What is this place?

An endless fog that reaches to the horizon.

This can't be right.

There has to be something more.

I reach out into the abyss, but I feel nothing.

I take a step.

I take another step.

I start running, yet it's all still empty.

I try to scream, but I can't make a sound.

I try to grip my throat, but it's as if nothing is there.

I feel for my face, but somehow I can't find it.

I look down for my hands, but I have none.

I have no torso,

no legs, no feet.

I drop to the ground in desolation.

I am nothing!

Nothing is different. Nothing is changing.

Everything is empty..

Noun | Meaning: Someone who is in love; someone who writes about love.

The amorist writes and dreams for something just out of reach;

the love that is fueled by desire and innocence.

They are unaware of the pain that love brings.

The amorist is naive and welcomes this new passion with open arms.

For once in a lifetime, the amorist feels seen.

For once the amorist’s dreams have become real,

but soon enough they go back to dreams.

The amorist discovers that sometimes dreams are not meant to be,

and that love is rarely everlasting.

The amorist writes for the dream,

the real and unreal, and a love that could’ve been.

Etched into paper are the dreams that could be and the love that will never last.

Anyone who is involved with my life knows that I'm gay. I'm proud of it. It took me years to discover who I was, and even longer to accept it. This is not uncommon for anyone that is a part of the LGBTQIA community. However, what people don't know is how it affected my mental health and my well being. I have talked a bit about this in therapy over the years but not in excess. I believe that most people don't wake up and say, "I hope I'm different that my peers, family and friends". Everyone wants to fit in. I had been out to myself since I was 14 but it took until I was 22 to start telling anyone. This was extremely detrimental to my health. I turned to drugs and alcohol to silence that part of me and it ended up leading me down the road to an attempt on my life.

I fondly look back on this part of my life because it allows me to see where I have come from. Sometimes hitting your personal rock bottom is a good thing. See it as a blessing because once you do, you'll know you can only go up.

Life is a series of peaks and valleys, and some valleys may be lower than others. Enjoy your peaks, but more importantly, learn from your valleys because you may never know who you can become without them.

Dear me,

There are a few things I would like to tell you about us. I know things are hard right now and you are trying to figure out who you are. But don't worry, you will get there any you will be happier than ever. We are finally fully out and living life as our truest selves. There will be some bumps in the road to get here but as long as you keep pushing forward, you will make it.

Now, I know you think it is a waste of time, but you need to take your therapy seriously. Stick it out, I promise it will make a difference. Because you stuck it out, you are now doing something you love and it brings you so much joy and love.

I don't want to give away everything that has happened because the mistakes we make lead us here, to who we are now, and who we will become. It is important to make mistakes in life. Growth comes from mistakes and misfortune.

Just wanted to let you know, you do have a future beyond where you are now, even though it may not seem like it from where you are sitting. We are okay! We are doing well! Keep on pushing through. I promise it is worth it!

Love, me

I see you,

when I close my eyes

you, only you.

You caress my mind

with everlasting serenity.

Now a long day behind

but a new day to come

I see you,

when I close my eyes

you, only you

You are the darkness I see

when my eyes shut tight

You are the quietness

like snow falling in the night

When I close my eyes

I see you, only you.