Measures Of Affection
“Baby please, hold me for a few more minutes”
“I have to go”
“Please baby!”
“Sorry I gotta go”
It wasn’t often she asked her to hold her a few minutes longer.
Then one day she stopped asking. The love of her life never even noticed, never cared.
One night after a huge verbal fight, she waited until her lover was asleep, looked at her with tears falling down her cheeks. She packed all of her stuff.
She didn’t leave a note or anything. She left the key on the countertop, and closed the front door softly.
6 Months Later
Her ex girlfriends father passed away, and today was his funeral. She took the week off, and headed up to her hometown for the funeral.
She sat next to her ex quietly, and held her hand. Her ex looked at her with tired, red eyes. A smile appeared through the sadness.
The service was beautiful, and everyone stood around hugging each other, and some were crying. Her ex was holding her mother who looked limp. She walked up to them and handed them tissues.
Two Hours Later
Most people went to the house to be with each. She sat in her car for a few seconds, and then headed up to her ex girlfriends childhood home.
She found her ex sitting in her childhood bedroom with a bottle of Hennessy in her hand.
Her ex stood up, and threw her glass at the wall, then she started punching the wall.
She walked up behind her ex and wrapped her arms around her tightly. Her ex’s body went limp, and they both sat on the ground, and her ex sobbed in her arms.
“He’s gone, he’s fucking gone”
“I know it hurts, but it’ll be okay”
“Thank you for being here”
“He treated me like a daughter in law, he meant a lot to me as well”
“I know”
She started to break the embrace, but then her ex asked for a request
“Please hold me for a few more minutes”
“Yes”
Rhythmic Bristles
She looked at the world differently
Always trying to ascend love
To those who truly didn’t deserve it
But she still gave out her love
The love she gave away
Always had double the price of pain
That she consumed from them
So through her summer glazed eyes
You’ll see...
Sad black & white torn up portraits
No hope
No love
No courage
No strength
No fucking unity
Just hate dripping from the canvases
Tears of paint crying out for change
Screams echo off the hollow canvases frames
You see her...
Heart breaking in half
As her hand shakes as she strokes the paintbrush
Tears falls down her cheeks
She wipes them away
But one teardrop...
Falls into the bucket of paint
She steps back to grab another blank canvas
Without looking she dips her brush into the paint
Caresses the brush on the blank canvas
She looks in deep shock
Just looking at the line she stroked
Stepping back as she scratches her eyebrow
Mounting three more blank canvases up
She dipped her brush into the paint again
Letting the bristles dance across the canvas
Within hours she stepped back again
Wiping her creative hands off
Scratching her eyebrow again
She started smiling
Then she started crying
But the good kind of crying
Looking at the beautiful color canvas
She recognized the faces
The faces she encountered
Looking at the beautiful masterpiece
She realized that the faces all had smiles
Then each face shifted into a little movie
Each persons life she impacted
She thought they took her for granted
But at the end...
Her love did fulfill parts of them
Why is a woman
Why is a woman
a man’s cherry flower?
someone who he can modify
mark as his
think for her
plug her from meals
& paste her
in the backdrop of morning glories
if she’s beautiful
she must be a moon
bring joy to him
despite her disposition
if she’s smart
she must be blurred
out of the Holy Species
with hibiscus breath
if wise, she must be stoned
if loud, she must be silenced
She’s lived in this fishpond
knowing that outside
is evergreen
& has written to you
and for you
the variants of her loneliness
in a haiku of silent words
she’s the symbol
of your highest dreams
& bore you alone
along a mountain’s temple
she’s the water you rub on your face
the scenery behind
all your accomplishments
why should you
treat her so?
His Gift
Mayowa stood at the front porch of their one storey building caressing her protruding tummy. She smiled as the cool breeze blew her hair making her feel relaxed and strengthened. It was evening and everywhere was cool. The sky was grayish in colour. It looked like there would be a downpour. Mayowa thought it would be great if it rained since the weather had been very hot and sunny lately. A downpour would chill the whole of the town but there was a dark cloud rolling in from the east, Mayowa wondered why.
Mayowa watched the security man as he sat on a bench in front of his one room apartment built inside the compound by the side of the gate, listening to a radio. He placed the radio on his ear with one hand while he folded the other. As Mayowa watched, she recalled how she had cajoled her husband into employing Mallam Jauro, a Hausa man from northern Nigeria, to guard their house due to the recent armed robberies going on in town.
Mayowa walked slowly to the chairs that were arranged under the thatch roof with a round table at the middle. She sat on one of the chairs, still caressing her tummy. Finally she was having a baby. She had been married for two years without an issue. She had ran series of tests to find out if something was wrong somewhere, but all proved negative. In Nigeria, It was expected that newly wedded couples gave birth to a child during the first year of their marriage. This contributed to Mayowa's worries. Her husband had gone for checkup also but the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with them. People had begun to gossip about them.
Mayowa had been so worried as she turned to God, praying and fasting most of the time. There was no programme in church she missed. She prayed that God should turn her misery to joy just like he did for Hannah, Sarah and Elizabeth in the Bible. God had finally heard her cries and had blessed her with a child. Come to think of it, she had also been blessed with a wonderful husband and family. Over the past two years, her husband, Tobiloba had been very supportive. He encouraged her when her faith was waning. Even her mother in-law had been so loving and kind despite the fact that Tobiloba was her only child. She never insulted or made life unbearable for Mayowa. Every moment she spent with the family, she had always encouraged Mayowa and prayed for her.
Mayowa was thankful for such mother in-law. She had often watched various movies of wicked mother in-laws who made life very miserable for their daughter in-laws. She had prayed she wouldn’t encounter such mother in-law and God had heard her prayers.
Mayowa looked down at her tummy and smiled again. It was nine months already and in any moment, her baby would be born. The doctor had given her an expected date which was next week. She couldn’t wait to deliver her baby.
Just then, she heard the honking of her husband’s car. She stood up gently as she watched him drive in. She walked to the car as he got out and wrapped his arms around her. He placed a kiss on her forehead and then bent to place a kiss on her tummy making her giggle.
“How is my lovely wife and child doing?” He smiled at her.
“Not so well without you.” She kissed him on the lips. “I missed you.”
“I missed you more. I couldn’t stop thinking about you in the office. I’m so glad to be home.” Tobiloba replied as he supported her into the house.
Mama Doyin had already prepared dinner. She was setting the table when they walked in.
“Ah mamii, you could have called me.” Mayowa rushed to her mother in-law. Mama Doyin had packed her bags into the house the moment she heard Mayowa was pregnant. She said she didn’t want Mayowa to stress herself.
“My daughter, go and sit down. Do you want to stress yourself and the baby? I’m still very strong even though I’m a sixty years old widow. I haven’t forgotten how to help around with chores. So don’t worry.”
“Mamii, good evening!” Tobiloba greeted.
“Ah! My sweet son. Welcome! Tell your wife about your strong mother. Tell her how I used to cut firewood from the forest and carry them on my head. Tell her how I used to fetch water from a long distance so she’d stop worrying.”
“Ah! Don’t try Mamii o! Mamii is still very strong.” Tobiloba exclaimed amusingly as they all laughed.
After Tobiloba had taken his bath, he joined his mother and wife in the dining where a sumptuous meal of Amala with efo riro was served. As they ate, Tobiloba began,
“I have something important to announce.”
Mayowa and Mama Doyin stared at themselves before staring back at him.
“We’re listening.” Mayowa informed.
Tobiloba shifted uncomfortably on his seat. “I’ve been selected with some other staffs to travel to Abuja for a business deal. I tried to reject the offer. I told them my wife would soon give birth to a child any moment from now. They promised it’s just for three days and I’ve got to go.”
“Is that why you were doing your face like cold fufu?” Mama Doyin asked. “I’m here. I’ll take care of your wife. Mr worry worry. Go about your business and stop worrying.”
Mayowa chuckled as Mama Doyin said that. “Honey, I’m fine. Stop worrying like Mamii said. What harm would three days do? Come on!”
“I don’t like leaving you alone especially in this condition.”
“Honey, you’re not leaving me alone. Mamii is here.”
“Help me remind him o.” Mama Doyin cut in.
Tobiloba rolled his eyes at his mother and everyone fell into fits of giggles.
“Over protective husband!” Mama Doyin pronounced.
The next morning, Mayowa and Mama Doyin drove Tobiloba to the airport where his colleagues were waiting. Mama Doyin had insisted on driving. She always wanted to show that she was still strong and bubbling like a youth and truly she was. The flight was scheduled for 8 am. They got to the airport some minutes earlier. Tobiloba’s colleagues were already there. When they were due to leave, Tobi pulled his mother and wife into a fierce embrace. He then planted a kiss on Mayowa’s lips then bent to offer one to the baby. Mayowa giggled when he did that.
“Mamii, take care of Mayowa and the baby.” He whispered to his mother.
“I’ve heard you. You’ve been repeating the same thing since yesterday, so don’t worry, I’ll do as you said.” Mama Doyin told him.
Mayowa and Mama Doyin watched as Tobi got into the aeroplane well painted in white with description of the company’s name at the rear end. They kept waving and waving till they lost sight of the aeroplane. Mama Doyin patted Mayowa at the back.
“It’s okay, my dear. He will soon be back.” She wiped the tears from Mayowa’s face.
They got into the car and drove back home. Mama Doyin prepared a meal of ogi and akara. She refused any help Mayowa offered instead she asked Mayowa to lie down and wait for the meal to be ready.
“Mamii, with the way you’re pampering me, I might just become another baby.” Mayowa had teased.
The day passed on with Mayowa and her mother in-law seeing a movie on digital television since there was nothing to do. That night, they chatted with Tobi on Skype and they all fell asleep with broad smiles on their faces.
Mama Doyin was awoken by the moans of Mayowa. Mama Doyin knew instantly that the baby was coming. She quickly tied her wrapper and rushed Mayowa to the hospital. Almost getting to the hospital, Mayowa’s water broke. Immediately they got to the hospital, the nurses carried Mayowa on a stretcher into the labour room.
Mama Doyin was asked to wait at the waiting room while Mayowa delivered. She picked up her phone and called all the relatives that lived near by. She also informed Mr and Mrs Olayemi, Mayowa’s parents. In an hour, the waiting room was filled with relatives.
“Have she delivered yet?” Mrs Olayemi asked the moment she came in with her husband. Dupe, Mayowa’s sister was around with her family. Also, Tubosun, Mayowa’s brother.
They waited in anxiety for the cry of a baby and they finally heard it. There were shouts of joy as everyone cheered. Just then, the doctor walked out of the labour room with a furrowed brow. The troop ran to him.
“How’s the baby doctor?”
“Is it a baby boy or baby girl doctor?”
“How’s is Mayowa doctor?”
Those questions were thrown at him. The doctor stared at them and sighed. “The baby is fine. Can I speak with the husband of the patient?”
“He’s not around. He’s on a business trip in Abuja. What is it?” Mama Doyin asked.
“You’re the father of the patient right? Follow me to my office!” He pointed to Mr Olayemi.
The rest stared at themselves in shock as they watched the doctor walk away with Mr Olayemi. The doctor’s office was well furnished. There was a huge mahogany desk in the office with two chairs apart from the doctor’s chair. There were many files on the desk, both old and new. There was a small cupboard by the side of the desk whose key holes were already spoilt. The doctor ushered Mr Olayemi to sit.
“Congratulations Sir! Your daughter had given birth to a bouncing baby girl.”
Mr Olayemi heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh! And you scared me doctor.” He smiled. “Thank you!”
The doctor nodded, “The nurses are cleaning the baby up.”
“That’s very nice. so what about Mayowa? How’s she?”
Doctor Yinka drew his spectacles down to rest on his nose. “I’m sorry to say but she didn’t make it. She had uterine rupture due to weak uterine muscles, as well as excessive pushing during labour. I’m so sorry but the baby is fine.”
Mr Olayemi stood up immediately, his hands on his head. He let out a little shriek and shook his head.
“Take it easy sir. You’re a man.”
“This can’t be true, doctor. Tell me it isn’t true!”
“I wish i could say so but...”
“Oh God. Oh my poor Mayowa. Oh my baby. Oh!” Mr Olayemi sat on the floor and bent his head. Tears dropped profusely from his eyes.
Just then, the door flung opened and Mama Doyin with Mayowa’s family flooded in. They all had a worried look on their faces.
“We were tired of waiting and thought we’d have a cardiac arrest if we kept waiting for you two, so we came in. What’s going on? Is anything wrong with the baby and Mayowa?” Mama Doyin questioned.
“You shouldn’t have...”
“Doctor, please answer the question and daddy, why are you sitting on the floor? What is it?” Tubosun cut in.
“Mayowa is dead!” Mr Olayemi pronounced.
“What!” They screamed and Mrs Olayemi fainted.
★ ★ ★
They all surrounded the baby who was sleeping peacefully in an infant bed. They had earlier gone to see Mayowa’s corpse. Her eyelids were closed and her lips pale. Mrs Olayemi had cried her eyes out as she refused to leave the corpse. Mama Doyin stood at a corner shedding tears as she watched Mayowa lay lifeless on the bed. They had all wept bitterly as the nurses covered Mayowa with a white cloth. They were then brought to see the baby.
The baby girl was light skinned just like Mayowa. She had the same face as Mayowa even the unique black birthmark that shaped like love by the side of Mayowa’s neck was on the baby’s fore head. The baby was a miniature of Mayowa. The troop gasped as they stared at the beautiful baby.
“Oh Mayowa. Look at your beautiful daughter. She looks just like you.” Mrs Olayemi whimpered.
The family then took the baby to Tobiloba and Mayowa’s house the next day. The baby would stay with Mama Doyin until Tobi returns. They concluded.
“Who would inform Tobi about this great loss?” Mr Olayemi asked.
“I will. It’s going to be hard but by the grace of God, I’ll tell him. I should be the one. He’s my son.” Mama Doyin replied.
“The baby girl is a gift given to us by Mayowa as a compensation and consolation for her death.” Dupe suddenly stated.
Everyone nodded in approval at that. “We see Mayowa in her baby. That means, Mayowa is still with us. She lives in her daughter. So take heart everyone. Console yourself with the gift Mayowa had given.” Dupe added.
They nodded once more as they stared at the baby who was safely guarded in the hands of Mrs Olayemi.
Mama Doyin then offered to prepare a meal for the family and when they had all gone, Mama Doyin wept inside her room. Just few days ago, Mayowa was lying with her on the bed, now she’s lying in a mortuary. Just few days ago, Mayowa was seeing a movie with her but now she’s no more on the earth. The pain was so deep and sharp to bear. Mama Doyin wept and wept till she fell asleep only to be woken up by the baby at the middle of the night.
Mama Doyin picked up the baby from the cot and gave her some milk with the feeding bottle then tried to rock the baby to sleep. After some hours, the baby fell back to sleep while Mama Doyin walked to the sitting room. She couldn’t sleep again. The death of Mayowa flashed back to her mind. She touched the sofa, Mayowa had sat here just few days ago. Tears began to fall again and soon Mama Doyin was weeping.
★ ★ ★
Tobiloba knocked slightly at the gate. He had waited for his wife and mother to pick him up from the airport for several hours. Have they forgotten he was to return today? He had called their phones severally. Mayowa’s phone was switched off while Mama Doyin wasn’t picking her calls. Tobi had no choice than to board a taxi back home. Had something happened? He wondered. He had tried speaking with them the other day on Skype to no avail. His heart quickened as he waited patiently for the security man to open the door.
“Ah Oga! Welcome sir!” Mallam Jauro greeted as he took the suitcase and luggage from Tobi’s hands.
“Thank you Jauro. Is madam and my mother in?”
“Kai! Na only mama I see. She de inside.” Mallam Jauro replied in pidgin English.
Tobi nodded his head as he walked quickly into the house. Mama Doyin was sleeping on the couch when he barged in. The sound woke Mama Doyin up. She rubbed her eyes sleepily as she stood up. Her heart skipped at every step Tobi took to her. She silently prayed for God’s grace. Mallam Jauro dropped the briefcase and luggage in the sitting room, then left.
“Mamii good morning. I’ve been calling you and Mayowa’s phone to inform you two I’m returning today. What happened? Why weren’t you picking your calls? Where is Mayowa?”
“Welcome Tobi. Sit down.” Mama Doyin pronounced. Tobi stared at her surprised. He opened his mouth to protest.
“Please sit down.” When he had finally sat, Mama Doyin cleared her throat, “Mayowa has been delivered of a baby!”
Tobi jumped up immediately in joy. “That’s great news mother. That’s very great news. Wow! Where is Mayowa and the baby?” He asked joyfully.
“Wait a minute!” Mama Doyin replied as she went to get the baby in the bedroom. The baby had fallen asleep immediately she had been fed with milk.
Tobi’s eyes lighted up with complete surprise and pure joy, the moment the baby was handed over to him. He brought the baby to his lips and peck her forehead.
“She’s beautiful!”
“This is the gift Mayowa left behind for you, Tobi!” Mama Doyin began making Tobi stare back at her with confusion.
“Look at the baby, she is a perfect photocopy of her mother. Mayowa gave you her so you wouldn’t hurt too much when she’s gone. Mayowa died in labour.”
Tobi’s eyes narrowed. His hands began to shake violently. Mama Doyin quickly collected the baby from him.
“What did you say mamii?”
“I’m so sorry Tobi.” She whispered.
“No! This can’t be true. This is a dream.” Tobi screamed.
“I wish it wasn’t true. I wish I was telling a lie. I wish it was a dream but this is reality Son.”
Tobi gradually fell to the floor. He clasped his hands on his head. “No! No! No! Mayowa tell me this isn’t true!” He wept.
Mama Doyin carefully placed the sleeping child on the sofa. She sat next to Tobi on the floor and hugged him while Tobi cried bitterly on her chest.
“It’s okay my dear. Take heart!” Mama Doyin consoled. “But honestly speaking Tobi, this is the best gift from Mayowa to you.”
Note_ Amala, fufu, ogi, akara and efo riro: these are all native meals eaten in Nigeria by the Yorubas.
Oga: this is used to show respect to someone at a position of authority. It means Master or boss.
Mamii: this means mother.
Tobi: this is the short form of Tobiloba.
Wavering Hope
December is always the coldest and driest month of the year in Nigeria, due to the parching dust bearing land-wind called harmattan. In some other part of the world, December is seen as a period of snows falling and a period to create snowballs or a period to shovel the snows from the road, but here in Nigeria, December is a period for lips to crack and for skins to turn white like they had been bathed with bags of cements. Snows do not fall here making our Christmas a snowless celebration. Instead the whole of the country is covered with mist especially in early mornings. Mist spreads all over the earth like smokes hanging on the sky and this makes it difficult to see what’s happening ahead. Everywhere looks dull as dust coats the whole of the earth making everywhere look dirty (but it’s not necessarily dirty). Even flowers lose their beauty because of the dust. In harmattan season, people wear socks on their feet to prevent it from getting dusty. Dust is a major feature of harmattan. Christmas is always celebrated in December so due to all these, Christmas is often dry, cold and dusty. Despite all these features, I love harmattan for I feel it contributes in making Christmas very unique.
To me, December is a time to rest. It’s a time to fall back and relax from the stress of the past eleven months. It’s a season for countless celebrations by various organizations. Many social gatherings throw parties on December to bade the year good bye forever (be it a good year or a bad year). It’s a period of eating and drinking, and a period of so many visitations from families and friends. Maybe, it’s for this reason, people become lazy, even the sun rises late, like it’s been forced out and the moon shine dully in the night, like it’s tired and weary. Sometimes, the moon refuses to shine. At night, the sky looks like it’s weaved up by threads of dust. It becomes grayish and devoid of stars. This makes me think, the heavenly bodies are planning to go on vacation for the holiday (maybe travel) since December is a period of traveling here in Nigeria. I guess it’s a period of traveling because it’s the last month of the year. Many families return back to their states to spend the Christmas holiday with their families and relatives. My family not exempted. We have also decided to travel to Anambra, the state I’m from, to spend the Christmas holiday.
In anticipation to the traveling, my mum and I went to a boutique to shop for new clothes. It’s very essential to shop for clothes on this festive season because traders export the best of clothing materials during this period. December clothings are very unique and of high quality, that’s why it’s a tradition here to get new clothes often tagged as Christmas clothes and to get petroleum jelly named Vaseline to apply on the skin, to make the skin less dry and rough. We also apply Vaseline on our lips to protect it from cracking. Even our hairs become dry and strong like sponges. Petroleum jellies and hair creams are very essential for Christmas celebration or else the dryness will make you very uncomfortable.
As I tagged along the back of my mother in the boutique, I stared at the hustle and bustle of the marketplace through the window. The market place is often crowded as people troop in and out to purchase foodstuffs, clothing materials and fowls (oh yeah! Fowls. Christmas season is the time to slaughter animals especially fowls to prepare delicious meals for Christmas).
I smiled within myself while watching people purchase various items for Christmas. Christmas this year is gonna be wonderful, I thought. I was already drafting out things I’d like to do this Christmas with my family. I had arranged various movies to watch and gifts to give to my friends and relatives but then, something tragic and unexpected happened shattering all my plans and expectations. One morning, during our normal morning devotion, my father got a call from a relative. He bowed his head the moment the call went off. We were confused and wondered what it was that made him react that way. He stared at my mum and shook his head. He then broke the news and that was how we got to hear about the shocking news of my uncle’s death. My uncle, which was my mum’s younger brother, had been a victim of cancer for three years now. He had been admitted to a hospital at India thrice for various operations and he had been responding to treatment. There was a time he and his wife came to visit our family, he looked very strong and healthy. He was even fatter and we were all glad to see that he was getting along well. Everyone thought he was going to make it out of the sickness for he was a strong man and above all, he had immense faith in God. Unfortunately for us all, he gave up the ghost and surrendered into the cold hands of the unsatisfied death.
At first, it felt like a dream, a movie, something unreal. I couldn’t believe it. I thought if I slept and woke up, everything would fall back in place and it would be a nightmare but I’ve been sleeping and waking up to the bitter truth that he’s gone forever. The reality of his death keeps dawning on me each day. I still can’t accept his death. I expected him to live longer.
My uncle (my Santa Claus), chose to leave us on December, a period of celebration, to an unknown land. I call him my Santa Claus become every Christmas, he always dress in a Santa Claus attire (red cap upon red attire, a fake white beard, a ball hidden under his shirt to make his belly protrude). He would dance around just to make us laugh. He loved children but never got the opportunity to have one to call his. His wife had once took in but lost the child in a miscarriage. Those who saw him before his passing away talked about the lingering pain in his eyes and unspoken words in his silence while laying on the hospital bed fighting for life.
I don’t know what my uncle expects of us now. I don’t know who he wants to decorate the christmas tree now that he’s gone or who he wants us to call father christmas. I can still remember how he sang some christmas songs for me and my brothers last Christmas. I guess we’d be singing an elegy for him in return The gay and mirthful season of Christmas has become so gloomy and moody in my house because of his death. My father has called off the traveling, so I’m stuck here at home wondering how my Christmas will be. Will it be joyous and fun like every other Christmas? Or will it be mournful with lips humming an elegy? I’m yet to find out.
