Laughter. It was what I most remember. We were both children. Playing in the sandbox, laughing when we'd throw snowballs of  sand at one another. I remember birthdays. Times where we would both sit outside the apartment porch and enjoy a slice of cake together while the rest of the children played hide and seek.

When we grew older you would lead me outside to the roof and we would just lay there. Under the twinkling night sky that would glisten and light up our dreams. Dreams about a future where you and I were happy. It was picture perfect. You did not know it back then but I loved you. Did you love me?

I think about crazy summers and our first kiss as we snuck out into the night sky, playing another game of hide and seek with our friends; even if we were too old to play now. You took my hand smiling charmingly leading me with you as we ran. Feeling free and as if the world was ours. And just like that. With only the stars to watch us we kissed. I thought you were happy with me at your side. Where you?...

I think about those times when you would sit quietly beside me and look out into the sky without a word. There was a look in your eyes that squeezed my heart so hard it felt like an old prune. When my hands reached to touch your face you would smile.

I'd missed the signs. I'd missed the signs of you pulling away from me. Pulling away from us; pulling away from life. I could give excuses of work, too much going on, not enough time or care to pay attention. I can't blame you. I know I can't blame myself and yet; as you lay in this hospital bed all I can do is weep at your side.

I can't find the will to leave you and it hurts knowing you would think leaving me was the answer. I don't understand why you wanted to leave this world. But I want you to stay. Leaving me to find your body after an overdose on sleeping pills ;that I did not know you had, it was like a part of me was taken with you in that moment.

I don't know if you'll make it. I don't know if I'll be able to help you. But I will stick by you because I love you. And I will always stand by your side. Love is about taking in the good and the bad. 

"Please. Stay."

My breathing came in quick, rapid gulps. I clawed at the stone floor, at nothing, wanting everything, nothing... I flopped onto my back and stared at the ceiling, at the blinding lights, and I choked on loneliness... Bile rose in my throat, and I forced it back down. I ran my grimy fingers through my hair, and my breath hitched. I wanted warmth, I wanted comfort, I wanted... It didn't matter what I wanted. It was gone, all gone, and how long has it been? Three months? Six years? It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered, nothing... I turned over on my side and stroked the floor. It was stained in blood. How hard had I fought against it? I couldn't remember. I closed my eyes, and I sucked in a labored breath. I needed something. Anything. Something other than the cold gray floor and the same electric lights, the ones I woke up to every day. But really, did I sleep? Could I sleep? It didn't seem like it. I opened my eyes and gazed at the bloodstain. Whose was it? Could it be my mother's? My father's? Or maybe my sister's? Did it even matter? Maybe nothing mattered. Nothing at all... I sat up, every muscle in my body aching. Was my family dead? I stood up shakily, and leaned against the cold cement wall. I pressed my forehead against it and drew in a long breath. Everything... Was... Fine. I forced my gaze over to my left, and heaved. Bodies... Dead bodies. My family. I felt bile rise in my throat again, but this time I didn't force it down. I sunk to the ground. Why hadn't I noticed their rotting corpses? I crawled over to them. Human flesh... How long had it been since I had felt human flesh? I stroked my sister's hand. Cold. I threw up my head and wailed into the everlasting silence. No. No. I grabbed my mother's arm. Limp. I screamed, and, in desperation, grabbed my father. His blank eyes stared back at me. I threw him against the wall, and crumpled to the ground, pressing against my mother. I needed something living. Warm skin. Eyes that saw me. I clawed at my mother and sister, sobbing. "Come back! Get up!" They didn't. They lay there, unseeing, unfeeling. Dead.