in,

Turpentine,

Draining the trees

As each volatile sip

Drowns every dream.

There was once a Limerick yet to be writ,

Humpty Dumpty was put up to do it;

They brought him in piece by piece,

Each saved by his niece from Nice,

His fractured jaw still chomping at the bit.